I Know Your Heart
by Aklani
Summary: *Slash* CONCLUSION - The Epilogue has been added. How has it all ended? Read and find out! Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing my first attempt at Slash. Its been fun! The usual disclaimer applies.
1. I Know Your Heart

Lex Luthor sighed in his sleep and rolled closer to the warm body next to him. His eyes flickered beneath closed lids, his mind deep in the recesses of R.E.M. sleep and his consciousness lost within the twists and turns of his dreaming. He struggled against them as if caught in a current, knowing where they would take him and not wanting to face it, but he struggled in vain. He was drawn down, down, down and far back to another place and time....  
  
"Have you told your father?"  
  
Lex rested his head upon one broad shoulder and looking up into a pair of ice blue eyes that shone in the early morning light. The bed was warm, and so was he. "You're joking, right?" he asked softly.   
  
"He's seen us together. Surely he suspects."  
  
"He doesn't suspect this." Lex whispered, his gaze never leaving those eyes. "I never expected it would come to this."  
  
"I did."   
  
Lex closed his eyes. The kiss was gentle, belying the strength of its wielder. It took his breath away.   
  
"I know your heart."  
  
"You know me better than I know myself then." Lex smiled, and he let his fingertips wander, lacing them through the long golden hair and reveling in the texture; it was like silk. "I'm shocked."  
  
Laughter.   
  
"He'll disown me."   
  
"Let him."   
  
There came another kiss, lengthier this time, and Lex sighed yet again as their lips parted. His eyes remained closed as he was gathered into a firm embrace.   
  
"I will always be here for you."  
  
Lex jerked back, startled by the sudden change in the timbre of the voice. His eyes opened, widening at what he saw.  
  
Grey eyes, not blue.   
  
Dark hair, not blond.   
  
"Nuhnno!"   
  
He sat up with the last note of his cry echoing off of the dark walls surrounding him and his heart pounding in his chest. His breath caught, and he forced it to continue as he ran shaking hands over his sweating face. A quick glance at the clock beside the bed told him it was nearly dawn. A quick glance to his side revealed Victoria's pale face looking up at him from where she lay at his side, and he did not resist her as she pulled him back down to her to hold him in her arms. He wanted to get up and get a drink, but he shook with cold chills. He did not try to hide his trembling from her. She knew him well.  
  
But not that well.  
  
Ryan. Jesus, where the hell had that come from?  
  
"Nightmare?"  
  
His past.   
  
"Yeah."  
  
The sheets whispered as she moved her body. Wrapping her legs around him, she found his mouth with hers. The kiss was made weak by his memories.   
  
He got up and left her.   
  
He locked the bathroom door behind him, and turned the shower full blast. As he stood beneath the driving spray, and steam slowly blotted out the tiled walls around him, Lex Luthor did something he very rarely allowed himself to do.   
  
He wept.   
  
It had been five years. Five years of living hell. Five years in a psychotic blur that even now he could barely remember. He thought he'd erased that particular memory and drowned that particular pain for good during those five years; completely removing an entire winter from the time line of his life history. Why had it come back? God! Why?  
  
Lex knew why.   
  
On that fall day, lying on the bank of the river, staring up at the shadowy figure hovering above him, he had for a moment believed the previous five years had been a nightmare. He had very nearly said his name, until the sun went behind a cloud and Lex knew the truth.   
  
"I know your heart." The memories whispered.   
  
"Stay dead, damnit!"  
  
He leaned forward, his palms pressed to the tile wall at the back of the shower. The tears ran down his face and mingled with the water from the shower.  
  
"Please."  
  
  
*******************  
  
Lex was not drunk, but he walked a fine line between drunk and sober by the time the lunch hour rolled around. He'd canceled everything on his schedule for the day and spent the time instead settled comfortably in the embrace of the living room sofa, working his way through a bottle of vodka. He hated vodka. Vodka not only got him blotto drunk, but the resultant hangover was akin to torture. It was, however, the only thing he trusted to knock him out for the night, and the pain the next day would hold at bay the shadows of his past.   
  
Victoria stood leaning on the door frame, watching him as he raised the bottle (he'd even dispensed with the glass) to his lips. He'd heard her approach not five minutes after he told Hannah he would not be coming to lunch, but he did not acknowledge her presence. Instead he left her standing there and continued on his course towards oblivion, one part of his mind wondering how long it would be before she felt the need to butt in on his personal business. He kept one eye on his watch.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Two minutes twenty three seconds.   
  
"Drinking."  
  
"I can see that." she remarked. "Whatever for?"  
  
"Pleasure." he said, and turned to look at her with a bitter smirk. "Do you have an appointment? Oh, no, wait - I canceled all my appointments." He scowled. "Leave me alone Victoria."  
  
She recognized his mood and did not approach. "This is about the nightmares isn't it?"   
  
He did not reply.   
  
"I hear you talking in your sleep Lex. This is about Ryan Farrow."   
  
He favored her with a look. His jaw was clenched. "Ryan Farrow is dead."  
  
Her expression was cold. "Yes." she said. "He is."   
  
Their eyes locked, and after a moment Victoria cast hers away with a look of disgust. Turning sharply on her heel she left the doorway in a waft of expensive perfume and left Lex alone to drown his sorrows in what he now suspected was very cheap vodka. He heard her shoes upon the flagstone floor of the foyer, followed the the creak and slam of the door as she left the house entirely. He did not know where she was going, and he did not care.   
  
He took another pull from the bottle.   
  
Ryan was not dead. Lex thought bitterly. He'd come back to life as a naive farm kid in the middle of fucking nowhere to pluck Lex from the brink of death like the Green Acres version of a guardian angel. All the quirky little nuances that Lex remembered from Ryan, Clark seemed to mimic; from the broad toothy smile to the shy dip of his head when he spoke of something that made him uneasy. The body language was very similar, and so was the body itself. Ryan had been tall, well built (he'd played rugby) and slender like Clark, and like Clark tended to be rather self conscious of his height at times. Yet, also like Clark, Ryan could move with a grace quite startling in a man well over six feet in height. Lex had seen it.   
  
Lex had experienced it.   
  
He screwed his eyes shut, tight, and cursed. Since the day he'd met Clark, Lex had tried very hard not to think of Ryan in comparison, and he had thought himself successful until now. The dreams were always the same: some memory from that winter's youthful foray into realms unknown gradually breaking down into fantasies Lex did not want to admit having. Ryan's fair features always darkened in the end, and a long dead memory mutated into a living possibility; if Lex actually thought he had a snowballs chance in hell of roping Clark into bed. The dreams drove Lex to wonder if his obsession with Clark's mysterious "secret" and his attempts to fix the kid up with Lana Lang, were not outlets for something else entirely.   
  
Of course, he chided himself.   
  
Ryan had been a stupid mistake. Lex had just lost his mother, been dumped by his girlfriend and was looking for something to take his mind off of it all. Experimenting with his sexuality had been a way of doing just that, just as he would later experiment with drugs and the dark underworld of the Metropolis club scene. He'd not planned on Ryan becoming such a good friend. He had not planned on enjoying his companionship, and he sure as hell had not planned on falling in love with him. That caught him completely off guard, but he'd admitted it. Even now, after it was long over and done with, Lex felt the bitter ache of loss every time he pictured Ryan's face and recalled his smile.   
  
Clark's smile.   
  
Lex kept drinking.   
  
*************************  
  
Lex fell asleep on the couch, with the empty vodka bottle lying across his chest; much like a wino lying on a park bench. He dreamed, and he wanted to wake, but the alcohol held him down, drowning him in the memories. He murmured in his sleep, but this time no one was there to hear.  
  
"Where are we going?" Ryan had asked as he flipped through the CD's looking for some music to play. He'd shot Lex one of his infamous smiles.   
  
"Anywhere the road takes us." Lex grinned back, and pushed the accelerator to the floor, sending Lionel's BMW roaring down the road. He recalled glancing over at Ryan, who, with a coy look from under his heavy blond bangs, slipped a CD into the player and cranked the volume.   
  
"Fine by me."   
  
It was April, and they had spent the entire winter quarter together, the longest Lex had spent in any relationship. He hadn't understood this one. He had never really felt any attraction to the same sex before, and still oogled the pretty girls on campus, but Ryan was different. Lex was addicted to him, obsessed with him, and the last thing he ever wanted to do was to give up their time together. Why that was, he could not say, but he felt it certain. He would tell his father about it and probably get disowned in disgrace, but by God he would keep Ryan. They had discussed it that very day as they lay together in Ryan's off campus apartment, contentedly relaxing after a rather sensual good morning. It had been Ryan's idea to go for a drive.   
  
The weather was cool, the hour early, and the overnight clouds were just beginning to disperse as the BMW cruised down the road at a speed well over eighty. Lex kept one eye on the road, but occasionally he would look at his companion, admiring the cut of Ryan's profile and the way his long lashes brushed against his cheeks as he read the liner notes from the CD. They were both nineteen, poised upon the threshold of beginning their lives as men with their future stretched out before them like a blank slate ready to receive their marks. Lex felt he could become the honorable person his mother had seen in him, and with Ryan could break away from Lionel's death grip on his soul.   
  
Lex had smiled, and looked back to the road, braking slightly for the curve ahead.   
  
The BMW hit a stray patch of icy pavement - black ice - and the back end fishtailed.   
  
They had no chance.   
  
The car spun backwards off the road, and when the tires again found purchase in the gravel of the berm, it became airborne; a dark smudge against the brightness of the morning sky. It flipped once, the front end crumpling, and Lex was thrown sideways out of the door as it popped open from the impact. He would not remember flying that time, nor the sounds of breaking glass and crumpling steel as the car rolled again and again. His body arced through the air and he came to rest, unconscious, in the ditch. The car landed on its top in a field.   
  
Dreaming, Lex could not escape the memory.  
  
He'd lost his two front teeth and split open his lip on the steering wheel, and would later discover he'd also broken three ribs, but in the meantime he lay in the damp cold water at the bottom of the ditch - oblivious. It was the cold that roused him finally, bringing him back to consciousness with blood running down his face and a mouth so swollen he couldn't speak. Yet despite the pain he'd staggered to his feet, and gone to the car as he heard the sounds of sirens wailing in the distance and a group of passersby began gathering at the side of the road. Someone tried to stop him, but he'd shaken them off, rounding the front of the car to peer inside.   
  
In reality it had been the most horrible thing Lex Luthor had ever seen, and would ever see in his lifetime. Ryan was dead without question. He had gone through the windshield, after being tossed around in the car like the proverbial rag doll, and he lay on the ground staring up into the sky with pale blue eyes wide open. Lex took one look and his mind shut down as completely as it had when he'd been blasted by the meteors some seven years earlier. All he could see was his future dissolving in the blood pooling upon the ground, and all he could feel was his soul being ripped from his chest with every heartbeat. Someone said his name and he'd shuddered, his body crumpling to the ground and his mind going black. He'd known nothing at all for several days afterwards.  
  
In his dream, however, he never got that far, for instead of Ryan it was Clark, and as Lex dashed around the front of the car, expecting to see his battered remains, Clark came around from the opposite side. He was alive, unscathed, and caught Lex by the shoulders, forcing him to look up into his face.   
  
"I'm fine." he said softly.   
  
"I thought I hit you?"   
  
"If you had, I'd be dead."  
  
Suddenly all the noise, the sirens and the voices of the people swarming around them, faded into the background. Lex saw, in Clark's grey eyes, the same goodness he'd seen in Ryan's, and he desperately wanted to be part of it; to escape the shadows that always seemed to pursue him. His fingers shook as he raised a hand and placed it over Clark's heart, feeling the pulse beating strong beneath it and he remembered falling asleep to the sound before when he'd lain with Ryan. All the shadows retreated from it, and Lex was safe. His father was no longer a threat, no one had died, and all he had to do was stand within the circle of Clark's arms to have no harm come to him, ever. He closed his eyes, felt the feather light touch of fingertips against his cheek, and the whisper of a breath....  
  
"I know your heart...."  
  
"Clark..."  
  
"Lex!"  
  
His eyes snapped open, and disoriented, he very nearly fell off the couch. He did send the empty vodka bottle clattering across the floor as he sat up, and very nearly threw up as the room spun in a very alarming manner. He ducked his head between his knees and breathed deeply, moaning as the headache stabbed him behind the eyes and his stomach rolled like a ship at sea. He was still rather drunk, but the hangover was beginning already, and he wished to hell he was dead at that moment. The memory of Ryan's death, so vividly recalled in his dream, did not help. Nor did the fact that it was Clark who now stood over him.   
  
He squinted up at him.   
  
Two Clarks.   
  
Lex moaned.   
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
I will be if you get the fuck out of here.   
  
"I'm fine Clark." He looked up, blinked, and there was suddenly only one Clark. "What is it?  
  
The fine features twisted into a look of profound worry. "Are you sure?"  
  
Lex smiled wryly. "Its a hangover. I'll live. Is this about the car?" He winced even before he had the words all the way out. The dream swept up like a tidal wave, bringing with it the memories - and the desires. He pinched the bridge of his nose, hard. He'd forgotten, until that moment, about Clark's request to borrow a car.   
  
"Yeah." The grin appeared. "Whitney is going to be in Metropolis. Lana agreed to go with me to the dance." he hesitated. "As friends, of course."  
  
"Of course." Lex murmured. "How about the Jag?"   
  
He stood up, with every intention of going to the den for the keys to the Jaguar, but the room started to spin once again. Had it not been for a firm hand on his elbow, Lex would have fallen face first into the coffee table. Through heavy lidded eyes he stared up at Clark, and found himself unable to look away, despite his common sense screaming at him from the back of his mind.   
  
"You're drunk."   
  
"Absolutely."   
  
The genuine concern in Clark's expression was painful to see. Only Clark seemed to ever look at Lex that way. No one else seemed to care.   
  
"Lex if there is something wrong, let me help."  
  
Lex stared at him, gauging the look in his eyes, and seeing an echo of the past. "Can you turn back time Clark? Can you make it so I can start all over, without making the same mistakes I made before?"  
  
Can you bring back the dead?  
  
"No," was the whispered response.   
  
"Can you be what I need you to be?" Lex whispered.   
  
He never intended to say it aloud. He didn't realize he had until Clark's face turned down into a look of utter confusion. His eyes searched Lex's face for some clue as to what the statement could mean, and Lex could see that he found nothing; grief maybe, but nothing else.   
  
The moment hung like a rain laden cloud, heavy with the anticipated precipitation and dark with foreboding. Lex swayed a bit on his feet, still held more or less steady by the grip Clark kept upon his arm, and took a step closer. His vodka muddled mind frantically fought to keep up with the actions of his body as he reached out his hand to touch what he had forbidden himself. He felt the soft cloth of Clark's shirt beneath his fingers, and below that the firm muscles of Clark's abdomen. They were close enough now that Lex could feel his warmth, smell the crisp scent of outdoor air within his clothes, and see the steady beat of the pulse at his throat. He was Ryan all over again, and Lex wanted Ryan back - badly.   
  
Ryan made the shadows go away.   
  
Lex took one more step and felt Clark's muscles contract as he stood poised between fight or flight. Lex wondered which he would choose.   
  
"I'm very drunk." he murmured, hoping Clark would choose not to deck him.  
  
Their eyes never broke contact. Lex could see that the alarm bells were starting to go off in Clark's slowly comprehending mind, and knew that if he were going to make something of this situation, he'd better do it. His fingers tightened into a fist around the cloth of Clark's shirt, and as Clark's lips parted to make some sort of protest, Lex made sure the words never came.   
  
Vodka and peppermint.   
  
They were both breathing rather heavily when it was over, there was the briefest instant where Lex felt Clark would deck him, and Lex could not have blamed him in the slightest. Lex watched as his face settled into an unreadable mask and instead of reacting, he simply stood very quietly. He had let go of the hold he had on Lex's elbow, and the only physical contact they now had was Lex's hand upon his shirt, but they still stood quite close and Lex could feel him shaking. Flight then?  
  
No.   
  
Clark very slowly licked his lips, and in a voice very much lower than his normal tone, he managed, finally to speak.   
  
"I get the impression, " he said quietly. "That I'm missing something here."  
  
"I'm sorry." Lex did not let go, and his words were rather flat. He was not sorry at all.   
  
"What's going on?"  
  
This made Lex laugh. "What's going on? I'm sloppy drunk and trying to seduce you Clark." he weaved a little bit on his feet but braced himself against Clark's steady bulk. "I should think it obvious."  
  
His voice shook, but Clark somehow managed to joke. "For that I want the keys and the title." But then he grew serious. "Why?"  
  
"Have you looked in a mirror lately? Lana is an idiot."  
  
"Should I be flattered, or sickened?"  
  
"Be flattered." Lex whispered.   
  
Because Luthors never begged.  
  
Clark grew very still, and he carefully studied Lex's expression. "No," he breathed.   
  
"No, what?"  
  
"I can't be what you need me to be." Abruptly Clark jerked away, freeing himself from Lex's grip. Before Lex could react he had spun on his heel and walked out of the room without saying anything further, and without the car keys. Lex heard the front door slam a moment later.  
  
Redemption denied. The shadows closed in on him.  
  
Lex sat down on the couch and buried his face in his hands, wishing he had another bottle of vodka, and cursing his indiscretion.   
  
******************  
  
Amphetamines and sleeping pills, alcohol and sheer will power; all dragged Lex through the next two weeks. He slept only when he absolutely had to do so, and only then walking the borderline between sleep and death with a combination of some heavy duty sedatives and alcoholic beverage. The memory of Ryan's death dogged him at night, and the memory of Clark's mouth upon his haunted him during the day. Victoria kept him somewhat distracted, but as their bodies came together beneath the silk sheets, it was not her soft curves and delicate hands he most desired. Rather, he remembered Clark's strong grip upon his arm, the firmness of the taut stomach pressed close to his own, and the taste of peppermint.   
  
Martha made the produce deliveries. Lex almost expected to be carted off to jail for child molestation, but since the police did not come knocking on his door and Martha seemed just as pleasant and polite as ever, he concluded Clark had said nothing in regards to what happened. Martha's presence, however, indicated that he was still upset about it. She told Lex he was busy with school work, Lex knew better.   
  
"If you don't mind me saying this," Martha said one morning as she and Lex conversed on the back steps. "Its the mother in me - Lex you look like hell. Are you all right?"  
  
He looked away from her, his hands in his pockets. He knew he looked like hell - haggard, pale, and drawn with dark circles of sleeplessness beneath both eyes. That he was wearing his customary black only served to accentuate the pallid look and brought up those dark circles as well as the lines of stress around his eyes. He was hung-over, and had already been drinking heavily on top of it, but what could he tell her? Your son reminds me of a long dead lover from a homosexual experience I had in college. I'd really like to sleep with him, if just to bury the ghosts that won't leave me the fuck alone. Its killing me thinking about it, and I've been drugging myself into oblivion on a daily basis.   
  
Sure.   
  
"Work," he lied. "Production is down, and with the economy the way its been lately, I'm juggling finances to avoid some lay offs." Lie and make himself look good at the same time. Old habits died hard. "I've been under quite a bit of stress." Liar and a pervert. Peachy.  
  
It was something she understood though, and her expression was sympathetic. "Don't neglect yourself." she said. Her smile was warm, very motherly, as she got into the truck.   
  
Lex smiled back at her, but it was a ghost of his usual smirky grin. "I won't." He hesitated. "How did Clark's date with Lana go the other night?"  
  
Martha sighed at the question. "Whitney got back from Metropolis earlier than expected."  
  
"So she stood Clark up."  
  
A nod.  
  
Lex shook his head. Clark had not kissed him back, but he had no doubt that had he done so it would have been quite enjoyable. Lana did not know what she was missing.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Martha shrugged. "He's been moping around for the last two weeks." Then she laughed a bit. "I should send him over for more advice Lex. I think you enjoy playing Cupid."  
  
"It would take my mind off work," he agreed, forcing a lightness he didn't feel into his voice. Sure he liked playing Cupid, he thought bitterly. He could live vicariously through Lana. "and perhaps cheer him up a bit."  
  
"I'll mention it." she said with a grin, and made her good byes.  
  
Lex watched the truck retreat out the driveway. He did not expect Clark to respond to the invitation. In fact he expected Clark to completely shun him now on a permanent basis, a prospect which filled Lex with a dark despair that made him crave yet another drink. If, and it was a big "if", they were to continue as friends the relationship would never be the same again. He'd made sure of that. He also felt horrible about Clark's current mood. Another guy makes a pass at him and his love interest stands him up the same night. What self flagellating thoughts were going through his head? He wanted Clark to come over simply to reassure the kid there was nothing wrong with him, and Lana was not reading any covert "gay" messages. Lex had completely fucked up, and he knew it.  
  
He sighed, and with shoulders slumped, went back into the house.   
  
************  
  
Business put Lex in a bad mood, and he saw his housekeeper wince as she was forced to greet him at the front door. When he walked into the house with the sort of expression on his face he wore now, the servants usually avoided him until he had some time to relax. That Hannah was not only greeting him, but at the front door no less, meant something was going to intrude on his "down" time and that made him even more irritable.  
  
"What is it Hannah," he growled, shaking the overcoat he wore off into her hands. "The mansion better be on fire." He shrugged his suit jacket back up onto his shoulders, straightened it, and loosened his tie.  
  
"No sir. Mr. Kent is here to see you."  
  
Lex froze. "Elder?"  
  
"Younger."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. So. Clark had not only accepted the invitation, but had done so immediately. Lex glanced at his watch and marked the time at 7 p.m. It had been less than twelve hours since he'd talked to Martha that morning.   
  
"Thank you Hannah. Where is he?"  
  
"In the den sir."  
  
He nodded, "See that we're not disturbed." and turned towards the doors to his office.  
  
Inside Clark was pacing, a big indicator that he was exceedingly nervous because Clark very rarely moved around with that much animation. He strode back and forth in front of the desk, his hands pressed together and a furrow across his brow, and did not react right away to the sound of the door opening. It was not until the door closed and Lex stepped further into the room, that he noticed he was no longer alone. He stopped and stood very still as Lex crossed to the bar and poured himself a drink.   
  
Lex kept his back to him as he poured the scotch. "In case you're wondering, I've been in meetings all afternoon. I am not drunk," he turned and gestured with the glass. "Yet."  
  
"I wasn't." Clark replied."Wondering, that is." He refused to meet Lex's eye, instead casting his gaze down to his hands. "I just...mom said you weren't well."  
  
"I've had some trouble sleeping."   
  
"She said it was work."  
  
"Did you believe her?" Lex asked softly.   
  
"No." Clark looked up, his eyes very briefly meeting Lex's, then quickly looked away again.   
  
His profile made Lex think of Ryan. Flashes of memory came to him, flooding his mind with staccato images: Ryan smiling at him. Ryan laughing. Ryan's warm body lying next to his.....  
  
Lex closed his eyes. Ryan lying dead along the side of the road.   
  
He shuddered.   
  
"I found out Lana is sleeping with Whitney."   
  
This got Lex's attention, and the memories scattered. "What?" His eyes opened to find Clark pacing again. "How?"  
  
Clark shrugged. "She dropped her purse, when she came to tell me she wasn't going with me to the dance. She's on the pill. I saw the prescription. It was from the clinic too, which means Nell probably doesn't know about it. What does that tell you?" He stopped, and this time met Lex's gaze steadily.  
  
"That's she's sleeping with Whitney."  
  
"Precisely." He sighed, and once again turned his eyes down to his hands. He cracked his knuckles uneasily and Lex had the definite impression that there was more coming.   
  
Lex said nothing, but drank the scotch and waited.   
  
"I also found out about Ryan Farrow."   
  
Of all the things Lex thought Clark would say, that was not one of them. Hearing Ryan's name on Clark's lips rattled him so badly he had to put the glass down quickly before he dropped it. It gave him an excuse to turn away so the horror on his face would not show and he stood facing the window behind his desk for quite some time before he found his composure once again. Nobody knew about Ryan, save for Victoria and a very select few others. Lex had buried the story as deeply as they had buried Ryan himself.   
  
"Chloe?" Damn her.Where did she come up with the information? She'd better keep her mouth shut.  
  
"No. Victoria."  
  
Lex cursed expansively.   
  
"Don't be too hard on her Lex. She's only worried about you."  
  
He turned around, furious. "She's only worried about herself Clark. Don't believe her concern for my welfare for a moment. She simply wants to restore status quo and get our business dealings back on track. She's a conniving bitch."  
  
Clark's expression was carefully neutral. "She told me something you should have told me yourself." he said quietly. "And knowing has helped me come up with something that might help solve both our problems. I would not be so quick to condemn her."  
  
Lex, who had inhaled a deep breath in preparation for a lengthy tirade, let that breath out in a heavy sigh. For a long moment he could not speak, but finally found the words. "Ryan was a long time ago Clark, and something I'm not particularly proud of either. You remind me of him and, its brought back some uncomfortable memories. I don't think that's anything you can help."  
  
"You haven't heard my proposition yet."  
  
Neither one of them spoke, but their eyes met. Lex felt his flesh growing cold beneath Clark's cool gaze. It was the look of someone much older, and much wiser, than a teenaged kid from a hick town. He suddenly found himself wondering if Clark was nearly as naive as he appeared. Add that to the mystery. Clark was in all things more than he appeared.   
  
"I am willing to give you one night, and one night only. In exchange for showing me what I need to know to compete with Whitney."  
  
Lex's eyes widened. "You're kidding?"  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"And you chose me."  
  
"You offered, and you're killing yourself over it." Grey eyes flickered to the glass sitting on the edge of the desk. "You need a fix. I need knowledge. Fair exchange."  
  
"Hardly." Lex whispered.  
  
"I'm very used to making sacrifices Lex." Clark returned softly, and his gaze was steady. " And I value our friendship too much to let you self destruct, but I can only give so much." he inhaled deeply. "One night. Take it or leave it."  
  
Lex studied him carefully, then pushed himself away from where he leaned on his desk to cross the room. He was not drunk this time, nor did Clark have to steady him on his feet, as he came to stand within touching distance. Again he could feel the heat Clark's body generated, and smell the faint scent of soap and shampoo. The idea of Clark showering before coming over struck him as funny. He did not, however, smile, as he looked into those wide grey eyes. What he saw there startled him.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
The first "yes" came out in an inaudible squeak. The second was more decisive: "Yes."  
  
Had Lex Luthor been a different person, he would have turned and walked away. He would have run away from this as fast as he could and never looked back.  
  
Not being that person, he did not.   
  
Instead he pressed close, and breathed his answer into the lips he prepared to taste again. "I'll take it."  
  
This time it lasted longer. This time, after a moment of hesitation, it was reciprocated. Bodies pressed closer still, mouths worked feverishly, and Lex wondered who the hell taught Clark to kiss like he did. That was one lesson they could skip.   
  
Or maybe not.   
  
Lex pulled back, his breath gone. "Vicky went home for the weekend, but your parents...."  
  
"Think I'm with Pete at a ball game in Metropolis."  
  
"And Pete?"  
  
"Will lie like a dog and doesn't ask questions."  
  
"I'm such a bad influence on you."   
  
Clark's expression was wry and his voice soft. "No kidding." He leaned in close. "What gave you the first clue?"   
  
The lesson resumed, and gradually made its way upstairs.  
  
*********************  
  
Lex bid goodbye to his ghosts. Clark learned how everything worked, and Lex discovered he was an extremely fast learner. When the student repeated the lesson, Lex was taken completely off guard by how well he'd learned it and how expertly he executed it. Ryan had never made him feel the way Clark did. Never. He'd been completely shocked by it, and in a fit of evil humor, said so by returning the favor, the result of which nearly caused Clark to fall out of the bed.   
  
They'd done nearly as much talking as anything else, and neither one of them got any sleep until the sky began to turn a paler shade of dark in the hours just before dawn. Lex had been sleeping badly for too long, and could not hold it off any longer. He lay in Clark's arms, tracing his fingers along one lean hip as if petting a cat, and fighting to keep his eyes upon the grey ones before him. It was impossible. Lulled by Clark's unusual warmth, he fell asleep.   
  
When he woke the room was brightly lit with the morning sun streaming through the windows, and he was very much alone. Ryan was gone. The nightmares were gone.   
  
Clark was gone. Permanently.   
  
They had agreed. One night. It would never be discussed again, and if there were any one thing Lex would hold to, despite his reputation for breaking promises, it would be that agreement. He had not the slightest doubt in Clark's ability to keep quiet. The thought brought up a memory from the night's activities, and and a smile to his lips.   
  
Lex had stopped what he'd been doing as the realization of just what he was doing hit him. "Oh God." he'd croaked. "I could get arrested for this."   
  
The statement produced a moan from Clark. "You're thinking about that NOW?" His voice had been far from steady, and for the first time since they'd met, Lex heard him curse. "Jesus Lex, not a good time to be experiencing a moral dilemma. Then he'd laughed. "And I'm usually the one with the morals!"  
  
"If this ever got public...." He had felt his passion fading away as fear replaced it.   
  
"You wouldn't have to worry about jail time."   
  
Lex flinched. "Why?"  
  
"I can guarantee my father will murder you." Clark's voice had been low and very grave. "And do not assume I'm kidding."   
  
For Lex, having Jonathan Kent blow his brains out with a shotgun was much preferable to spending time in jail for statutory rape. He'd sighed.   
  
Clark had continued. "The deal was one night, and unless one of us says anything - which we won't." He'd fixed one grey eye upon Lex with a threatening glint in it. "Then no one will know."  
  
A slow grin had crept over Lex's face. "My lips," he'd said, using them, "are sealed." and he'd done something that made Clark murmur a very bad word indeed, but one quite appropriate for the situation.   
  
Now it was over. The night had spent itself out, and life moved onward into daylight. The memories of it would never go away, but at least they were far more pleasant than the ones they replaced. A new facet in his relationship with Clark had been discovered, and Lex wondered if they would be as comfortable in each other's presence as they had been before, knowing what had passed. Or, having crossed that boundary and exercised the sexual tension between them, would they be able to move on to other issues. It could go either way.   
  
Lex had his answer later that day as he read the paper and sipped coffee in the Beanery. He looked over the top of his mug as Clark sat down across from him. He wasn't sure how to interpret the grin.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Lana and Whitney had another spat. They're off again."  
  
Smiling slightly, Lex put down the paper. "Hmm. For how long this time? At the risk of offending you Clark, I am beginning to believe they are destined to be together. They fight like an old married couple."  
  
Clark's nose wrinkled. "She says this is it."  
  
"Don't get your hopes up."  
  
He sobered, shrugged. "I won't." His eyes were bright as he looked up at Lex. "But if I'm always there, during the off times, she'll eventually get tired of the quarreling and then it will be my turn."  
  
"I would say so," Lex took another sip of his coffee and nodded over Clark's shoulder. "And you need to pay attention, because she's looking for you."   
  
Clark turned, and saw Lana coming in the front door. He shot Lex an apologetic look, and left to greet her with his broad smile unwavering. She returned the smile, and together they sat talking at the bar as the waitress hurried to process their orders.   
  
It was subtle, but Lex had noticed it. Something had changed between he and Clark, and it was something far, far below the surface of their relationship. Outwardly nothing was different, as if their one night had never occurred at all, but on a new and deeper level the bond between them had grown much stronger. They may never mention that night ever again, but it was there, and it tied their lives together much more securely than the ties of mere friendship.   
  
"I know your heart." Lex whispered, watching Clark laugh at something Lana said to him.   
  
He looked away and picked up his paper; content with the resumption of status quo.   
  
For now. 


	2. The In Between Times

Lex sat at his usual table at the back of the coffee shop with a cup of steaming latte cradled in his hands. The weather had taken a step backwards, just when everyone thought Spring had arrived, and the air outside was chill. The warm cup sent much welcomed heat into Lex's long supple fingers as he lightly caressed the smooth porcelain. Although there was a magazine open before him on the table, and occasionally his eyes flickered across its pages, his attention was actually upon the young couple sitting at the bar.   
  
Whitney Fordman and Lana Lang.   
  
They were chatting quietly, sitting close together. He had one hand upon her thigh and the other reached to brush back her hair while she held her mug of coffee and smiled at him. Her face softened as he leaned in to kiss her, and the smile broadened to laughter as he whispered something in her ear. Her green eyes were bright.   
  
She's playing you Clark.   
  
Lex raised his cup, gingerly sipping the hot coffee within, as he watched the two continue to preen and pose under each other's affections. It was beginning to disgust him, and he wondered why he'd ever been so intent on getting the vapid personality that was Lana Lang together with Clark Kent. Clark was so much more than she, and deserved better, Lex knew that now.   
  
Lex knew it very well.   
  
He lowered his eyes to the magazine, but did not see the words printed there. How many months had passed? How long had it been since Clark had brought Lex back from the brink of self destruction for a second time and once again left him more than a little dazed? Lex was not sure, but over that span of time he and Clark had continued their friendship with a little more structure, a little more depth, and a tighter bond than ever before. Clark never said one word about their "night" and following his example, neither did Lex. It remained, however, and the walls that kept it shuttered away within Lex's heart were growing a bit worn around the edges lately.   
  
He knew what had triggered the emotions. The confrontation regarding the accident had started it, Lex demanding to know the truth and Clark not giving it. The hurt in the kid's eyes had torn Lex apart at the same time it infuriated him. He knew Clark was still lying to him, hiding some secret even after their night together, and it had made Lex understand he'd been wrong in assuming that night meant anything at all to Clark on an emotional level. He'd erased it, and anything it meant, from his mind completely. Friends. We're just friends. No love, no devotion, no desire what-so-ever to stage a repeat. You got what you needed, I got what I needed. Its forgotten.  
  
And yet....  
  
When Lex heard Clark was sent to the hospital unconscious and badly injured, he'd been entangled in the mess Victoria's idiocy had produced; but he'd dropped everything to go to the emergency room. Clark had been cold, flippant, and unlike himself until Lex, unable to bear it, issued yet another apology. Lex found it funny that Clark could bring apologies to his lips so easily, when no one else ever could - sincere ones too. If Clark asked Lex to put a gun to his head, Lex would probably do it, such was the power he wielded. There in the hospital he would have done more, said more, had Clark not turned to him with that wry smile and invoked a memory shared from a time many months earlier.  
  
"If anyone ever finds out, " Lex had said. "I'll plead temporary insanity."  
  
And Clark had murmured his response, his breath warm against Lex's neck: "Only temporary?"  
  
Repeating the exchange in the hospital emergency room, had brought out the faint glimmer of affection in Clark's grey eyes. Lex tried to capture that affection, hold it, and make it his own, but Clark had turned abruptly away before he could do so. Watching him limp slowly out the doors and into the waiting arms of his parents, Lex felt abandoned and hurt and knew Clark was well out of his reach again. Lex had only the confrontation with Victoria to look forward to then, and he met it with a deep smoldering fury which made the end results all the more satisfying. Until, that is, he discovered his father's dirty double dealing.   
  
Double crossing bitch. All the more reason to swear off women.   
  
Lex raised his eyes to gaze at Lana, narrowing them as she kissed "Whitless" once again.   
  
Perhaps Clark needed to learn that lesson too.   
  
*******************  
  
Clark wandered past just as Lex prepared to leave the Beanery. Lex saw him out of the corner of his eye, and noted he only paused long enough to see Lana and Whitney at the bar before continuing down the street. The expression on his face had shifted only subtly, but Lex recognized the hurt in it. On again, off again, Lana was playing Clark like a radio; turning the volume up only to switch it back down upon the next note. Lex saw him every other day, and gauged his emotions as they fluctuated between melancholy and giddy elation with every move Lana made. During the times she and Whitney were at odds, Clark was as emotionally solid as a stone but when Lana rushed back into the quarterback's arms, Clark's heart took a nose dive into chaos.   
  
Lex caught up with him with just a little bit of effort. "Clark."  
  
He stopped, glanced at Lex, and kept walking.   
  
Lex fell into step beside him.   
  
"I see she made up with Whitney, " Clark murmured. "Again."   
  
"Yeah, I noticed." Lex tugged at an elbow, and guided him towards the Ferarri which was parked around the corner behind the shops. "Where are you going? I'll give you a ride."  
  
They stopped just at the mouth of the wide alleyway, where there was off street parking for the Beanery and the bookstore next door. Clark looked abjectly miserable, and he rolled his shoulders in a shrug to loosen them as Lex pressed the button which would disarm the car. Clark's gesture, nor the look in the grey eyes, did not go unnoticed. Something was bothering him, and Lex raised an eyebrow in question.   
  
"Are you lonely Lex? Do you miss the city?" He replied after some hesitation. "Metropolis?"  
  
Now where was this heading?   
  
Lex shrugged. "Sometimes, but you have to remember Clark, I was different when I lived there, especially after losing Ryan. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm occasionally quite happy with my exile here."   
  
Clark smiled that wry smile. "Occasionally?"  
  
"I can recall at least one rather pleasant evening."   
  
The words tumbled out before Lex could stop them, and he cursed the way Clark always seemed to not only make him blurt out apologies, but everything else as well. He did something to Lex that made him trust, and trust was something Lex Luthor found even more difficult to do than apologize. He knew this was a sensitive subject, and one not high on Clark's list of topics he wished to discuss on a public street either, but Lex could not help expressing his gratitude even if it made Clark uncomfortable. He spoke the words, and his eyes met Clark's unwaveringly.   
  
Clark's expression was neutral. He made no reaction, but again Lex saw something burning deep within his eyes. Clark said nothing.   
  
Lex did.   
  
"Lana is toying with you Clark." he said softly. "Don't let that sugary sweet exterior fool you. I've known her aunt for a long time and they are both conniving bitches."  
  
"Then how come you were working so hard to get us together?"   
  
"Because that's what you wanted."  
  
Clark's eyes flickered away, then back. "And you care what I want?" he asked. "What am I to you?"  
  
There were a thousand things Lex could have said in answer. Many of them he had wanted to say since the day they'd met. Many of them he had already said: you are the little brother I never had, you are the only friend I've ever had - and there was the thing he longed to say but did not feel he dared:  
  
You are one of only three people in my life I've ever truly loved with all my heart.   
  
"A kindred spirit." Lex whispered. "You are bigger than Smallville Clark. You are as much in exile here as I am."  
  
Clark stared at him, and to Lex's utter amazement, his eyes filled with tears.   
  
A line quirked into being upon Lex's brow. "Clark what is it? Jesus, you're falling apart now!" He meant it as a joke, but the words fell rather flat considering Clark was indeed an emotional wreck at the moment. "Come on, let me take you home."   
  
"I don't want to go home."   
  
Lex, his hand upon Clark's arm in his effort to guide him to the car, stopped abruptly at the tone of the words. They now stood very close together, and their eyes were locked. Clark's were still damp with the tears which glistened upon his long dark lashes like diamonds and there was no mistaking what now burned within them.   
  
It was growing a little too warm in the alley.   
  
"You amaze me." Lex whispered.   
  
"Is that what you call it?"  
  
"You made me swear Clark."  
  
"I made a mistake thinking I could just brush it off and forget it."  
  
Lex had to fight to make his voice steady. "You're sixteen Clark, you have no idea what you want and this might not be it."   
  
Clark lowered his eyes and looked away. "It may be all I ever get." he whispered.   
  
The loneliness was palatable, weighing heavy in the air around them, an echo of the pain Lex had felt just recently. It was Clark's turn, and Lex had to be there to pull him out of the tail spin. He wondered if he could do it. He wasn't nearly as strong.   
  
"That's a good attitude to have." he quipped.  
  
"You don't know the whole story." One hand came up to wipe away the remaining tears with trembling fingers.   
  
Lex pursed his lips and sighed. "Not for lack of trying." he paused and added quietly, "I wish you would trust me."   
  
Their eyes met again.   
  
"I can't." Clark whispered. "Not yet."   
  
Those delicate fingers brushed Lex's mouth, as much a kiss as a caress, and Lex tasted the saltiness of the tears upon them. His body was set aflame, and the answer it gave in response to the implied request made him groan out loud.   
  
"Shit. Get in the car Clark."  
  
************************  
  
"Where's Vicky?" Clark murmured.  
  
It was late afternoon, and the room was bathed in an ever darkening orange glow from the waning sunlight coming in the big windows to either side of Lex's big four poster bed. The windows made the room cold, despite the modern heating system. A fire would have warmed it more, but building a fire would require energy Lex did not want to spare, or calling a servant he did not want to be witness to his latest indiscretion. Beneath the silk sheets the bed was warm, so it mattered very little to Lex anyway as long as he did not have to get up.   
  
He never wanted to get up. He kissed the dark head that lay upon his chest. "Gone" he said quietly. "Probably back to her other lover." One arm, thrown around Clark's broad shoulders, tightened, and the other he raised so that he could run his fingers through those glossy black curls. They were the same soft texture as the sheets.   
  
"She had one?"  
  
Lex made a face. "Probably several, but I think she made my father a priority this time."  
  
Clark raised his head, his eyes questioning. "That's dirty."  
  
"All is fair in love and war Clark." Lex whispered, and shifted himself down so that they were face to face. His hands teased, caressing back, hips and thighs as he pressed closer. No response yet.   
  
"I don't think Lana is playing me Lex, I think she's as confused as I am."   
  
"Unless she's sleeping with Chloe, I really don't think so." Lex initiated a kiss, found it reciprocated, and prolonged it with teeth and tongue until, breathless, they parted.   
  
Clark licked his lips. "You know what I mean."   
  
Lex leaned in, and also licked Clark's lips. "No." he said. "Why don't you show me just how confused you are Clark." Green eyes glittered dangerously as a hand slipped between them.   
  
Ah, hmm. That got a response.   
  
"I think you are playing me." Clark's voice was rough, but his eyes were half closed, and his breath caught as Lex's hands continued to explore his body. "Not Lana." he gasped.  
  
"You bet I am." Lex said. "But you asked for it."   
  
He received a moan in reply, and after that things got a little too complicated for idle chit chat.  
  
***************  
  
Clark left at seven.   
  
"I'm already late for dinner." he'd said, with a quick parting kiss.   
  
Lex was uncomfortably reminded by those words that he'd been lounging around making love all afternoon with a boy not far from childhood, who still lived with his parents and worried about getting home to do his homework.   
  
It made him more than a little bit ill.   
  
He sighed, and rolled into the warm hollow Clark had left behind. Lex could still smell him upon the pillow - a somewhat spicy, sweet scent like a bell pepper. It was something Lex noticed on more than one occasion. Even during the most passionate moments, Clark did not sweat profusely, but instead that odd peppery scent rose from a body just barely dampened. Lex sweated like a pig, and if he had not been as warm and comfortable as he was, he would have immediately gotten up for a shower. As it were he lay curled around a pillow, gradually drifting off to sleep with snatches of their last bit of conversation flitting through his mind.   
  
"Sworn to secrecy?" Lex had asked.   
  
"As always."   
  
Their gaze never parted, their eyes searched each other's heart as they spoke.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere." Lex whispered. "I'll be here."  
  
Clark smiled gently. "For the in between times?"   
  
"For any time you need me."  
  
"Promise?" Clark's breath was whisper soft against Lex's mouth. His lips were warm.  
  
"Promise." 


	3. The Tangled Web

"I think," Lex thought to himself. "If either of us were asked if we were lonely, we'd both answer 'no' and be lying to ourselves."   
  
He sat at one of the outdoor tables set up in front of the Beanery with Clark and Chloe, supposedly helping them with a project they were doing for history. Knowing Lex's penchant for Greek history, they came to him for a different insight into the Trojan War, and to hit him up for books from his private library, both of which he was quite happy to provide. He'd arrived with an armful of books, which Chloe and Clark accepted with great excitement, and now sat chatting with them as they poured over the pages.   
  
Well not at the moment. They were too engrossed in the books, their heads together - dark and light - over a particularly interesting passage regarding Achilles, and Lex was too engrossed in watching them. Not much was being said at the moment, and that was fine with Lex.   
  
He continued his private discourse with himself. "We're both looking for ourselves, and retreat back to each other when things get too confusing." What had he said? "Kindred spirits."  
  
The wolves at Lex's door were his father's demands and a haunted past. Clark's, he suspected, were much more complex and still quite unknown. Whatever secrets he carried in his heart, they sat upon his shoulders with a weight much heavier than a boy his age should have to bear; and even his parents were sometimes not enough to support him. When the darkness came over him, and the wolves nipped at his heels, Clark found safety with one who knew darkness far, far too well. Lex asked no questions (outright in any case) and demanded nothing, and in accepting the challenge of banishing Clark's shadows, took a little bit of light away for himself.   
  
"So we meet in the middle, both a bit tarnished, to catch our breaths."  
  
Then....  
  
"He goes back into the light, and I fade into the shadows."  
  
Lex hid his sigh behind a sip of his coffee, and leaned forward to point out something of interest in the book they were reading.   
  
"How does he do it?" he asked himself. "I look at him and all I can think about is the last time were were alone together. I close my eyes and I feel his body next to mine and taste his breath on my lips...and I know it must show on my face how I feel. He shows nothing, as if our times together never occurred. I know how passionate he can be, and yet he stands close to me and I feel nothing from him. It's as if he has an off switch hidden somewhere."   
  
A man used to keeping secrets, Lex's inner voice answered him, is a man well versed in suppressing his emotions.   
  
"Trust me." Lex begged. "Tell me what you're hiding. I will not love you any less."  
  
As if that mattered.   
  
"But you won't. You'll let me have your body. You'll let me toy with your mind. But heart and soul will never be mine."  
  
And.....  
  
"Even knowing that, I cannot love you any less."  
  
Clark looked aside to jot down some notes in the binder beside him, and Lex found himself admiring the view as Clark's face was turned to him at an angle. The fall of his dark hair, the color of his eyes, the shape of his mouth; there was nothing about him that was unattractive and Lex often wondered why more people did not see it. Lex certainly did, and, he noted with a slight smile, so did Chloe. Even as Lex's gaze drifted towards Clark, so did Chloe's, and her expression was filled with a quiet longing. Lex had seen her little surreptitious looks before; Chloe had more than a little crush on her best friend. Chloe was in love with him.   
  
Her expression shifted back into neutral as Clark turned back to her.   
  
Lex grinned into his coffee. He knew this game, but he was a little further along in it than Chloe.   
"Did you know Chloe is in love with you?" Lex had asked Clark once. "Why aren't you in her bed?"  
  
"I don't want to ruin our friendship."  
  
Lex's had raised a brow at that response. "So you're risking our friendship?"   
  
"You think we are?"  
  
"Are what, friends? Or risking our friendship?"  
  
"Taking the risk of losing our friendship." Clark had appeared rather alarmed, something which Lex noted with some satisfaction.   
  
"No. We are, however, risking our lives."   
  
Clark had laughed.   
  
It was true. All of it. Lex, surprisingly, would probably be stronger than Chloe if it came down to Clark finally making his decisions and moving on in life. If he left her for Lana, for example, Chloe would be crushed. Lex would miss him, surely, but would go about his business as usual. It was also true that if either Lionel Luthor or Jonathan Kent discovered their sons engaged in their little sexual experiment, someone would get strung up from the flagpole in the town square, and odds were it would be Lex.   
  
Strung up, arrested, completely ruined and humiliated; was it worth it?  
  
Lex glanced at Clark, who was grinning at one of Chloe's jokes.  
  
Oh God, yes.  
  
**********************  
  
Lex stood in the loft window peering through Clark's telescope at Lana, who sat on her front porch reading a book. Maliciously he hoped she would do something gross, like pick her nose, just so he could say to Clark: "look, she's human, not some ethereal goddess."  
  
She twirled a lock of hair around one finger, turned a page, and left her nose alone.   
  
Lex turned away from the view in disgust. "You ever peek in her bedroom window?"  
  
"No." Clark lounged on the little sofa where he'd thrown himself the moment he'd arrived; typical of a kid his age. "The angle is all wrong."  
  
With a grin, Lex walked across the loft to lean on a support beam opposite to where Clark lay sprawled. "So you've tried."  
  
"Of course I tried." He was blushing, however, which told Lex he felt guilty about it. Lex was probably the only person to whom he'd admit the naughty deed.   
  
Given the naughty deeds he'd done with Lex, attempting to peek through Lana's bedroom window was quite mild in comparison.   
  
When Chloe left the Beanery, Lex gave Clark a ride home, and he now stalled prior to going home himself. He was reluctant to leave him, and more than that, wanted to set up an evening together. It had been two weeks and a day since they'd last "conferred" and Lex was overdue for a fix. That afternoon's quiet observations, and watching Clark lay sprawled before him now, were conspiring to make Lex quite uncomfortable in his presence and that would never do. A certain status quo must be maintained within the public eye, and if Lex squirmed every time Clark batted an eye, the status quo was disrupted.   
  
"I'm addicted to you." Lex thought, and he had no idea how to approach the subject, an unusual situation for him.   
  
"Too bad, I'm sure it would be an interesting view." he remarked, in reference to Lana. "I wonder if Whitney has seen the inside of her bedroom?"  
  
"I'm sure he has." Clark sounded slightly disgruntled as he swung his legs off the couch and stood up. He went to the telescope and peered through it. "And Nell should be more diligent when they're out on the porch together too."  
  
"A little petting?" With a chuckle, Lex joined him at the window.   
  
Clark laughed. "Quite heavy on occasion, enough to fog up the lenses."   
  
Does it get you hot Clark?  
  
Lex mentally slapped himself for the thought.   
  
"She'll catch them one of these days."   
  
"Whitney will be banished, and you'll move in, no harm no foul, right?"  
  
"Uhhuh." Clark adjusted the focus as he continued to look through the 'scope. "Why do they chance it?" he murmured.   
  
"Its dangerous, and risky, and sometimes that little hint of fear translates into quite a turn on." Lex replied quietly. "As if you didn't know that Clark."  
  
Oddly enough he did not look up. "The fear of discovery?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I hope you don't intend to test the theory right now."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Clark turned around with a wry smile. "Because my mother is on her way over here." He straightened and glanced at his watch. "Dinner is probably ready."  
  
"I'll go." Lex replied, and started to do so.   
  
"Its supposed to rain tomorrow." Clark said softly.  
  
Their eyes met.   
  
Ah, so I'm not the only one.  
  
Lex cleared his throat as he heard Martha starting up the stairs. "Come over tomorrow afternoon. We'll shoot some pool."  
  
"Sure."  
  
**************************  
  
It didn't just rain, it poured. Clark arrived a bit after two in the afternoon and the rain was coming down in torrents. The mansion was cold and damp, but Lex had the heat cranked, a fire roaring in the fireplace in the den, and hot coffee ready. The cold wet weather did not seem to ruffle Clark's feathers any, but he stripped off his sodden coat and accepted his coffee with a grateful smile and a kind word to Hannah. Hannah, like all of Lex's servants, adored Clark. Additionally, she was quite discrete. Lex took great pains to make sure the people he kept closest to him were unflaggingly loyal and could keep their mouths shut. When he told Hannah he and Clark were not to be disturbed, she would see to it.   
  
Lex locked the doors after she left.   
  
Just in case.   
  
"Who's turn is it?" Lex asked.  
  
Clark settled into the sofa with his cup of coffee. "Yours I believe." he replied, sipping at the warm beverage. "I'm ahead by two games, loser goes first."  
  
Selecting a cue from the rack beside the table, Lex shot him a smirk, "Smart ass." He bent over the table and sent the cue ball spinning towards the break. "You really have to stop hanging around with me Clark, I'm corrupting you."  
  
"I'll concede to that point, but by the same token, you seem to be mellowing."  
  
"Don't let any of my business associates hear you say that, you'll ruin my reputation." He sized up the angles, and made his first shot. The selected ball shot into a corner pocket with a sharp "crack" and Lex moved around to look for his second shot. "Are you still looking at our relationship as therapy?"  
  
"I look at our relationship as friendship."  
  
"Our sexual relationship Clark."  
  
There was only silence, and Lex turned around to find Clark brooding into his cup. He glanced up as he felt Lex's eyes on him, and his expression was very carefully neutral.   
  
"I don't know." he said quietly. "I just - sometimes I need to know I can feel - something. Something other than loneliness and fear, and sometimes I need to feel safe."  
  
Lex burst out laughing. "And you feel safe with me?"  
  
"Despite the fact you snoop around on me behind my back, and that the very nature of the relationship is dangerous in the extreme - yeah, I do." His grey eyes were mild, content. "I trust you."   
  
Ah, God, he does. Finally. Finally. Lex searched those eyes, and found the truth in them, and his heart soared. His voice was soft, however, and sober.   
  
"Then tell me what you're afraid of Clark."   
  
The raven head moved slightly; back and forth in the negative. "I can't do that Lex."  
  
It came out a bit harsh. "Why the fuck not?"   
  
Clark took it quite calmly. "Because the secret isn't mine alone."   
  
Frustrated, Lex turned back to the table, and promptly messed up his shot. He cursed, and whirled on Clark. "You have a slightly skewed definition of trust." he raged, and moved away from the table.   
  
Standing, Clark put his mug down on the coffee table, and moved to select a pool cue. He was careful in the selection, as his reach was longer than Lex's. "I said I trust you. Other people do not, and I can't betray their confidences knowing they don't trust you to keep them."   
  
"I hate it when you get moralistic on me Clark."  
  
Clark made the shot Lex missed, and the next one as well. Lex watched, fascinated. Clark barely moved the cue and yet the ball shot off the end of it to hit its victim with a sound like a lightning strike and into the pocket as if shot from a cannon.   
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you're always right."  
  
"I'm not always right Lex, or moralistic."   
  
Lex leaned on his cue as he watched Clark pick off most of the pool balls left on the table, one after another. He'd been stupid to give Clark the opening, because the kid rarely missed once he got going. "Not including sleeping with me, give me an example."  
  
There was a pause.   
  
"Sam Phalen."  
  
"You slept with him?"  
  
Startled, Clark missed his shot. "What?" His eyes were narrow when he turned around to give Lex a hard stare.   
  
Lex chuckled. "Made you miss." He gestured Clark out of the way as he took his turn at the table. "You can hardly be blamed for having your morals slip around Phalen, Clark, the guy was a complete bastard."  
  
"I almost killed him Lex." Clark said quietly.  
  
"Sure you did." Lex sized up the shot Clark had left him.   
  
"No. You don't understand. I almost killed him."  
  
Something in Clark's voice made him hesitate.   
  
Lex turned his head, looking up at Clark, who stood at his side watching his reaction. As soon as he saw the expression on Clark's face, he stopped and straightened to look at him. "Jesus, Clark. You're serious!"  
  
"I had him. He came by after they took dad to jail, and I lost it Lex. I had him pinned, and if he'd said one wrong word I would have split his skull. In a nanosecond he could have been dead."  
  
Lex stared at him in disbelief. He had always known Clark was much, much more than he seemed, and time after time it was proven. This confession added an even new dimension to Clark's character. That he was even capable of getting close to committing murder only served to reinforce Lex's conviction that Clark's shadows might possibly be darker than his own. Whatever Clark's secret might be, was it heavy enough to justify killing someone who knew it? Phalen had never said he knew, but to Lex it was obvious he did. Phalen had almost died, pushing Clark too far with his knowledge, so obviously the answer to the question was "yes".   
  
Damn. What was this kid hiding?  
  
"What stopped you?"  
  
Clark shrugged. "Besides the fact he did not say the wrong thing? I can't honestly say. Something just clicked, and I got control again." He let his breath out in a long sigh, and smiled. "Or maybe it was the vision of trying to clean his blood off the kitchen floor before mom got home."  
  
The grim mood shattered with the joke, and Lex shook his head. "He died anyway, in the end, trying to rob the museum of all things." He made his shot, paused to wriggle his brows at Clark in a gloat, and moved to the opposite side of the table to make his next.  
  
"As if you weren't there?" Clark commented quietly.  
  
The cue ball went wide of its target, and vanished into a pocket. Scratch.  
  
"Made you miss."   
  
They stared at each other from opposite sides of the pool table.   
  
Lex's eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure I like this darker version either."  
  
"James Bond you're not." Clark grinned, and fished the cue ball out of the pocket. He went to the end of the table to set up his shot, but his eyes never left Lex. They were bright, and mischievous, and utterly beautiful. "I saw you as soon as we pulled out of the driveway."   
  
"Clark, I was just making sure you didn't get hurt."  
  
He cocked his head, his smile turning wry, and sent the cue ball zipping across the table. "Sure you were." He came around to Lex's side. "And you were hoping to find out what he had over me too weren't you?"  
  
Lex was in his way, but made no attempt to move. "Of course." He met the grey eyes with a matching glint in his own. "You're enjoying putting me on the spot today aren't you."  
  
"Its usually the other way around. I'm giving you a dose of your own medicine."  
  
"Its turning me on."   
  
"Is it?" Clark took a step closer, and his voice was whisper soft. "You're in the way of my shot."   
  
His eyes met Lex's, and Lex would swear he actually saw something shift within them. The off switch flipped on, and he could feel the desire undulating towards him like some sort of force field.   
  
"Am I?" Lex breathed, spellbound.   
  
"Hmhmm."   
  
Lex was beginning to truly enjoy the taste of peppermint.   
  
"I never taught you to kiss like that." he whispered when it was over.   
  
"Some things are instinctual." Clark replied, and demonstrated his technique a second time, with the addition of a bit of tongue and teeth. He set his cue stick aside.   
  
"I hate it when you're moralistic. I love it when you're aggressive." Lex gasped finally, pulling away a bit. "I think you won the game, you sunk the most balls."  
  
"There's a dirty joke there."   
  
"We're playing pool Clark, the sex jokes are endless." Lex tipped back his head to receive a kiss upon his throat and tossed aside his cue. Both hands were now free, and one slipped up Clark's shirt to caress the hard stomach, while the other.....  
  
"Such as: I see you've brought your own stick."   
  
"That was horrible." Clark murmured, pressing close. Lex watched as the buttons on his shirt popped and rolled across the floor, thus exposing his chest to Clark's continued oral explorations. He hissed as lips brushed across one nipple and lingered there; teasing, tongue working....  
  
"I never said they were good jokes, and I wouldn't criticize them while my hand is where it is if I were you. I might take offense - ow - shit Clark, you are in an aggressive mood. No biting."  
  
"How much weight do you think this pool table will support?"   
  
The question took Lex by surprise. He scowled.  
  
"A lot, I guess, why?"  
  
Clark backed him up against it, and his fingers slipped into the top of Lex's slacks.   
  
"I don't think we're going to make it upstairs."  
  
**************************  
  
They made it to the table, but not much further than that, and when the pounding began on the doors, Lex swore he pulled a muscle as he jerked his head up to look over Clark's shoulder. His voice was hoarse and his body was throbbing.   
  
"Damnit....Hannah!" he bellowed. "I thought I told you...."  
  
The voice that roared through the doors, quite unmuffled by them, did not belong to the housekeeper and it immediately squelched Lex's passion.   
  
"Lex!"   
  
Oh holy.....  
  
"Fuck! Its my father!"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Move, move!"   
  
Lex scrambled off the table, pulling at his clothes and cursing as he realized there was not a single button left on his shirt. He gave up trying to secure it, left it hanging open, and adopted an expression of calm as he hurried to the doors. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed a completely dressed and seemingly unruffled Clark standing beside the pool table.  
  
How does he do that?   
  
The doors burst open immediately upon Lex unlocking them. He had to step back as Lionel Luthor breezed into the room in a swirl of coat tails and long greying hair. As always, the moment he stepped into a room he made it his own and there was no doubt that despite the fact it was Lex's home, Lionel was very much in charge.   
  
"I hate him." Lex thought viciously. "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him."   
  
He smiled.   
  
"Dad!"  
  
Lionel turned a cold glare upon his son, his eyes flickering to the open shirt and the bare feet and back to Lex's face. He said nothing, but took a step towards Lex, and putting two long fingers under his chin, forced his head to the side to reveal a rather livid red mark along the juncture of neck and shoulder. Lex had suspected it was there, and though he could not see it, the look on Lionel's face confirmed its presence.   
  
Lex swallowed rather heavily, but kept his composure. "Let me guess, Victoria sent you." he said coldly. He barely had time to brace himself.  
  
He hit the floor, hard, under the force of Lionel's backhand. Instinctively he put a hand to his stinging face and for a moment his eyes watered. The old man hadn't struck him like that in years, and Lex was taken off guard, but he managed to shake his head as Clark took a step forward.   
  
Lionel saw it, and turned on Clark.   
  
"You! Get out."   
  
Lex was rather surprised to see Clark actually hesitate under the order despite the chilling tone. His eyes flickered to Lex, who slowly levered himself to his feet, and back to Lionel. His expression, and his body language, spoke of nothing but defiance.   
  
"Go on Clark." Lex said quietly. "Go home."  
  
The grey eyes turned to him again, and Lex nodded towards the doors.   
  
"Its all right. Go on."  
  
Without a word, Clark made his exit, but he gave Lionel one last cool look before he left; a look belonging to a much older individual. Lex wondered if it were the same look Phalen saw in those few seconds his life hung balanced in Clark's hands, and if it were, he'd been prudent not to push Clark any further. Lex watched him go with some unease.  
  
Lionel watched as well and when Clark was gone he stalked back to the doors to pull them shut again. When he turned to face Lex, his expression was grim and his voice dangerously soft.   
  
"Why don't you tell me just what the hell is going on here." 


	4. Shadows and Light

"Why don't you tell me just what the hell is going on here."  
  
Lex pointedly ignored him, turning away and walking towards the bar at the back of the room. Alcohol was definitely in order to get him through this confrontation and thank God his back was to his father as he poured the scotch. He would not allow the old man to see his hands shake.   
"So did she tell you I was entertaining young boys in my boudoir and that you'd better get here quickly and put a stop to it?" He took a drink, and almost immediately felt the calming affects as the burning liquid ran down his throat. It gave him the courage to turn around. "Because judging from your expression when you burst through those doors, that's what you thought you'd found."  
  
"Wasn't it?" Lionel demanded. "You, half dressed...."  
  
"Him fully dressed?" Lex raised an eyebrow. "Come on dad. I'm home, in my own living room. I've been stuck in meetings all damn day, if I want to kick off the shoes and the tie why is that a problem? Secondly, in case you haven't noticed, its rather warm in here."  
  
It was quite warm. The fire roared in the fireplace, and as he spoke Lex heard the furnace kick into high gear; not to mention the heat he and Clark were generating just moments earlier.   
  
And how his face burned where Lionel had hit him.   
  
"I'd be rather embarrassed if I were you. An emotional outburst? In front of company? And - you actually believed the lies of a double dealing whore like Victoria Hardwick? Shame on you dad. You're slipping in your old age." Lex raised his glass, keeping his eyes upon Lionel over its edge as he drank.  
  
Point.  
  
"Was she lying about Ryan Farrow?"  
  
Counterpoint.   
  
Damn Victoria. First Clark, now Lionel. Why didn't she just print the story in the fucking newspaper?  
  
Lex drew a breath, held it, and let it out slowly. "No." He carefully advanced upon Lionel's position, which brought him back within striking range. "That - was a long time ago, and considering the fact he is very dead, hardly worth mentioning."   
  
Ah, God! Ryan I'm sorry.   
  
Lionel was, of course, merciless. "What other sick and perverted affairs have you hidden from me Lex? What scandals have you created? The ones I took care of for you were bad enough and you know what will happen if word of this is leaked to the public. I thought I taught you better."  
  
Lex smiled. "Oh you did, dad. You taught me very well. Believe me, if it weren't for the fact Victoria opened her big mouth, you would have never found out about Ryan." He paused, the smile fading, but he did not allow Lionel to speak. "You taught me prudence, but you also taught me the art of the cover up, and I've prudently covered up quite a bit that even you won't be able to find. If I bedded every teen-aged boy in this fucking hell hole of a town you've dumped me in no one would ever know, including you, so don't you dare lecture me on discretion!"  
  
"You underestimate me...." Lionel growled.  
  
"No! You underestimate me!"   
  
Later Lex would be surprised he did not retreat when Lionel charged him, but now, as his father rounded on him and they stood face to face within inches of each other, he stood his ground. He did not move, but stared stonily at a point somewhere past Lionel's shoulder as the elder Luthor raged at him.   
  
"You listen to me, and you listen good. You are damn right I put you here, and I can move you out. I'm getting tired of this Lex. I'm tired of the games, the deceit, and your complete and utter disrespect for your position within my company...."  
  
"Your company..."   
  
"MY company!" Lionel roared, making Lex flinch. "I built LuthorCorp out of nothing - nothing! And I will not stand back and see it ruined by an irresponsible brat with nothing better to do than to diddle around playing sex games with anyone he can get his hands on, even if he is my son. Shape up, and do it now, or your next stop will make Smallville Kansas look like a Goddamn paradise! Is that clear?"  
  
Lex said nothing.   
  
"Is...that...clear?" Lionel grated.   
  
"Absolutely crystal." Lex cut his eyes sideways, meeting his father's gaze.   
  
This one was far, far from over.   
  
Lionel's voice softened, but deceptively so, for his tone was cool. "I will ask you - one time - what was going on here tonight?  
  
Lex made him wait for it.   
  
"I was playing a game of pool with a friend," he said finally. "Nothing more."   
  
He was lying. They both knew it.   
  
"If you are lying Lex, and this blows up in your face, I will not support you. You'll be on your own, and you better hope you can cover it up." Lionel backed off, turned, and placed a hand on the end of the table. He did not look at Lex as he spoke. "That was the Kent kid, wasn't it?"  
  
"I don't see what difference...."  
  
Lionel jerked his head around. "Wasn't it?"  
  
Lex hesitated, but answered, "Yes, it was." and again stood his ground as Lionel returned to face him.  
  
"I'll give you this warning Lex, as your father who cares for you...."  
  
Right.  
  
"Do not cross Jonathan Kent."  
  
Startled, Lex drew his brows together in a frown. Of all the things running through his mind that Lionel could have said, "do not cross Jonathan Kent" was not one of them. They stared at each other, and Lex, burning with the desire to demand an elaboration, knew he could not ask. Lionel wanted him to ask, and Lex refused to acquiesce even on that small point.   
  
"I'll remember that dad, should I ever decide to seduce his son."   
  
Lionel scowled, and turned away. "Get dressed, properly, dinner is in an hour." He threw open the doors. "Hannah!"   
  
Lex was left alone to stare at his father's back as Lionel exited the room.   
  
So. Clark had been telling the truth. His secrets involved more people than just himself.   
  
Lionel Luthor?   
  
Abruptly, Lex whirled, and in a blind rage, threw the glass of scotch he still held into the fire behind him. The glass shattered. The flames rose in snarling demons, fed by the alcohol; and Lex stalked out into the shadows of the hallway, following his father's path.   
  
******************  
  
Lionel was gone just after breakfast the next day, leaving Lex with a livid bruise across his cheek and in a foul temper. He made Hannah cry, and fired the gardener, before getting in his car and driving into town at well over the legal speed limit. A part of him cowered in the corner, begging him not to commit the act he knew was coming, but jealousy and hurt overwhelmed that bit of common sense. Lex wanted to know just how Lionel was involved with Clark and the secrets he kept, and by God, Clark was going to tell him.   
  
Clark wasn't hard to find.   
  
Lex stormed into the Beanery with his coat tails swirling out behind him like dark writing shadows, and with a stone cold expression gracing his face. He ignored the waitress who greeted him, and made his way to his goal with a determined stride until he came upon the correct table and dug his fingers into Clark's shoulder. Chloe, Lana, and Pete Ross were sitting with him, and they stared in silence as Lex growled his command.   
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
Clark looked at him sharply. "Lex, what....."  
  
"I need to talk to you, now!"   
  
A trio of emotions flickered through Clark's grey eyes; confusion, anger, and finally - fear. He murmured a quick apology to his friends, and followed Lex out of the shop and into the street. They stopped around the corner where Lex had once again parked his car, and there Lex turned on him.  
  
"Tell me the truth Clark, how is my father involved in your life?"  
  
"What? What do you mean?"  
  
Lex fought to keep his voice low and steady, despite the trembling rage he felt. "He has a history, with your father. What is it? Does it have to do with the secrets you keep from me? Does he know them? You don't trust me, but my father knows, is that it?"  
  
"Lex, I have no idea what you're talking about...."  
  
"You're lying to me."  
  
Clark flinched, just as if Lex had hit him. His face froze into an unreadable mask, but the pain in those wide grey eyes was clear. His voice, when he finally spoke, was as chill as an arctic storm.   
  
"Whatever happened between my father and yours started long before either of us were born Lex and most likely involves the unscrupulous business practices LuthorCorp used to take over this county. It has nothing to do with anything related to me what-so-ever, but if you are so petty, and jealous, to believe I'm lying about it, fine." He started to turn, but Lex stopped him.   
  
"Then you tell me what I want to know."  
  
Clark's eyes flickered to the hand on his elbow, and then back to Lex. "No."  
  
"Why?" Lex raged.   
  
"Why does it matter? Its nothing Lex, and its everything, but it shouldn't come between us. Let it go!"   
  
"I can't Clark!"  
  
It was Clark's turn, and his voice cracked a bit in his frustration. "Why?"  
  
"Because....."   
  
I love you.   
  
"I can help you shoulder the burden." Lex whispered. "If only you would let me."   
  
Their eyes met and held, until finally Clark looked away.   
  
"You can't." he said softly. "Its mine to bear." He raised his head again, and again found Lex's eyes. "And its bigger than the two of us Lex. Its much bigger, and I can take no chances, not even with....the people I care about."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I want to understand."  
  
"I know, but you can't help me Lex. Please, just let it go!"   
  
A hard knot rose in Lex's throat, and he was having a very difficult time swallowing it back down. The ache of it made his eyes water, twisted his heart into a burning knot of pain, and filled his soul with darkness.   
  
"Then it will always be between us, because I cannot let it go. Let me in Clark."   
  
Because I can feel the shadows closing in on me and I'm afraid. I need you to need me.   
  
"Don't do this to me." Clark whispered.   
  
Lex stared at him, searching those cool grey eyes for an opening he knew he would not find. The answer was no, access denied, and it would remain so no matter what Lex would say or do. In the end all he could do was look away to hide the tears only one other person had ever seen him shed, and bring an end to the conversation.   
  
He turned, and walked away.   
  
***********************  
  
"We weren't finished."   
  
He could not escape.   
  
But he wasn't particularly trying to either.  
  
Lex did not turn around at the sound of the doors opening and shutting, nor did he when he heard the voice. He continued to stare out the windows at the rain which had begun earlier that afternoon after a day of relative sunshine. Fickle spring weather.   
  
"I thought we were." He said quietly, placing a hand on one of the square panes. It was turning cold again too.   
  
"Don't shut me out."   
  
Lex's shoulders tightened, and this time he could not resist turning. "Oh that's rich Clark. Don't shut you out. Why? You can dish it out, but you can't take it? Is that it?"   
  
"No."   
  
"That's what it sounds like to me."  
  
Clark came into the room in a manner much like Lionel had the day before; rushing forward to confront Lex with just a few long strides.   
  
"You talk about trust? I'm trusting you Lex. I've given you absolutely everything I can without jeopardizing other people's lives and yet you demand more. What have you given me? Can't you trust me enough to accept that I cannot reveal everything? Its all I'm asking. One little item. Trust me to know what I'm doing when I keep things from you. Trust me to know its for your own good. Accept what you have of me, because its all I have to give."  
  
Lex stood at the window, hands in his pockets, his gaze directed at the fire flickering upon the hearth. He could not, at that moment, look at Clark, but he could sense his presence and feel the warmth of his body even though they were still several feet apart.   
  
"And if I don't?" he asked finally.  
  
"Then we both have nothing." Clark whispered. "And I don't think either of us can stand to be alone again."  
  
Lex looked up at him, then looked back to the fire with a sigh.   
  
"I called my father, after I left the Beanery this morning. I asked him what he meant when he warned me about crossing Jonathan."   
  
"And what did he say?"  
  
His mouth quirking into a slight smile, Lex turned and crossed the few feet that separated them. "My father told me, " he said quietly. "that your father is a stubborn, hard headed son of a bitch and if I ever laid a hand on you he would not hesitate to rip out my guts with a pitchfork and use them to hang me from the rafters."  
  
Clark pursed his lips in the slightly shy smile Lex found so reminiscent of Ryan.  
  
"He said that?"  
  
Ah, but Ry, you were never quite so difficult.   
  
"Not in so many words, but that was the gist of it. Apparently Jonathan headed a campaign to keep LuthorCorp from purchasing land around the county, and things got a bit nasty. I also got the impression a woman may have been involved. Typical."   
  
Outside, the rain beat against the glass, and Lex could hear the wind rushing through the trees. A low rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance and for once he was grateful for the mansion's thick, stone walled construction. It was going to be a rough night outside.   
  
"I hate him Clark." he whispered.   
  
"I know."   
  
"All this, " Lex nodded towards the room in general. "Is his. I have nothing of my own. Everything I have comes from him, except for a few things my mother left me, my memories of Ryan - and you."  
  
He raised his eyes to the grey ones before him. In the dim light of the room they were the same color as the stormy skies beyond the walls, and in them he found a compassion rarely graced upon him by anyone else.   
  
And that is why I love you.  
  
"I'm sorry." he said softly. "Clark, I am so sorry. I just - I thought he might have known your secrets - secrets you would not share with me. I thought, having that knowledge, he might have owned you on top of everything else in my life, and that I could not stand." Their eyes never broke their contact.   
  
The reply was barely audible: "Nobody owns me Lex."   
  
Lex moved closer, and he tipped his head slightly, his breath gentle upon Clark's lips.   
  
"Not even me?" he whispered; and his kiss was light.   
  
"Not even you." Clark breathed. His eyes were very wide, and almost all pupil in the fading light. "I called my mom from the foyer when I got here." He said quietly. "I told her I might be late because of the storm."  
  
"Did you?" Lex raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Uhhuh."   
  
"You are getting devious Clark."  
  
Clark smiled. "I know."  
  
Mouths met again, this time lingering, and working together with an ever increasing intensity until with gentle sparring of tongues, the passion began to resonate from that connection outward into bodies slowly warming. Lex ran out of breath, and had to turn his head away with a gasp.   
  
"I think we're back to where we were when daddy dearest staged his interruption." he managed with some difficulty.   
  
"No, " Clark murmured. "We were on the pool table."   
  
"You know what I mean." Lex eyed the table in question with some trepidation. "Bad luck?"   
  
"I would say so."  
  
"Bedroom?"  
  
"Bedroom."   
  
***********************  
  
Lex curled his body around the one in his arms. They lay cupped together spoon fashioned, basking in the warmth generated from a great deal of rather pleasant activity just ended. He was tired, and Clark's broad shoulders were more than comfortable beneath his cheek, resulting in his eyelids slowly closing. He did not sleep, but instead lay listening to the beat of Clark's heart and the steady rise and fall of his breathing, wanting nothing more than to have this moment last forever. The quiet warmth of Clark's body was comforting, and the sounds of life coursing through it drove away the last of the shadows Lex felt Lionel had cast over him.   
  
Lex's anger and frustration at his father had made his love-making a bit rougher usual, but as he carelessly spent himself out upon Clark's unresisting body, there had been not one utterance of complaint or protest. Clark was, on the other hand, perhaps more careful and more gentle than usual and as he quietly sought his own pleasure, he brought Lex's to the fore once again. Carefully orchestrated, delicately played, Clark timed everything perfectly until their bodies sang in harmony, rising to crescendo on a blinding wave of ecstasy - and drift back down to pianissimo with the softest of sighs.   
  
"You're okay? I didn't hurt you?"   
  
"No." Clark sighed, turned around, and curled himself into Lex's chest after a reassuring brush of his lips against the bruised cheek. "You can't hurt me."   
  
Lex rested that bruised cheek upon the soft dark waves of Clark's hair, marveling, as always, at its texture. "How long is this going to last?" he asked quietly.   
  
"At least another hour, unless we fall asleep."   
  
"You know what I mean Clark."   
  
A sigh.   
  
"I don't know."   
  
"You won't ever let me be alone will you?"  
  
Clark's voice was faint, betraying that he was falling asleep. "No." he murmured. "I'll always be around."  
  
"Good." Lex whispered. He closed his eyes. "You keep the shadows away Clark."  
  
"Hmmm."  
  
"Don't ever leave me."  
  
"I won't."  
  
But you will, Lex thought. They always do. I lost my mother. I lost Ryan...   
  
I will not lose you Clark. No matter what happens. I will not let you go.  
  
At any cost. 


	5. Dark Desires

"I want to die." Lex thought. "Someone needs to come and put me out of my misery."   
  
He lay curled in a ball in the center of his bed, his head throbbing, his body aching and his sinuses filled to capacity; wishing he could throttle his doctor who swore his latest flu vaccine was guaranteed to knock off every current strain of the disease. What was the point in having the most talented and expensive physicians at ones disposal if they could not do their job correctly? They had one standing order, and that was it - keep Lex from being sick.   
  
Someone was getting a pink slip as soon as Lex gathered the strength to pick up the phone.  
  
He'd probably caught the flu running around in the cool night air after Whitney "dumb ass" Fordman and those idiot mutant jocks who had Lex totally fucked for a fortnight. They'd made off with evidence of a particularly nasty bit of misbehavior on Lex's part, stolen several irreplaceable artifacts worth a great deal of money, and put Chloe in the hospital. Lex liked Chloe. She reminded him of himself - never satisfied with what she could see on the surface and always digging for what was hidden beneath it. She also shared his all consuming obsession with Clark Kent, although Lex was way ahead of her in that situation and was not about to share.   
  
Clark was his.   
  
And you didn't fuck with what belonged to Lex Luthor.   
  
The whole situation had already been a royal mess; between the robbery, Chloe's injury and the blackmail attempt that Clark putting himself in the middle of it totally threw Lex into a tailspin. Lex rarely got involved in "situations" directly, preferring to let hirelings do his work for him, but when Clark was in danger of being seriously injured, if not killed, Lex roused himself out to defend what was his himself. He'd very nearly broken his cover when the jock ring leader shoved his fist into Clark's chest; as Clark's agonized cry cut him to the bone, but he'd stayed his hand until the time was right. Wade had not survived. He was lucky. Lex would have not been very kind to him had he lived.  
  
As a reward for his devotion, Lex had caught the flu and had to watch as Clark spent every minute of his free time with Chloe. It was infuriating. When he was sick Lex tended to revert to the spoiled, whining brat he'd been before the meteor shower put life in a new perspective. Thus he spent his days curled up in the middle of his bed - much as he was now - pouting because Clark did not visit him. He would have rather been curled up in bed with Clark, doing something besides pouting, but he did not see that occurring any time in the near future. Breathing was more a priority than sex at the moment.   
  
The only thing making Lex feel even halfway decent was the gloating he was doing over Fordman's loss of the football scholarship. That had taken a very complicated bit of manipulating to achieve and Lex was quite pleased with himself at having accomplished it. As long as Whitney stayed in Smallville he was a roadblock between Clark and Lana, and as long as Lana stayed out of Clark's life - Clark turned to Lex for companionship.   
  
Among other things.   
  
Lex reached one arm out from under the blankets and grabbed a handful of tissue with which to blow his nose. Fucking doctors.   
  
He heard the door open and expected Hannah to ask him if he felt up to breakfast and if he needed anything, to which a scathing reply was already forming on his tongue. He was rather startled to hear a tenor call his name instead of the housekeeper's light soprano, and he spared a look over the top of his blankets. The sight that greeted him was most welcome.  
  
"Clark." he croaked.   
  
"You sound terrible."   
  
Lex levered himself up into a sitting position, stacking his pillows behind him. "I feel terrible." he replied sullenly, but actually felt quite a bit better, especially as Clark crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "And probably don't look much better."  
  
"Your nose is all red."   
  
"Great."   
  
Clark's smile lit up the room. "Lex you've never struck me as particularly vain before."  
  
"I'm horribly vain Clark. You try being bald from the age of twelve. It makes you extremely conscious of how you look in every other aspect. Everything else has to be perfect to make up for it." he sighed, and shrugged. "So what brings you here?"  
  
"Hannah called and ordered some of mom's tomatoes. Said she was having your cook make fresh vegetable soup because you were sick."  
  
"So you came to deliver the produce."   
  
The petulant tone Lex tried to prevent must have made it into his voice despite the fact, for Clark's expression softened and he looked slightly hurt. Lex did not meet his gaze even though he wanted nothing more than to look into those grey eyes he adored so much.   
  
"I came to see how you were feeling." Clark said quietly.   
  
Lex chose to be unimpressed and changed the subject. "How's Chloe?"  
  
"Fine. She gets her cast off this week."  
  
"And the quarterback?"   
  
"Lana says he's doing all right. He's helping her with the Talon renovation."   
  
Lex couldn't resist it any longer, and he looked up into Clark's eyes. "How are you?"  
  
As usual those eyes caught him, and held him so that he could not look away and all the emotions Clark usually hid from the outside world were expressed within them. He gave that much to Lex, even if his deepest secrets were still hidden. Lex knew his heart, and knew that something was wrong beyond the fact Whitney and Lana had moved a bit closer since this last crisis. The answer to Lex's question was "not so good" and Clark didn't have to say it aloud. Lex's response was also unspoken: "tell me."  
  
"I haven't been sleeping well lately."   
  
"I've been there." Lex smiled slightly, and Clark shot back a wry smile himself. "Nightmares?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well I don't recommend drowning them in vodka."   
  
Clark laughed, which had been Lex's purpose with the joke, but after a moment both of them grew sober once again.   
  
"Dealing with Whitney, and that whole situation, just brought back some bad memories." Clark shrugged. "No big deal. I'll get over it."  
  
Lex said nothing. It was the scarecrow incident again, and this comment proved Lex's suspicion that it had been far more traumatic for Clark than he would admit. Lex remembered very well what he himself had seen, and it had shocked the hell out of him at the time. Even now, recalling the sight of Clark tied mercilessly to a stake in the middle of a cornfield made Lex's stomach tie itself up in knots. The kids pain had been obvious and each agonized breath he took had driven a knife into Lex's heart even then. Had Lex not come along when he did, Clark very likely would have died.   
  
He also had a sneaking suspicion more had happened out there that night than just a simple prank and Clark was either repressing it, didn't remember it at all, or simply refused to talk about it. Lex had gone behind him to untie the ropes that held him to the cross, and Lex had seen the dark streak of dried blood that ran down the back of his leg. Blood - and something else.  
  
"Clark," he said gently. "This has to do with homecoming night doesn't it?"  
  
The grey eyes flickered up to him; momentarily startled. "Yeah."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Clark didn't speak for a moment. "You know what happened. Whitney and his goons beat me up and tied me to a stake."  
  
"You were in pretty bad shape."  
  
"I was freezing. You hang around on a stake for hours in nothing but your underwear."  
  
"I'm sorry Clark." Lex said quietly. "But I've slept with you. I know your strength. I can't believe you went down with out a fight." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "You were sick weren't you?"  
  
Clark said nothing.   
  
"Its Lana's necklace isn't it? Something about it makes you ill. You were fine once it came off."  
  
"Don't push me Lex."   
  
There was no mistaking the tone, and Lex was forced to retreat before he lost any ground he'd previously gained. Sometimes dealing with Clark was very much like a fencing match with intricate verbal sparring. There were times where you could safely advance upon your opponent, and times where you had to back off and let them take the offensive for a while. Lex enjoyed it even as much as it frustrated him, and it was another in a long list of things he found utterly attractive about Clark.   
  
He'd gained a point though. Clark's reaction confirmed Lex's theories regarding the necklace and quite possibly the meteorites in general as well. He filed the information away, and moved away from the subject.   
  
"Regardless," he said finally. "Clark if you need to talk about it, don't push me away." He leaned forward, and gently brushed his fingertips across one finely cut cheekbone. "I swear, I'll stop with the questions. If you just want to talk, I'll listen."  
  
"I just want to forget about it." Sighing, Clark flexed his shoulders and looked away. "And that's something I'll have to do on my own."  
  
Lex sat back on his pillows. "Suit yourself." he murmured.   
  
"I have to go."   
  
"Fine."   
  
He heard the rustle of Clark's jacket, and glanced up as he moved closer. A breath of a kiss brushed his lips, and Clark's mouth lingered close.   
  
"I have missed you." Lex whispered.  
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
Another breathy kiss.  
  
"Clark you'll catch the flu."   
  
A firmer kiss cut off any further protest, but it didn't last long. Lex couldn't breathe.   
  
"I've got to go." Clark said, and got up. "I'll call. Feel better."   
  
Lex watched him leave, and settled back down into the bed with a small smile. "I feel better already."  
  
*********************  
  
Lex had discovered, during the months of what he and Clark still jokingly referred to as "therapy" , that Clark's lovemaking varied considerably based on his moods. It was as if his "on-off" switch came with an adjustable dimmer and a range of settings. When he was in a good mood he tended to be rather aggressively passionate, which turned Lex on considerably because it was so out of character for the quiet kid he knew outside of the bedroom. On the other hand, when he was upset or distracted, Clark tended to be quite passive. That suited Lex just fine as well, for then he had free rein to do whatever he wanted and fed his desire to feel possessive.   
  
He was highly possessive of Clark's body. He loved to simply look at it. Lex appreciated beautiful things - it was the reason why he collected art - and when he had first seen what Clark looked like beneath his clothes, he had been astounded. To keep himself fit, Lex worked out constantly and was not unattractive physically, but apparently farm work was very good to Clark. The kid was lean and muscular and much more developed - in more ways than one - than other kids his age. Not an inch of fat marred his perfection; no scars or blemishes either. He was absolutely beautiful. A work of fine art Lex desired more than anything else he'd ever laid eyes on.   
  
When Clark was passive, Lex got to play, and sometimes Lex liked to play dirty.   
  
He was feeling much better since his flu was vanquished and he'd set his doctors on edge with a threatening rage, and managing to get Clark over for an evening just solidified the good mood. He'd immediately dispensed with idle chit chat and dragged Clark upstairs without preamble, although Clark joked mercilessly about cold medicine being an amazing aphrodisiac. Lex silenced him with kisses, and there were no jokes now as Lex's mouth and hands kissed, caressed, and suckled every inch of his body from head to toe with particular attention paid to the center section.   
  
Lex liked to tease, and he did, his eyes drinking in the expression on Clark's face as he came nearer and nearer to release. He wouldn't get that far, Lex wouldn't allow it, but rather brought things right to the edge before backing off abruptly. The groan that produced sent shivers of excitement down Lex's back, and he waited for a moment before continuing. Again he brought Clark to the pinnacle - only to withdraw before allowing him to fall over the edge. He was quite careful to avoid Clark's clenching hands, because he had learned the hard way that the kid was a hell of a lot stronger than he looked. The bruises had lasted for a week.   
  
"Lex....."   
  
Beg Clark, because that's the only way I'm going to let you go. Lex rubbed his thighs, feeling the muscles bunch beneath his hands, but otherwise left him alone.   
  
"Hurts damnit."   
  
Lex loved it when he cursed. "Does, doesn't it."  
  
"You are such a bastard." Clark gasped, squirmed. "Oh, God, please...."  
  
"Please what?"  
  
Clark let loose with a string of cursing and dirty talk so nasty Lex nearly fell backwards out of the bed laughing at him, but the words made it very graphically clear what he wanted and so Lex humored him. The resultant reaction was immediate, intense, and again Lex nearly found the floor when the body beneath him jerked up off the bed. Clark's voice rose, faded, and as he settled back with a little moan, Lex took advantage of him again. This time he slaked his own desires, molding Clark's body around his own; possessing it inside and out. The begging had turned him on much more than he anticipated and as a wave pleasure finally coursed through his own body, he made a mental note to try that tactic another time.  
  
With a sigh, he eventually curled up in the circle of Clark's arms, basking in his warmth, and listening to him breathe; and he could tell when Clark finally fell asleep by the rhythm of his breathing. Not wanting to lose the moment, Lex fought to stay awake himself, but gradually he found his resistance waning and he slipped into unconsciousness before he realized it. He did not dream, and did not acknowledge he slept until the body next to his shifted suddenly and he heard Clark's voice cry out. It jolted him into full awareness immediately.  
  
Lex's first thought was that his father had burst in on them again, and thanked God when he realized it was not the case. Instead he looked up to see Clark sitting straight up beside him. The expression on his face was nothing short of horrified, tears dampened his cheeks as he stared into the room and his body began to shake with sudden chills. Lex found this alarming, as Clark was never cold.   
  
"What is it?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Clark?"  
  
"I have to go."   
  
Lex made a grab for him as he exited the bed, but missed. "Was it another nightmare?"  
  
Almost frantically, Clark searched for his clothes, dragging them into a chair with him and jerking them onto his body. "No...yes..." He paused, obviously forced himself to calm down, and resumed getting dressed with a bit less intensity. "I'm fine."  
  
"You're not fine if you wake up screaming." Lex said softly. "I know that from personal experience."  
  
Clark looked up at him.   
  
The silent communication between them made Lex's heart ache. Clark was going through some inner turmoil that was eating him alive, and he wanted nothing more than to talk to Lex about it and exercise the demons.   
  
But...  
  
He didn't understand enough about what his mind was doing to him to have anything to talk about. He didn't know why he was having nightmares about the scarecrow incident again and Lex already knew everything there was to know about it anyway. The results of this line of thinking showed clearly in his eyes; he was confused, and frightened. Lex saw it all within the brief moment their eyes met, reading the thoughts as surely as if they were spoken aloud.   
  
"I have to go." Clark repeated.  
  
Lex remained silent, and the next moment, Clark was gone.   
  
Alone, Lex sat up in bed, and after some time of silent contemplation, he reached for the phone. The tragic truth of the situation was the fact Lex did know everything about that cold night in October, perhaps more than Clark did; certainly more than Clark realized. If Clark could not, or would not, talk about it and thus purge himself of the nightmares; another solution had to be found. First, however, Lex needed to confirm some of his darker suspicions.  
  
Lex's call was answered on the third ring.  
  
"Roger. I have a job for you. I need to know where I can find one Jeremy Creek."  
  
*********************  
  
Jeremy was institutionalized in a home just outside of Metropolis, supposedly for rehabilitation and counseling. Basically no one wanted him. He wasn't quite bad enough to be locked up in jail, and he wasn't crazy enough to be put in the mental hospital; yet his family wanted nothing to do with him. He had been placed in rehab. A prisoner, but not a prisoner.   
  
Going to see him was one of the most difficult tasks Lex had ever had to do in his life.   
  
The accident began the bond between himself and Clark, and that night in the cornfield sealed it. Clark wasn't the only one who had bad memories surrounding the incident, because Lex remembered very well the homecoming when Jeremy had been the scarecrow. In his lifetime Lex had experienced many traumas, but the ones he held at the top of the list of horrifying events were; the loss of his mother, the loss of Ryan, and the loss of his hair. It wasn't even the hair really anyway, but rather the scars the blast had left upon his soul when it stripped him to his basest self and left him exposed and vulnerable. He'd never been more afraid in his life. Yet Lex had come back to himself realizing he had been reborn, and he would not be the sniveling, simpering brat he had been before. He would not be his father's trophy kid - his pawn - and he would take himself much, much further than Lionel would ever dream of going. His scars made him tough, and his rebirth made him patient.   
  
He would never forget that day when the sky fell and his world turned upside down; and the sight of Jeremy Creek tied to the cross had been permanently seared into his mind. Jeremy reminded him of his fear, and Lex Luthor did not like being afraid. Dredging up that fear and going to see Jeremy was yet another sacrifice he found himself willing to make for Clark. Clark might not ever come to appreciate it, but Lex felt he had to do it regardless.  
  
Jeremy was in his room; a bare bones chamber with nothing more than a desk, a dresser, one chair and a bed. He sat in the chair with a book in his hands and did not notice the presence of his visitor. Lex paused, gathering himself, and then cleared his throat.   
  
Jeremy looked up.   
  
And all the images Lex remembered shot vividly through his mind when he looked into the watery blue eyes: the sight of the cross rising up out of the corn into the blue sky, the pain in Jeremy's face, and the nightmarish monster that was the meteor blast coming straight for them....  
  
Lex swallowed heavily. Damnit. His hands were shaking.   
  
He also remembered what he heard. He recalled Jeremy's plea for help, and the whine of the meteor as it streaked across the sky. He heard his father's voice calling his name and how it had been snuffed by the roaring of the shockwave that blasted Lex off his feet and pounded him into the ground.   
  
He heard Clark's pleas for help twelve years later.  
  
Fuck. I have to do this.  
  
"I know you." Jeremy said quietly.   
  
Lex inclined his head. "You do, although I don't believe we've been formally introduced - Lex Luthor."   
  
There was no reaction. Jeremy continued to stare at him, which made Lex even more uneasy. Finally he gestured towards the desk chair, inviting Lex to sit.   
  
"I'd prefer to stand if you don't mind."   
  
Standing made Lex feel like he was in charge of the situation, not that he felt he was at the moment, and allowed him to bolt out the door if he needed to do so. He remained standing, and crossed his arms over his chest; leaning on the dresser. The stance also hid his hands, which were not at all steady.  
  
Jeremy's voice was cold, and uninflected. "Suit yourself." he said. "What do you want with me?"  
  
"I want to ask you some questions, about what happened last October."  
  
The blue eyes narrowed. "I've already talked to the police, and the press. I told them all I can remember, which isn't much."  
  
Lex allowed himself a little smile. "On the contrary. I spoke with your doctor just this morning. It seems your memory has been improving over the last few months. I think you remember much more than what you told the police."  
  
There was silence, during which Lex wondered if he would be asked to leave, and he planned an appropriate response just in case. It turned out to be unnecessary.  
  
"What makes you think I'd tell you anything more?"  
  
"Because I don't give a rats ass about you, or what you did. I simply want to know what you saw." When Jeremy didn't respond, Lex continued. "A friend of mine ended up on that cross that night. I want to know what exactly happened, and who was behind it."  
  
"You a cop?"  
  
"No, just a concerned friend." Lex reached into his pocket and withdrew a folded computer printout. It was scanned copy of a photograph from the Smallville High School yearbook showing the upperclassmen on the football team. "Do you recognize any of these kids?"  
  
Lex was finally relieved of the unnerving stare when Jeremy turned his eyes down to look at the photograph, but he moved a bit closer in order to see which jocks Jeremy would implicate. It took less time than he'd anticipated.  
  
Jeremy immediately pointed to four of the football players: Jacob Harrigan, Paul Lewis, Brent Smith, and Whitney Fordman.   
  
"Them. I saw them throw the Kent kid in the back of a truck. I knew what was going on, so I followed."   
  
"What happened?"   
  
Jeremy told him.   
  
The four had taken Clark out to the field near the fertilizer plant, traditionally the place where the scarecrow was hung every year, and Jeremy had quietly followed them. When he arrived there was an argument going on between Whitney and Jake, apparently regarding some second thoughts on Whitney's part. Something wasn't right. They hadn't roughed Clark up that much and yet he was completely out cold and obviously ill. The others proposed to Whitney that Clark was faking, which he accepted somewhat reluctantly, and then it was discovered Brent had forgotten the rope. He had left it in his car back at the high school. He and Whitney drove off to get it, leaving Jake and Paul alone with Clark.   
  
Lex really didn't want to know, but he asked anyway.   
  
"Then what happened."   
  
The answer was matter of fact.   
  
"They raped him."  
  
Closing his eyes, Lex felt the bile rise in his throat. It was the answer he'd been afraid to hear.   
  
Oh God, Clark....  
  
"I was spared that at least." Jeremy continued quietly.   
  
It took Lex a while before he could talk. His heart ached, and he could feel his eyes burning, but he had much experience with burying his emotions, and he swallowed them down out of the way.   
  
No wonder this latest encounter triggered the nightmares again. Being beaten up by a gang of jocks and having that bastard Wade's fist shoved into his chest - a different kind of rape but rape all the same - must have been hell for Clark. Top it off with the fact that he was trying to save Whitney - who had initiated the scarecrow incident in the first place- and mix in his current affair with Lex; Clark had to be an emotional basket case right about now.   
  
"Was he conscious?" Lex whispered, and begged for the answer to be "no."  
  
"Not at first, but I think he may have realized what was happening towards the end. It was hard to tell. He wasn't in a position to fight them off. He was sick, the Fordman kid was right about that." Jeremy shrugged. "They were done with him when the other two came back. They strung him up and left. He came around a bit, spoke to me, and I figured he'd be all right. I'd go about my business and send someone out to get him later."   
  
The dam burst, and Lex's grief suddenly turned into rage. "Why didn't you stop them?" he demanded.  
  
"If I'd been allowed to go on with my plan, they'd all be dead anyway."   
  
Lex wanted to strangle him, the fucker. He could have stopped it. He was there, but he didn't lift a finger to help Clark and in addition left the kid hanging out there while he went on with his warped crusade of vengeance. If anyone deserved vengeance it was Clark. Jeremy had not been ill. Lex had seen him. He stood on a platform, simply tied up and humiliated. Clark had been beaten, molested, and crucified. He'd been hanging with all his weight on his arms, half unconscious and sick. He would have been dead by the time the jocks came back to untie him; suffocated as his lungs collapsed - another tragic news story. Another sad statistic.  
  
Jeremy handed back the picture. "Is that what you wanted to know?" His eyes were sharp, and cold, and very very blue.   
  
Like the October sky.   
  
Without a word, Lex snatched the picture back, turned on his heel, and stalked out of the room.   
  
His long black coat tails flared behind him like the dark wings of an avenging angel.  
  
************************  
  
Lex was rather pleased to see Chloe back to her normal self, and actually spared her a smile as she and Clark came into the Beanery together. He asked them to join him with the excuse of rescheduling the interview the robbery had so rudely interrupted, and bought them coffee. He didn't look at Clark, but focused his attention on Chloe instead. He felt that if he had spared Clark a second look, he would have broken down. Jeremy's words still haunted him:  
  
"They raped him."   
  
He did, however, notice Clark's unusual silence and knew he must not be free of the nightmares. Lex hoped that would change soon. He prayed it did. He was not used to having feelings of empathy, it was not Lex's usual style, and watching Clark suffer was slowly eating away at him.   
  
I love you too much. Its killing me to see you like this.   
  
He realized Chloe was talking to him, and paid more attention.   
  
"We're waiting for Lana and Whitney. Lana won movie tickets over the radio. We're going to the Cineplex in about a half hour."   
  
"Lucky girl." Lex smiled. "So its a double date?"  
  
"Not really." Clark murmured, and his gaze drifted towards the window, distracted. He didn't see the faint flicker of hurt that crossed Chloe's face at his dismissal of her as his date. "Here comes Lana."   
  
They watched Lana cross the street, her long hair drifting in the breeze as she hurried out of the way of an oncoming car. She looked, as usual, pretty and ethereal and Lex did risk a glance at Clark in order to see the longing gaze directed at her elfin figure. Clark worshiped the ground Lana Lang walked upon, despite everything, and Lex simply did not understand it at all. It wasn't even a case of jealousy. Lex just simply did not understand the attraction. Lana was pretty, and she was intelligent to a point, but Clark deserved so much more than such a flighty and fickle girl as Lana Lang.  
  
The bell on the door jingled, and Lana was greeted by some of her other friends as she came inside. Lex watched her thread her way back to their table, and noted the rather grim expression on her face. He also noted the absence of her quarterback boyfriend.   
  
"Did you guys hear what happened?" She asked, before any of them could comment. "There was an accident last night, out by the plant."  
  
Lex raised his eyebrows. "My plant?"  
  
Lana nodded, and eased into the empty chair beside him.   
  
"A couple of Whitney's teammates were killed and Whitney has gathered the rest of the team for a memorial at the school. He can't make the movies with us."   
  
Chloe immediately started to fumble for her bag. "Oh my God. I should go too, this will be a big story and I should be there to cover it." Her face fell into a frown "I'm sorry Clark."   
  
He merely shrugged. "The Torch always comes first." He did, however, give her an understanding smile.   
  
Chloe returned it, and paused to ask Lana: "Who was it, by the way? Anyone we know?"  
  
"Jake Harrigan and Paul Lewis."   
  
"Whoa! Were they drunk?"  
  
"I don't know. The police are still investigating, but they did say the car was traveling way over the speed limit. It ended up out in the field across the road from the plant Lex, I'm surprised you haven't already heard about it." Lana looked over to Lex inquiringly.  
  
He shrugged. "They don't always tell me everything that happens out there." he said quietly.  
  
He raised his cup, and looked over its edge at Clark as he drank.  
  
Their eyes met.   
  
Two hours later it would not be Lana who held Clark in her arms as he choked out the whole story of homecoming night in a flood of hysterical tears; and wallowed in guilt at feeling nothing over the deaths of his molesters.   
  
Nor was it Lana who lay beside him when he slept without dreams for the first time in weeks.  
  
************************  
  
It had been after midnight, somewhere between one and two a.m., when Lex, sitting in the Jaguar in the driveway of the fertilizer plant, heard the sound of a car approaching. It was actually two cars, running side by side, at a speed well over eighty. Lex had gotten out of his car to watch them come roaring towards him through the darkness, and he'd followed their progress until - just yards before they reached the intersection of the driveway where Lex stood - one car swerved abruptly. It was the car closest to Lex, and its right front fender just tapped the side of the bright yellow mustang beside it. Immediately the driver of the mustang lost control, and the car shot up into the air as it lost its grip on the road; spinning out into the field beyond.   
  
Lex had shuddered, thinking of Ryan, but he kept his eyes on the car.   
  
It rolled several times into the field, which was illuminated by the headlights from Lex's Jaguar parked directly opposite. He watched, impassive, as it slammed into the one thing standing in that field at this time of the year....  
  
The cross of the scarecrow.   
  
The cross had tilted sideways when the car hit it, but remained standing as the mustang sat at its base hissing steam into the cool night air.   
  
The first car, a sleek black Mercedes, turned around and had returned to the scene. It stopped beside Lex and the window rolled down to reveal a bearded man who's acne scarred face was as hard and cold as the steel hood of his vehicle.   
  
"Do you want me to make sure?"   
  
Lex had put his hands in his pockets, his eyes still on the wreckage of the yellow mustang, and he'd shaken his head. "I'll do it."   
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. Thank you."   
  
The man nodded, rolled up the window, and the Merc slipped silently back into the darkness. The dent, and the bright streak of yellow paint on its front fender would be gone by sunrise.   
  
Lex stood alone in the dark staring at the cross. His eyes, and his heart, were cold.  
  
Twenty minutes later he was at home in the shower....   
  
....while a bonfire consumed both the wooden cross and the crumpled mass of metal that lay at its base.  
  
You didn't fuck with what belonged to Lex Luthor. 


	6. The Narrow Bridge

No one had ever made him feel this way - warm, malleable like clay and molded into all and everything within his lover's embrace. He luxuriated in the sensations of lips caressing his mouth, and the intermingling of breath like an exchange of souls. He bared his throat to kisses - submissive - reveling in the thrill of that unknown. When was he ever submissive other than beneath this mouth and within these arms?  
  
I want to be part of you. I want our bodies to melt together and there to be no distinguishing between us. We are two halves of one whole, and I need to be whole again.   
  
He groaned, shifting beneath the body above him and pulling it down closer to his own. His hands moved over it as a blind man would "see" a sculpture; and truly it was a work of art. It was strong and lean like a race-fit thoroughbred, and yet as delicately wrought as a dragonfly wing; with skin like silk and a dancers grace. Tightly wound muscles bunched and trembled with pent up desire longing for release - fueled by the inexperience of youth. It was beautiful, and it was dangerous, and it belonged to him.   
  
Don't hold back. I want you. I need you.   
  
I love you.   
  
That first night, after the very first "session" Lex had posed the question:   
  
"Why did you agree to this? I know you aren't gay Clark. If you were, you wouldn't be pining after Lana, you'd be moping over the quarterback."  
  
The answer had been quietly returned. It was the truth, but only part of the truth.  
  
"You wanted it. I needed it."  
  
Lex threw it back at him.   
  
"That's bullshit Clark, and we both know it. I know there are "loose" girls who would be more than willing to show you a good time, and you aren't stupid. If you really wanted to get laid you could have just about anyone you wanted - and I never got the impression our friendship was enough for you to let me fuck you. So you tell me - why this, why me?"   
  
They lay together, side by side, with their faces close upon the pillow. The sadness in the grey eyes had driven away Lex's frustration, and he'd reached out a hand to caress Clark's cheek. He could not look away from those eyes, and could not speak for some time.  
  
"What is it?" he'd whispered finally. "What did this to you?"  
  
"I was afraid."  
  
It had not been the answer Lex expected.   
  
"Afraid of what?"  
  
Clark had sighed, and in his expression Lex could see he chose his words carefully. His voice trembled, and he seemed on the verge of tears although the grey eyes remained dry.   
  
"That I would be - different - that I would hurt them - girls. You're stronger and - God, Lex - you're male. You know what's normal."   
  
Lex had almost laughed, but the look on Clark's face squelched any humor he might have felt.   
  
Normal? Why Clark might have thought he wasn't normal, he would not disclose - even after Lex assured him in both words and actions everything was in perfect working order. As for his fear that he would hurt someone....  
  
Sometimes there was a fine line between pleasure and pain.  
  
Clark did hurt Lex on occasion. In the heat of passion he sometimes forgot to hold back, and as he let go and his physical needs plunged his mind into an unthinking haze of blind instinct; Lex sometimes had to give him a reminder. It was not often, however, that a reminder was necessary. Lex was not a weakling by any means; despite the opinions of many of his acquaintances. He was extremely fit and strong, and it soon became a game with him to see how much he could take from Clark.   
  
He'd discovered he could take quite a bit, and that sometimes the pain only heightened the pleasure.   
  
Like now.  
  
He tore his mouth from Clark's, flickering his tongue over the full lips as they parted and thus prolonging the kiss, but was forced to throw back his head as his body arced against the pain. It was done in silence. He would not utter a sound. Silence was part of the game.   
  
I want more.   
  
He moved his body; sending the message without speaking the words. Clark obliged, and Lex felt the shoulders beneath his hands unknotting as momentum increased. A hint of desperation began to creep into Clark's actions, and that desperation increased Lex's desire tenfold. He bit his lip, raised his head to meet his lover's kisses once again, and breathed a soft moan into Clark's mouth.   
  
"Thank God I'm flexible," was his last coherent thought before Clark did let go completely.   
  
God it hurt! It hurt like hell to be twisted up like a pretzel, forcibly invaded, and pounded to a pulp. He'd learned, however, to fight back - to ride the pain through with his own body. He moved in perfect synchronization, and showed no restraint when he dug his fingers deep into the flesh of Clark's shoulders and locked his legs around Clark's body to pull it tight against his own. He felt as if their bones were grinding together and surely must either fuse or shatter under the strain. The pain grew, spreading to every muscle and every nerve until Lex felt as if he would scream and when a hand slipped down his belly and touched him - just so - the pain exploded into ecstasy.   
  
A cry escaped his throat at last, and he found himself mindlessly accepting the continued assault with no heed at all to the pain. Only a moment later - with one last violent surge - everything came to an end.   
  
It was a slow drift back down for both of them.   
  
***********  
  
The very first time Clark had allowed his control to slip, Lex had encouraged it. Lex had paid for it the next morning when he woke bruised and hardly able to move, and henceforth did not encourage it very often. He still woke up feeling as if he'd been run over by a truck the day after such a romp, but the results were that over time Lex came to fully understand Clark's fears far, far better than he'd ever anticipated. It became glaringly obvious that Clark was never going to have a normal sex life.   
  
It wasn't that Clark couldn't fulfill a woman - he could be extremely gentle - Lex knew that side of him too. It wasn't that a woman couldn't fulfill Clark - he certainly wanted Lana Lang in a very bad way and had expressed interest in other pretty girls as well. What complicated matters was the fact he would never be able to relax in bed with a woman. The constant fear and the nagging worries would dog his every move. What if I lose control? What if I hurt her? Unless she had the strength of Xena, amazon princess, he probably would hurt her eventually. The only "safe" haven would be the arms of another man.   
  
Which was not what he wanted; and the only man who understood that was Lex.  
  
The "hows" and "whys" were always at the back of Lex's mind; although he had learned not to ask them. Why was Clark so strong? How had he gotten that way? There was also more than a little bit of fear on Lex's part as well. Even when Clark made love without inhibition, letting himself go, there was a definite feeling of something lurking beneath the surface. Lex could feel it beneath his hands in the rigid set of Clark's shoulders.   
  
What else was he hiding? Just exactly how strong was he?   
  
There was a Porche in one of Lex's garages with the roof ripped open that Lex was desperately trying to forget existed. There were several other incidents he kept pushing out of his mind in a frantic attempt not to figure out the mystery. Over the course of the last few weeks he'd decided he didn't want to know the answers. Nothing mattered to him anymore beyond keeping Clark close to him, something which frightened him as much as it thrilled him, and he felt the answers to Clark's mysteries might very well drive them apart.   
  
At this point in time, neither Clark nor Lex were emotionally stable enough to handle life alone. Lex knew how it would go for himself - a downward spiral towards self destruction. It would kill him. Now that Lex knew Clark better he understood the fragility within him as well - the kid walked a very thin line between sanity and madness. He was barely coping.   
  
Why?   
  
Lex was not sure he wanted to know.   
  
I've become too attached to him. God. Why did I let that happen?  
  
I killed for him.   
  
Fuck.   
  
He pulled the Ferarri into his usual parking place behind the Beanery and turned off the engine; sitting in the drivers seat and staring into the brick wall in front of him. Every misgiving he'd ever had regarding the "affair" with Clark came rushing up to slap him in the face. His father would disown him and he'd very likely not only be disgraced and humiliated but arrested as well if it ever became public. Jonathan Kent would try to kill him. Even if none of that occurred there could never be a future in it. Lex had no idea how long he'd be in Smallville. Clark would be going to college soon. Lex was expected to marry a bubble headed socialite and raise an heir to the throne of LuthorCorp. Clark was most likely destined to.....  
  
To what?   
  
He recalled a conversation held in this very alley.   
  
"This may not be what you want Clark."  
  
"It may be all I ever have."  
  
A quiet tap on the car window jolted Lex out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Chloe Sullivan standing next to the car with a hesitant smile on her face. She would do well to be hesitant, as Lex's first instinct was to be irritated at the interruption. A split second later he decided he was glad of the interruption, and returned her smile as he got out of the car.   
  
"Hello Chloe."  
  
"Hello. Hey I'm sorry to startle you. You just looked - well - like you needed it." She laughed. "Lame excuse I know but...."  
  
"No, as usual your journalistic instincts are correct. I was thinking a little bit too deeply. I'm glad you came along." Lex held the door for her (chivalry was alive and well in European boarding schools) as they entered the Beanery. The rich scents of coffee beans and steamed milk assaulted them immediately. Lex guided Chloe to a table and nodded at a nearby waitress.   
  
"Glad to be of service."   
  
"Your usual?"  
  
She laughed. "You'll spend that fortune of yours buying us coffee, but yeah, sure."  
  
The waitress took their order and Lex sat back in his chair; rolling his shoulders in an effort to crack his back. He was as sore as hell. He debated whether or not he should schedule an appointment with his chiropractor but dismissed it after the idea of explaining just what had thrown his spine out of alignment gave him second thoughts. Exactly what would one call that position?  
  
"Have you seen Clark today?"   
  
"Yeah, I saw him in school, why?"  
  
Lex groaned inwardly. Thanks Chloe for reminding me that I'm fucking around with a high school kid. This encounter was not going well. Served him right though. He did ask.   
  
Only because I can't get enough of him.   
  
"Just curious. You two seem rather joined at the hip lately." he smiled lazily. "Something going on I should know about?" He accepted his coffee from the waitress and when he leaned forward again over the table he felt his back pop.   
  
Better.   
  
Chloe laughed, but there was a tinge of sadness in it that was mirrored in her blue eyes. "I hardly think so, if you are implying that we're a couple. Clark spends entirely too much time mooning over Lana." She hesitated and gave him a very frank stare. "I've noticed you've sort of stopped playing matchmaker lately."  
  
"I'm having second thoughts about whether Lana is the right girl for him."  
  
"Now that you've gotten to know the pom pom girl better?"  
  
"Now that I've gotten to know Clark better."  
  
Lowering her eyes, Chloe looked into her mug; and suddenly she seemed much older than seventeen. "Congratulations."  
  
Lex knitted his brows, puzzled. "For what?"  
  
She looked up again. "If you've gotten into Clark's head far enough to know what kind of girl is best for him, that's more than I can say and I've known him much longer."  
  
Green eyes met blue.   
  
"Are you waiting for me to say its you, Chloe?" Lex asked softly. "I know you're in love with him."  
  
"We're just friends Lex, nothing more."  
  
He said nothing.   
  
She chuckled, but he saw the tears. "Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do if you mistake friendship for love."  
  
"I see how you look at him Chloe." he responded. "When you think no one is looking. I see how you perk up every time he walks in the room, and the hurt in your eyes when he talks about Lana....I'm not blind."   
  
"Neither am I." she said abruptly.   
  
Lex grew very still, and his eyes never left hers.   
  
"Leave him alone Lex."  
  
I can't.  
  
"Are you threatening me Chloe?" he asked quietly.   
  
It was a question he'd asked of people before. Most of those people had very quietly disappeared later when the question had been answered, in deed, as "yes."  
  
"I'm asking you." she replied. "Regardless of whatever else I may feel for him, he's still my friend. I don't want him to get hurt. Don't think you can waltz in here and sweet talk yourself into anything and anyone you want, especially Clark."  
  
You don't realize how far into Clark I've already been Chloe, Lex thought rather viciously.  
  
"Clark is a friend, Chloe, and last thing I would ever dream of is to see him get hurt. Perhaps you're the one misinterpreting things here. No, I don't think you're the right girl for him, but I'd much rather see him with you than Lana. If anyone is hurting him its her." He softened his tone. "We're on the same side here. Okay?"  
  
He could see in her eyes she didn't believe him, and that was fine. She could believe what she wanted. She knew nothing.   
  
But if she did find out the truth.....  
  
She could be far more dangerous than Lionel.   
  
For the second time that day Lex started doubting the prudence of continuing his relationship with Clark despite the knowledge they would both be miserable. In the long run was it going to be the best thing for either of them? Lex was rather surprised to find he actually cared. He'd once been willing to give up everything - his money, his status, his self - for Ryan. Did he love Clark to do what was best for him - by giving him up?  
  
"Just - don't play games with him Lex." Chloe said finally, and she stood, no longer smiling. "I have to go. Thanks for the coffee."   
  
He sighed as he watched her go, then checked his watch. It was almost time for him to attend his meeting with the town's building inspector across the street at the Talon.  
  
The man had better not present Lex with any bad news.   
  
He might regret it.  
  
************************  
  
Lex avoided Clark for two weeks. One of those weeks he was simply busy at the fertilizer plant, getting things in shape for the EPA inspectors. The second found him out of town on a spur of the moment trip to Cancun where he met a woman and spent four solid days in her bed - both of them totally drunk out of their skulls. Neither of them used their real names and would never see each other again. Lex did not want to think about his father, Smallville, or Clark; or anything at all for that matter and four days of drinking and sex pretty much wiped it all out of his mind. When she left him finally he spent the next three days holed up in his hotel room still drinking and engaging in several bouts of crying which left him feeling sick and exhausted.   
  
He came to his senses while lying on the floor of the hotel bathroom mindlessly counting the different colored squares of tile that made up said floor. The tile was cool against his face, and smelled of lemons, but the scent of alcohol and vomit still lingered in the air. He'd just finished throwing his guts up, and his temples pounded with the beginnings of a migraine headache to rival having a bullet rip through his brain. Not, he thought stupidly, that I know what it feels like to be shot in the head.  
  
For a moment he considered trying it.   
  
Out in the room the phone starting ringing, making Lex wince as the sound stabbed through his head. It had been ringing on and off all day, and he had ignored it, but now his alcohol induced numbness was wearing off and the ringing was making his head hurt even worse. It kept ringing as he dragged himself to his feet and stumbled out into the mess of his room to collapse on the bed.   
  
The room spun.  
  
Lex closed his eyes, and answered the phone. His "hello" was slurred and barely audible.  
  
The voice on the other end was fuzzy with static and extremely agitated.  
  
"Where the fuck have you been?"  
  
"Hell." Lex replied promptly. "How did you find me?"  
  
The question was ignored.  
  
"When are you coming home?"   
  
"Maybe never. How did you find me?"  
  
"You're drunk."  
  
"No. I'm hung over. I've been drunk but I'm not now. How did you find me?"  
  
No answer.  
  
Lex slammed the receiver back down into the cradle. He counted, and got to seven before the phone rang again.   
  
"I threatened Hannah." the voice stated immediately.  
  
Stupid bitch.   
  
"What do you want Clark?"  
  
"I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you."  
  
"Two "fucks" in one conversation Clark, does your mommy know you use that word?"  
  
He's either going to get really pissed, or cry, Lex thought.  
  
It took a moment for Clark to answer, but as usual he surprised Lex by choosing neither option.   
  
"I miss you." he said quietly. "Come home." - and he hung up.  
  
Lex lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He heard Clark's voice repeating "come home, come home" in his mind. It pulsed there with every heartbeat and the throbbing of his headache.   
  
I want to go home.   
  
To Smallville.   
  
To him.   
  
And oddly, it wasn't Clark he thought of this time when he started to cry.   
  
He thought of Chloe, and the pain in her eyes as - like Lex - she looked at Clark and loved him in secret with a heart aching as if it would burst. He thought of Chloe because he knew she was right, and when all of it came to a screeching halt - Clark was going to get hurt.   
  
But Lex could not give him up. It would kill them both.   
  
No win situation.   
  
Such was the life of the damned.  
  
Lex Luthor's personal hell....  
  
His own heart. 


	7. Sacrifice and Destiny

Lex was home less than three hours before Clark appeared. How he'd known Lex was home was a mystery, but somehow it came as no surprise. Lex had been expecting it, and he was waiting in the den while he went through his mail and messages, gearing up for the confrontation. Apparently Clark wasn't the only one wondering where the hell Lex had been for the past week either - there were several messages from Lionel.   
  
None of them expressed concern.  
  
He ran his hands over his face, rubbing at eyes swollen from long hours of wakefulness and over indulgences of alcohol and self pity; and actually considered getting up and fixing himself a drink. He pushed that idea aside. He had his days, but he refused to turn himself into an alcoholic. Besides, it would not only upset Clark but lately Lex had been uncharacteristically weepy under its influence and the last thing he wanted to do was have a repeat of the previous weeks meltdown. Not here and especially not in front of Clark.   
  
A soft sound made him look up to see a shadow standing in the doorway and he watched silently as Clark shut the door.   
  
Something about him looked different, perhaps because of the dark clothing he wore: a dark blue, nearly black sweater. He looked older. The set of his mouth and the expression in his eyes belonged to a man much older than sixteen and his movements were of someone much more confident than the Clark Lex knew. He came into the room and stood before Lex very much like a parent about to demand an explanation as to why their child was out past curfew. For some reason, that resemblance suddenly put Lex in a bad mood.   
  
"What's going on?."  
  
Lex didn't look at him, but continued leafing through his mail. "Good morning Lex, welcome home. Did you have a nice trip?" He paused, and did roll one eye up towards his visitor. "Aren't you cutting class?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm honored." Lex said quietly, and pretended to be highly interested in the letter he'd just opened. He could sense Clark seething.   
  
"You blow me off for two weeks and now you're copping attitude. What did I do?"  
  
"Why do you always assume its something you did Clark? That's a little self righteous don't you think?" Lex regarded him with a cool stare. "You always feel the need to take on other people's problems. Don't you have enough of your own?"  
  
"I just try to help."  
  
"Help yourself! Let other people deal with their own baggage."  
  
"I can't do that." He said softly; as always, quiet strength against Lex's raging.   
  
"Why?" When there was no immediate answer, Lex flung down the mail in his hands and stood up. "So is that how you define our relationship? You're "helping" me? I'm just one of your projects?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Oh, so then you're using me? I need a pat on the head and a good fuck, I'll just call Lex. Is that it?"  
  
Lex knew, or at least suspected, that backing Clark Kent into a corner was not necessarily a good idea. Clark had a very slow burning temper very unlike Lex. Lex's temper tended to simmer near boiling point at all times, occasionally erupting into violent outbursts, but usually carefully controlled. Clark's was deeply buried, like the the hot core of the planet itself; but also like the planet upon which they stood, if a crack in his shielding reached deep enough, he could erupt quite violently.  
  
Sam Phalen had almost lost his life backing Clark into a corner. In the end, you could say he did anyway, just not at Clark's own hands.  
  
Lex just needed to mean something to someone. The days long "one night stand" in Cancun and the coldness of his father's "where are you?" messages had made him feel worthless and stupid. He didn't know what he wanted or needed Clark to say. He certainly didn't expect him to blurt out "I love you" in any way shape or form because he knew Clark did not feel that way about him. He just needed to know he meant - something - to someone. Even if that something was an irritating asshole. So he pushed. He pushed Clark into a corner and got himself in trouble.   
  
"Everything is black and white to you isn't it? All or nothing. Why does everything have to be defined and analyzed - laid out on a spreadsheet?"  
  
"Don't turn this back around on me Clark..."   
  
Clark took a step forward, and his eyes glinted dangerously. "Why not? You started it. Life isn't business Lex. Maybe our relationship started out as sort of a business proposition, but its gone way beyond that now and you can't keep looking for loopholes. There is no contract to follow. Nothing is cut and dried. You can't analyze the ups and downs like you would a stock market report. Stop acting like we're negotiating a merger. Stop acting like your father."  
  
Everything seemed to grind to a halt, and sheer blind fury overwhelmed Lex's senses in a cold white blanket of ice. Nothing - nothing - infuriated him more than being compared to Lionel Luthor.  
  
His tone of voice would have frozen the fires of Hell.  
  
"Get out."   
  
"I'm not finished." Clark replied, and his voice was clipped and just as cold.   
  
"You are as far as I'm concerned." Lex turned and walked away from him, crossing the room to his desk; still mindlessly lost in a haze of anger. He was not his father.   
  
Clark did not budge.   
  
"What ever happened to not following life with a road map?"  
  
"Damn you, get out!"  
  
"You're always preaching at me Lex. What's the matter?" He threw Lex's own words back at him. "You can dish it out but you can't take it?"  
  
"Get out of my house!"  
  
Click.  
  
Lex was rather surprised at the fact both his hand and his voice were steady, but he wondered if he pulled the trigger whether he would actually hit his target.   
  
"I am not my father."  
  
Neither of them moved, nor spoke. Clark regarded the gun without expression. His eyes, focused upon Lex's face, were calm. It seemed not to bother him in the slightest that Lex was not only asking him to leave, but forcing him to do so at gunpoint.   
  
"I know you aren't Lex." he said finally. "So why are you acting like this?"  
  
It was a question Lex was asking himself.   
  
I'm scared.  
  
I'm starting to care too much.   
  
"Talk to me." Clark said softly. "Because I'm not leaving. You can threaten me with that," he inclined his head towards the gun. "All you want."  
  
They stared stubbornly at each other for several heartbeats before Lex slowly lowered his hand, and gently eased the hammer of the gun back down into place. Now he shook, and leaned upon the desk as if without its support he would fall. All the fears and worries regarding their relationship flooded into him as the dam burst.  
  
"This is only going to end badly Clark." he said softly. "The further we go the worse its going to be, and its completely out of my control. As much as I hate him - as much as I have fought so long not to be like him, I am my father's son. I don't want to follow a road map. I don't want to walk along a predestined path. I want to make my own path - because life IS like business Clark, and I want to be the one in charge of it." He drew a long trembling breath, and looked up into the grey eyes watching his every move. "I'm not in control of anything right now, especially what's going to happen to us and I can't handle it."  
  
Clark said nothing, but the set to his mouth was still tight, and his eyes were unreadable. Lex watched him as he crossed the room that separated them until he came around the side of the desk and they stood face to face. Only then did he speak and his voice was ominously low.  
  
"Is that it?"   
  
Lex did not respond.   
  
Clark moved quickly, before Lex could react, and grabbed the hand still holding the gun. His other hand caught Lex's right arm, and held him in a grip similar to being bound in iron shackles; Lex could not break loose. He tried nothing at first, but as Clark's thumb pulled back the hammer on the pistol, his body went rigid. He tried then to let go of the gun, but Clark's hand was bigger than his, and held his fingers tightly around the weapon as it rose toward their faces. The gun was first between them, and then it was pressed tightly beneath Clark's chin with Lex's finger on the trigger.   
  
"You want control?" he said quietly. "Pull the trigger. Then turn it on yourself. You decide the ending."  
  
Lex could feel his pulse beating wildly in his temples, and through the contact he had - as it vibrated through the gun and into his hand - he could feel the slow and steady rhythm of Clark's heart as well. Clark was right, the ending was in his hands. He had spent the last week asking himself if he loved Clark enough to let him go and had come to the realization even that scenario would not save them both from destruction. This option - the one Clark gave him now, was the only way Lex could see of breaking the vicious circle in which they'd found themselves trapped.  
  
"No pain."  
  
"No pain." Clark whispered.   
  
"No heartache."   
  
"Take your own path."  
  
"Clark...."  
  
I love you.  
  
Lex pulled the trigger.....  
  
And staggered backwards gasping as Clark went down to his knees and the gun fell to the floor from fingers gone numb. Lex grasped his stomach with one hand and braced himself on the back of the chair with the other. His body shook, and his eyes and mouth were wide.   
  
What had he done! Oh God!  
  
"Clark...."  
  
"I didn't think you'd do it."   
  
"Son of a bitch!" Lex raged, gasping."Fuck! You knew it was empty!"   
  
Clark settled down on his haunches and stared at him incredulously. "You pulled the trigger."  
  
Lex's voice cracked. "Jesus Clark...."  
  
The only sound that followed was the sound of their breathing.   
  
It was Clark who recovered first, and his voice was barely above a breath as he looked into Lex's eyes and read their unspoken words.   
  
"You love me that much?"  
  
Leaving the question unanswered; Lex closed his eyes and swallowed heavily. "When did you unload the gun?"  
  
"A long time ago. I was afraid you would use it on yourself."  
  
Ah, God. He'd thought about it on several occasions.   
  
He lowered his voice upon the next question.  
  
"Would you have done the same thing Clark, if it had been loaded?"   
  
There was a long pause.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Lex opened his eyes to find Clark still looking at him. He searched the grey eyes for any sign of deception and found none.   
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're free to chose your path Lex." Clark whispered. "Mine is set before me and I have no choice but to travel it. Just now - you had the chance to take your destiny in your hands and make it into what you wanted it to be. I had the chance to escape mine."  
  
"We all have choices."  
  
"I don't."  
  
If I love him enough to kill him, Lex thought, I have to love him enough to accept that answer without questions.  
  
Clarks voice continued to be soft. "I'm not going to leave you Lex. I can't."  
  
Their eyes were still locked.   
  
"You are part of my path."  
  
Lex went to him, standing over him as a king would upon knighting a vassal. Clark still sat upon his knees on the floor, and he raised his head as Lex bent over him. Lex whispered the words into his mouth, and the intermingling of their breath was as an oath - a bond - between them.  
  
"Yes." he said, his kiss feather light. "I love you that much."   
  
************************  
  
"I don't want anything to hurt you." Lex whispered. "Least of all, anything to do with me. I don't want to be the cause of your pain Clark."  
  
"I'm a big boy Lex. If I get hurt, its my own responsibility."  
  
"I just don't see how this could end positively."  
  
They lay, spoon fashioned, in Lex's big bed following a rather desperate round of lovemaking. Clark was curled around him like a cloak and their hands and legs were intertwined as they both sought comfort in the closeness of their bodies. It was later in the afternoon. Clark would have to be leaving soon to face the music from his parents. It was inevitable they would find out he'd played hooky from school.  
  
"What are you going to tell your parents when they discover you weren't in school today?" Lex had asked earlier.   
  
And Clark, who had been rather distracted by what Lex was doing to him at the time, answered: "That I spent the day with you."  
  
"Great, that will go over well."  
  
"Especially when I tell them - ah - what we were doing." Clark had pulled him down for a kiss. "Sex Ed one oh one." he murmured breathlessly. "And I don't think I quite understood that last move. You'll have to show me again."  
  
"You are a smart ass." Lex replied, but he'd happily repeated the lesson as requested.  
  
Clark sighed, and pressed his cheek close upon Lex's shoulder. His breath was warm against the skin there and Lex shuddered as it tickled his flesh into rising with goose pimples. The result was that Clark thought him cold, and hugged him tighter. No complaints there.  
  
"Why do you keep on about "the end" when its only beginning?"  
  
"Are you really that naive Clark? I always thought it was an act. My father knows. I know he didn't believe all my bullshit about that little incident. He knows about Ryan too, thanks to Victoria's big mouth, and he won't hesitate to add two and two together. Now this thing with Chloe...."  
  
Clark's body stiffened. "What?" He let go, and sat up on one elbow. "What thing with Chloe?"  
  
Lex glanced back over his shoulder. "Its nothing really. She doesn't know anything...."  
  
"Then what's going on?"  
  
"She just suspects me of having feelings for you outside of the realm of friendship." He sighed as Clark's expression of worry didn't change. "Relax. So what if she thinks I'm after your tail, as far as she knows that's all it is. She warned me off, I denied everything, its done."  
  
"She's very perceptive."  
  
Lex rolled over. He was getting a cramp in his neck trying to look backwards. "Clark, this is what I keep trying to tell you. Eventually someone is going to figure out what we're doing, and the results aren't going to be pretty."  
  
The look on Clark's face made it clear he finally understood exactly what had been plaguing Lex for the last several weeks. Reality had finally intruded on whatever little fantasy he'd dreamed up to rationalize his clandestine activities and it frightened him. It had been the idea of Chloe suspecting something that had finally woken him up. Lex could see that in his minds eye, Clark was visualizing the reactions of his friends, his family, and the outside world in general should they ever discover he'd been having a homosexual affair with Lex. He'd been okay with one night, but as he had told Lex earlier - things had gotten much more complicated.   
  
Lex sighed. He reached out and gave Clark's arm a tug, met resistance, and tried again. "Come here."   
  
Clark obeyed after a moment, allowing himself to be pulled in close. "I'm so stupid." he murmured.   
  
"I guess if you want to call being lonely and terribly needy, stupid, then I'm just as bad."   
  
"I've let you deal with this by yourself. That's not fair. I'm sorry." He buried his head against Lex's chest and Lex felt the dampness of tears.   
  
"Ah well," Lex replied, resting his chin on the top of Clark's head. "I am the adult here."  
  
The word was muffled by Lex's body:  
  
"Bullshit."  
  
And Lex had to laugh.   
  
"I've made such a mess of everything...."  
  
"Shut up Clark. I had the option of telling you to take a flying leap and I didn't." His hands were gentle as he caressed the broad shoulders. "Its just as much my fault as yours."  
  
Clark looked up; his long dark lashes glistened. "Maybe I shouldn't have unloaded the gun."  
  
Lex looked into his eyes, and sighed. "Clark, you just keep pulling me out of the shadows when I have my little panic attacks. You chase away my demons and keep me from engaging in idiotic behavior just as you've been doing and I promise you I'll handle the rest."  
  
"But if someone...."  
  
"They won't." Lex whispered.   
  
"But if they do?"  
  
"I'll handle it."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I told you once Clark, and I guess I need to keep reminding myself - I'm not going to let anything come between us. If we get into trouble with this - I'll take care of it..."  
  
Lex paused, seeing in his minds eye the burning wreckage of a yellow mustang...  
  
And the cold barrel of a gun.   
  
"In any way I have to."  
  
Because I love you that much.   
  
Contract signed.   
  
The price?  
  
One soul.  
  
Business is business. 


	8. Disintegration

*******************************************  
Author's note: So far I've tried to keep this running very closely to the show, sort of skirting the edges and between the lines. I decided if I continued to do that we'd get repetitive and boring. Thus I have finally figured out where we're going and from here on things are going to go askew from the show's storylines and we'll actually step in to a definitive alternate reality.  
*******************************************  
  
  
  
Clark's hands always amazed him, and considering the fact so many things about Clark were amazing and mysterious, he often wondered why that surprised him.   
  
They were long fingered and sensitive, supple and strong, and extraordinarily soft. That was what surprised him - that someone who obviously engaged in hard manual labor on a farm every day could have such soft hands. There were no calluses, no scars, and no ragged nails or cuticles. It was and odd analogy but as Clark ran his hands over his body, Lex was put in mind the vision of a soft chamois cloth running over the hood of a Rolls Royce. When Lex was a child Lionel had owned a Rolls, and the chauffeur carried a chamois cloth in his back pocket to wipe off any fingerprints from the shining black car. Lex had asked to touch the cloth once, as it appeared to be so soft, and the texture of Clark's hands reminded him of that softness.   
  
Lex stretched, relaxing under the caresses like a cat gone limp under petting. If he'd been a cat he would have been purring as Clark's hands wandered over his face, his chest and his hips to finally brush over the inside of one thigh. A shiver ran up his spine.   
  
"You're getting too good at this." he breathed, his mouth close to Clark's ear.   
  
"I had a good teacher." was the answer, and any further commentary from Lex was ceased by the application of lips over his mouth.   
  
He broke away from the kisses a moment later when Clark made careful use of his fingers in a very sensitive location. "Oh God, I didn't teach you that!"   
  
"Nope. Figured that one out on my own."   
  
He repeated the action, and Lex moaned.   
  
"Fuck."  
  
"Eventually." Clark said quietly. "You taught me how to tease too."  
  
Lex arced his body up into the one holding him down. "Stop fooling around...ah...shit."  
  
"Patience, patience."   
  
With a growl, his green eyes blazing with a combination of excitement and irritation, Lex made use of one of his own hands.   
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Clark, since when have you known me to be a patient man? Get busy, or get off."  
  
"Wouldn't getting off and getting busy be the same thing under the circumstances?"  
  
Lex stifled a laugh. "You know - you're pretty tough Clark, but not - right - here...."  
  
"Ow, damnit! All right, all right, just let go." He laughed, re-initiated the kissing, and did as he was told.   
  
A few minutes later they were both breathing rather heavily and Lex had to chuckle.   
  
"Brat."  
  
**********************  
  
Clark was asleep. Lex could tell by the rhythm of his breathing as they lay together in the early morning sunlight coming through the windows. The sunlight was warming the room, and only a corner of the sheet was draped across them as Clark lay sprawled on his back with Lex pressed to his side. He'd often lain with his head on Ryan's shoulder in a similar manner; watching him sleep and simply enjoying the fact they were together. Aside from the coloring, Clark was very like him. Lex watched him sleep and admired the way his long lashes brushed his cheeks, and how his hair curled around his face. He ran his hand over the lean ribs and felt the comforting beat of Clark's heart beneath them; and he thought of Ryan. Where would he be right now if Ryan had lived?  
  
He couldn't even imagine, at this point, being anywhere else with anyone else.   
  
He sighed, moved closer, and closed his eyes...  
  
Only to open them a moment later when a uncomfortable sensation crept over him. He had, suddenly, the distinct impression of someone watching him. No one should have been in the house, however, except the two of them. When Clark had called saying he'd contrived to get out of the house overnight, Lex had given the household staff leave to go home early and come in late the following day - today. He also knew, positively, that Lionel was in Europe.  
  
He rolled his eyes towards the open door, and saw, much to his horror, a woman standing there.   
  
She was back lit from the sun coming through the windows out in the hall so he could only see her outline and could not make out her features. Her hair was too long for it to be Chloe Sullivan, who he would not put past snooping around uninvited; and she was too short in stature to be Victoria who would probably find no problem with making herself right at home.   
  
Lana?  
  
Lex frowned and opened his mouth to just ask, but his words evaporated when he realized the time and the day of the week. It was saturday and roughly ten o'clock in the morning.   
  
And he'd forgotten to cancel the produce order.   
  
Upon finding no one answering her call when there should have been, she'd apparently felt concerned enough to investigate. Her investigations had led her upstairs, and into the door they'd so stupidly left standing open.   
  
There was something more ominous about her quiet, seething fury than in all of Lionel's bellowing.   
  
"You slimy son of a bitch."  
  
Lex sat up.   
  
He wasn't quite sure how to react to her. He had several options, and they all went through his mind in a heartbeat before he settled upon reacting like the adult he was supposed to be. Before she could say anything more he rose from the bed, grabbed a robe from the back of a chair, and was at her side with his hand on her elbow. He ignored the fact that she jerked it away angrily.   
  
"Don't wake him up." he whispered.   
  
"Don't you tell me....."  
  
"Just shut up and talk to me - all right - before you go off on him."   
  
Their eyes met, and Martha did not speak.  
  
"All right?" he repeated.  
  
Reluctantly, she nodded, and they went into the hallway. As he shut the door Lex glanced back inside where Clark had rolled over but still slept. He had no idea what he was going to say to her or how the situation was going to work itself out, but he would do his damnest to keep Clark from getting hurt. He thanked God for two things: that it had been Martha and not Jonathan who had made the discovery and that she'd not tried to kill him.   
  
Of course there was still time for her to do so.   
  
Martha held her tongue until they were behind the closed doors of the second floor library.  
  
"What have you done?" she demanded, still holding herself in check - barely. "What have you done to my son?"  
  
Lex sighed. "I haven't done anything to him."  
  
Her laugh dripped with sarcasm.   
  
It was cold in the shadowy library and Lex pulled the robe closer around him as he sat down in a chair. He looked up at her impassively as he spoke.  
  
"If you're thinking I seduced him Martha, you're wrong. He came to me."  
  
She had been pacing, but at his words she stopped and looked at him but immediately shook her head in denial.  
  
"Clark isn't..."  
  
"Gay?" Lex said quietly, as she hesitated. "No. He's not. He is lonely, confused, and frightened though, and I think we both know why."  
  
Ah, let her chew on that tidbit for a little while.   
  
"What has he told you?"   
  
Lex hesitated, then told her the truth - or at least parts of it.   
  
"Nothing specific. Most of what I know I've deduced on my own. He's different, he knows it, and I'm the only one he trusted. Are you aware he's been spying on Lana through the telescope in the loft?" He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and watched her reaction.  
  
She was, of course, shocked.   
  
"No!"  
  
"Are you aware of what happened to him in October, on homecoming night?"  
  
Her eyes narrowing, she stared at him. "He went to the dance, and stopped that scarecrow kid from killing everyone. He told me."  
  
"You're his mother Martha, he's only going to tell you what you want to hear." Lex said softly. "So you know about the scarecrow tradition?"  
  
"Jonathan told me. He tried to get it stopped when he was on the team. What are you trying to tell me?" she demanded. "I know how you work Lex, stop playing with me and get to the point."  
  
He gave her a long, cool look before he did as she asked.   
  
"Clark was the scarecrow this year. I found him trussed up like a turkey in the middle of a field. Something was making him ill." He was not going to reveal his knowledge regarding Lana's necklace to her, not yet. "He didn't mention it did he?"  
  
"No." she said quietly.   
  
"Nor obviously the fact they molested him before they strung him up."   
  
He saw her flinch, and the horrified expression on her face told him what he'd known: she hadn't a clue. Lex pressed his advantage, and he felt the control of the situation tip into his favor.  
  
"They raped him Martha." he said bluntly. "So imagine what he's been going through. He's raging with hormones, frightened because he knows he's different, and his only sexual experience was the result of a brutal attack. Who is he going to talk to about it? His mother - how embarrassing? Or his father, who we both know would fly off the deep end? No. He came to a friend. He came to me."   
  
She sagged into another chair, and to her credit and Lex's surprise, she did not break down into tears. "Clark...." The pain in her voice was cutting.  
  
He paused a moment, and quietly added: "He is different Martha, which is why this has gone the way it has. He wants Lana, that's true, but if he ever had her - he'd put her in the hospital."  
  
Which was not completely true, but she did not have to know all the details.   
  
"We've kept it very discrete. No one knows. So before you decide to make a big issue of it, you think about the consequences to Clark."  
  
She looked up sharply, and he saw then the tears glinting in her eyes. "Are you threatening me?"  
  
Funny, I said the same thing to Chloe just last week.  
  
"No Martha. I'm not. I'm telling you because I care about Clark. If you, for instance, went home and told your husband what I've just told you, he's going to make it an issue. Someone is going to find out, and in a town this size, it won't be long before everyone knows." Lex's expression was wry. "They're already looking for anything they can to bring me down and would jump on something like this in a heartbeat. But think about it. What another scandal mean to me?" It was a hypothetical question, and when she naturally did not answer, he continued. "The press can be bought Martha. All I'll have to do is move out of town again and nobody will ever know outside of Smallville. Clark doesn't have that option. You and Jonathan don't have that option. The three of you will be ruined."  
  
"I want this stopped." she raged. "If you care so much about him you'll call this - affair - off! Right now - today."  
  
His eyes turned cold.   
  
"No."   
  
Her eyes narrowed.   
  
"He's sixteen Lex. I could have you arrested for statutory rape."  
  
"First of all, if I'm not mistaken, the age of consent in Kansas is sixteen. Secondly - money can buy more than just the silence of the press. The whole judicial system is terribly flawed by the inability of its key players not to accept a generous bribe."   
  
He did not tell her age of consent would only apply if the affair was heterosexual; and that there were plenty of lawmakers who would be more than willing to lock Lex Luthor up in jail and throw away the key. If Martha called the police, Lex would be behind bars faster than he could pack a bag. The vision of calling his father and informing Lionel he was in jail on a sodomy charge was not particularly appealing.   
  
"There again Martha," Lex said, still speaking softly. "If you did call the police, and they did investigate, you don't think they would keep things quiet do you? The whole town knew about Jonathan's arrest a few months ago in less than ten minutes."  
  
Check.  
  
"Do you really want people to look at Clark and call him 'faggot' on top of all the other shit he has to deal with?"  
  
Just what else that was, Lex had no clue, but Martha knew and his words struck a nerve.  
  
She stared at him - trembling. Her face was pale and strained, making her seem much older than forty-something. He could see her mind frantically trying to find a way out like a rat in a maze, and knew she'd find nothing because he never could. No matter what she did Clark was going to suffer for it. Lex did own him, regardless of Clark's naive belief that no one did, and now Martha knew it too.  
  
She buried her face in her hands, and wept.  
  
Check mate.  
  
***********************  
  
Lex didn't mention his encounter with Martha to Clark.   
  
Clark wasn't happy when he found out.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded, some twenty four-plus hours later when he burst into Lex's den with a murderous expression. "What did you do to my mother?"  
  
Lex didn't look up from his computer. "So she told you. I was wondering if she would."   
  
"Lex..."  
  
He raised his head. "Clark I didn't do anything to her. She walked in, saw what was going on, and I told her the truth. I didn't tell you what happened because I wanted to give her the chance to tell you herself."   
  
"She says you're blackmailing her."  
  
"Blackmail?" Lex laughed. "That's harsh." He sobered at the look on Clark's face. "I only told her what would happen if she made a big fuss. She's upset Clark. I didn't want her to do anything we'd all regret later. That's all. I'm not blackmailing your mother. I told her the truth. Its not an easy truth to accept."   
  
"She carries around enough secrets. She doesn't need this." Clark started pacing, something unusual for him, and he ran his hands through his hair. "She doesn't need this." he repeated.  
  
"She's asked you to break it off?"  
  
"Of course she did. She's begging me Lex."  
  
Lex hesitated. "What did you say?"   
  
Clark stopped pacing, but wouldn't look up, and Lex knew him well enough to know he was hurting. His voice was a whisper, and very rough.   
  
"I told her I wasn't ready to give you up yet."   
  
I love you for that Clark. I really do.   
  
"She didn't take that well I'm presuming."  
  
Here come the water works.   
  
"She's not speaking to me." Turning his eyes towards Lex, Clark looked as if his whole world had suddenly come crashing down around him.   
  
In a sense it had. He'd suddenly crossed the line into adulthood. He was no longer unwise to the mysteries of sex and sexual relationships; which was all well and good when no one knew about it. With his mother made aware, innocence was lost. He was grown up, and there was no running back to her for comfort. So he ran straight from his mother's embrace....  
  
And right into Lex's.   
  
Lex silently congratulated himself as he got up.   
  
"If you were a girl," he said quietly, as he stood in front of Clark with his hands in his pockets and a faint smile playing across his lips. "and I were a halfway decent man - I'd present you with a handkerchief and tell you not to worry about your mascara running because you were still the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen."  
  
Clark laughed a little, and wiped his nose on his sleeve. His grey eyes were still pained, and he was still crying, but he favored Lex with a wry smile. "You're an idiot."   
  
"She'll get over it Clark." Lex said quietly. "What's hardest for her isn't the fact that its me you're fooling around with, but that you're fooling around at all. Her baby is all grown up. How do you think that makes her feel?"  
  
He didn't answer right away. "We've always been so close...do you really think she'll come around?"  
  
"She loves you doesn't she? Of course she will." Lex took his hands out of his pockets and slipped them around Clark's waist. "She's not going to abandon you just because she disagrees with you. She's not that kind of person." He cocked his head. "Of course I think if I set foot on the farm anytime soon she'll fill my backside with buckshot."  
  
Clark sniffed - raised a hand to wipe his eyes.  
  
"Tell me, what's going on with your father during all this?"  
  
"He thinks she's started menopause and that's why she's so moody."  
  
Lex shook his head. "A convenient excuse. You don't think she'll say anything to him do you?"  
  
"Are you kidding? She just got him out of jail on manslaughter charges. I'm sure she's not anxious for him to go back." Sighing, Clark leaned his forehead against Lex's. "Besides, I asked her not to and she agreed. She knows the consequences. I just hate that she has to go through this alone."  
  
There was a long silence, and they simply stood together, looking into each other's eyes.   
  
"I'm scared of this." Clark whispered finally. "I don't know when it got so complicated. Its like I've gotten myself addicted to some drug and I need more and more to get myself through until the next fix. I can't stop."  
  
"Yeah, that's what it feels like."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Being in love."  
  
Clark looked at him carefully. "Is that what it is?"  
  
"I'd like to think so." Lex whispered. "Its hard to admit isn't it? You have to give up part of yourself."  
  
"Was that hard for you?"  
  
Lex hesitated but he couldn't lie to those eyes. Not this close. "Yes."  
  
Drawing a long breath, Clark said: "Do you remember when I first came to you? I told you I was used to making sacrifices."  
  
"Yes." Lex gradually moved his head, angling in slowly.  
  
"I don't know," Clark closed his eyes. "If I can make this one."   
  
Lex kissed him, very slowly, letting his tongue explore Clark's lips and mouth - tickling and teasing inside and out. When he withdrew he applied just the slightest bit of suction to Clark's lower lip, and quietly ended the kiss.   
  
"I think you already have."  
  
"I can't."   
  
Clark's voice was desperate, but still not above a whisper, and as Lex pulled him closer he could feel his muscles tighten. He was terrified.  
  
Of what?  
  
"You don't understand...."  
  
Lex let him go and backed off. He knew he was about to lose his temper and he turned his back in a concentrated effort to keep things under wraps.   
  
"Clark, I am so tired of that."  
  
"I know. Lex its not you. I promise, its not you. I just - unconditional love isn't something I can do. I can't give one hundred percent. I have responsibilities....."  
  
His temper snapped, and Lex did turn around. "Responsibilities? Clark you're a sixteen year old farm brat. What fucking responsibilities? Try walking in my shoes for a day. You help take care of a multi-national corporation. You walk down the street and have people stare at you because you're fucking bald at the age of twenty four. You live under Lionel Luthor's thumb, and you wake up every morning knowing not one single person on the whole damn planet gives a shit if you live or die. Take on those responsibilities Clark."  
  
Clark's grey eyes were unwavering, and his voice was as cool as ever. Unperturbed, he met Lex's tirade and embraced it with a quiet rant of his own. "You know where you come from Lex." he said softly. " At least you know that when you wake up in the morning you'll be the same person you were the night before. I don't always have that luxury."   
  
"Clark..."  
  
"I'm not human."  
  
"We're all human Clark. If you weren't you wouldn't be having these doubts..."  
  
"I'm not being figurative Lex."  
  
Lex's brows dipped together. There was nothing in Clark's eyes to explain what he was thinking, nor what he meant other than the obvious interpretation of his words.   
  
What the fuck?  
  
"With that comes - gifts. With those gifts come responsibilities and a future already laid out in front of me. Lex I told you - you are part of my path. I meant that and I believe it. I'm frightened of the day I have to leave you when the path carries me past. I can't afford to leave anything behind, especially not my heart and soul. I swore I would always be there for you and I meant that too, but it may not be like what we have now. You promised to protect me from getting hurt but Lex...I can't make the same promise. I can't be in love with you."   
  
Lex could not break away from his stare.  
  
"I am not - human." The tears began anew and the momentum of his words increased. "I can't love anyone. Even when I'm with you, I'm alone. I'll always be alone. That's what has made the whole thing with Lana so hard for me Lex. I see her with Whitney and I know one day they're going to get married and have a family - I want that life. That's what I want more than anything in the world and I can't have it no matter what I do. And this - our relationship - I'm always going to want more. No matter how much you love me, or whatever you do - you can't give me the life I want either - and I'm not going to drag you down with me. So don't ask me to love you because - I - can't."  
  
Of all the myriad thoughts which could have come to the forefront in Lex's mind, the one that did took him by surprise. It was very typical of his own methods of dealing with overwhelming emotion and under another circumstance would have had him laughing. Instead he found it horribly sad both from understanding it was a major flaw of his own, and that it was undoubtably true.  
  
Clark really needed to get completely drunk and forget about everything for a few days.  
  
The second thought grabbed him around the heart and gave him a rather vicious shake.  
  
Clark's long tirade was nothing BUT a confession of love, or at the very least a deep rooted caring.   
  
He told me his darkest secrets. He vowed he'd always be there for me. He loves me enough not to love me.   
  
He's made me love him even more. God - this is killing me.   
  
"Sit down Clark before you fall down."  
  
"I..."  
  
"Just sit the fuck down."   
  
Clark obeyed, and Lex debated momentarily whether or not he would pour himself a drink before he sat down himself. In the end he decided to the negative, and quietly sat down beside Clark on the sofa. He sat sideways, resting his elbow along the back, and watched Clark wipe his tears away with shaking fingers. It brought to mind, once again, how soft Clark's hands were.   
  
And how strong.   
  
"I did hit you didn't I?"  
  
A nod.  
  
Lex sighed.   
  
"I'm not asking you to love me Clark, but I think you do."  
  
"I'm so confused....."  
  
"I know you are."  
  
"I love Lana, or at least I thought I did." He looked up at Lex and his brows came together. "But it would never work out."  
  
"And she'd get hurt, and you don't want to do that to her."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That's love. Don't fool yourself into thinking it isn't. All the sacrifices you make for other people just illustrates how big your heart is Clark. That makes you human. You're certainly more human than I am. I couldn't do it."  
  
Maybe not for anyone else, but I'm doing it for you.  
  
"You've told me your secrets Clark. That's pretty unconditional."  
  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
  
Translation: I love you.   
  
"I know." Lex accepted his head upon his chest, and held him.   
  
"But I want to be with you, and I want to confide in you...."  
  
"Just start at the beginning," Lex whispered. "and tell me."  
  
  
*************************  
  
If I had learned Clark's secrets a few months ago, he'd be bottled up in a lab somewhere right now....  
  
Lex parked the Ferarri and got out, momentarily grumbling at having had to park further down the street than he wanted, and hunting for change to put in the meter.   
  
Instead of curled up asleep in my bed.   
  
They'd sat on the couch all afternoon and Lex had quietly listened to Clark tell him everything, starting with the meteor shower onward. The confusion, the fear and the guilt Clark felt all started to make perfect sense - as did the weird things that seemed to circulate around him. Lex surprised himself by not being surprised; nor particularly alarmed. He'd guessed quite a bit already and since he was extremely familiar with Clark physically, the "alien" part was not frightening to him.   
  
It explained the on/off libido switch.   
  
Once or twice Lex caught himself thinking "profit" and "experiment" and immediately shoved those thoughts out of his head by realizing they were much in the vein of how Lionel would react. What would be the point? He'd fought too hard to keep Clark, why would he throw that away now? If, however, things ever degenerated to the point where Lex might benefit from making Clark a science experiment.....  
  
Lex prayed they wouldn't, because he doubted his ability to resist the temptation.  
  
He hadn't resisted the temptation of taking advantage of Clark there on the couch when the talking was over and his mind was bursting with the knowledge that he - Lex Luthor - was in complete possession of the worlds only living extra terrestrial. It was a monumental turn on.   
  
When the tables turned upon them finally making it upstairs, and said extra terrestrial took advantage of him, Lex was a little bit hesitant at first due to his new knowledge. Clark seemed to sense it immediately. He proceeded quite carefully, and under his delicate touch, Lex's apprehensions very quickly vanished. It ended up being some of the most passionate moments they'd yet to experience together and as Lex came back down from the climactic high, he wondered at it. Did "love" really bring so much to the sex act? The answer had to be yes, because something had very definitely changed between them.   
  
Thinking of Ryan, he wondered if he really had loved him at all.  
  
Clark had watched him dress for a meeting with Lana at the Talon. He himself hadn't bothered to get up and Lex left him alone.   
  
"Picking buckshot out of your ass, " Clark stated quietly as Lex bent over to pull on a sock, "could be very interesting."  
  
Lex had straightened and given him a mock glare. "Bite your tongue."  
  
And Clark, rather languidly, had stretched himself across the bed in a very seductive manner. "Why don't you bite it for me?"   
  
"I'd rather. Lana's droning gets on my last nerve Clark. I don't know why you find her so attractive. She's horribly insipid and hasn't a scrap of originality."  
  
"In other words, she's dull and stupid?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Clark propped himself up on one elbow and had regarded Lex solemnly. "She's not really like that you know. She's got her secrets too, one of which is that she's much more intelligent than she seems. And she's extremely pretty." His eyes had glinted with mischief. "Are you jealous?"  
  
"No." Lex replied quietly, and leaned over to kiss him. "Who's bed is this?"  
  
"Yours."   
  
"Then why should I be jealous?" he'd asked, and he had, indeed, bitten Clark's tongue. "I have to go."  
  
As he finished feeding the parking meter he glanced at his watch. He was early. Lex liked being early. It gave him an advantage and made people who were late even later - fueling his temper for a tirade on punctuality. He whistled a little as he strolled down the sidewalk, wondering if he would make it back in time to catch Clark before he went home. A third round would be very appealing.   
  
As if sensing his thoughts, Martha Kent suddenly appeared in front of him.   
  
She had come out of the flower shop, which lay between Lex and his destination - the theater next door. That in itself was unusual because not only was the relationship between Nell and Martha rather chilly but over the years Martha had started growing her own flowers. Lex knew this - he bought from her. Even more unusual was the fact she was voicing thanks to Nell, who stood in the doorway, and both women were smiling. Lex frowned as Nell vanished back into the shop and Martha turned around to face him.   
  
She was still smiling.   
  
Alarm bells started clanging wildly in Lex's head.   
  
Fuck.   
  
"Martha." he said quietly.  
  
"Lex." she frowned, but only slightly. "Have you seen Clark?"  
  
She was baiting him. He knew she was baiting him, but he could not resist.   
  
"I just finished screwing him as a matter of fact. He's probably still asleep in my bed."  
  
Put that in your corncob pipe and smoke it, he thought maliciously. He was rewarded as she flinched visibly.   
  
It did not, however, phase her for long.   
  
"If he's still there when you get back, wake him up and send him home for dinner will you please?" Her green eyes were narrowed, but her expression neutral as she started to brush by him.   
  
He should not have been surprised when she stopped right at his shoulder, and turned her head to look at him.   
  
"Oh, by the way, I just had a very nice talk with your father. What a positively charming man." She paused to savor the expression of horror Lex knew had to be upon his face. "Give him my regards when he arrives tomorrow."  
  
He felt as if he'd suddenly been plunged into a vat of ice water. He turned his head to look at her, and their eyes, the same color of green, locked.   
  
"You can't play games with me Lex Luthor," she hissed, "I've been dealing with secrets and hidden agendas a hell of a lot longer than you have. Its time for you to get your sleezy hands off my son and stop meddling with his heart. You are a lying, filthy dog who doesn't care about anyone but himself.You don't give a damn about Clark getting hurt; you just get off on having someone to manipulate. Well that's over buddy. This is going to blow wide open and I promise you it is not going to be Clark who gets hurt. You will not be left standing Lex, and I for one will enjoy seeing you go down."   
  
With that, she turned away from him, and continued down the sidewalk.  
  
Lex stood there, motionless, with a face gone pale and slack of expression.  
  
She had called his father.  
  
She had called the hounds of hell down on him. 


	9. The Doorway

A soft lisping voice startled Lex out of his shock as he stood immobile in the middle of the sidewalk.   
  
"You're a fool Lex."  
  
He glanced towards the doorway of the flower shop and his slack expression immediately twisted into a scowl. Apparently Nell had not gone back inside as he'd assumed, but remained in the doorway listening to the entire exchange. She was leaning on the doorjamb, her arms crossed, watching him.   
  
"Apparently the old saying about a mother bear and her cub means nothing to you. That seems to have been a mistake on your part. You're about to get mauled."   
  
His voice was ice cold. "What do you have to do with this Nell?"   
  
Nell rolled her shoulders in a lazy shrug. "Martha came to me and asked if I knew how to get in touch with your father. I saw that she was upset, and I could not for the life of me figure out what in this world Martha Kent would want with Lionel Luthor." she smiled slightly. "So I not only told her how to get in touch with him, I let her use the phone."  
  
Every curse word Lex knew, in every language he knew, passed through his mind.   
  
"And of course you eavesdropped on the entire conversation."  
  
"Of course." She pushed herself off the doorjamb and went into the shop.  
  
Lex followed her.   
  
"What did she say?"  
  
Inside the shop it was warm, and extremely fragrant. Between the stress, the stifling warm air of the shop and the reek of potpourri and flowers, Lex felt his chest tightening up in a manner it had not done in years. It would be just his luck to have his damned asthma return on top of everything else.   
  
Nell went through the racks of fresh flowers, sorting through them looking for ones damaged or old. "In a nutshell, " she said, looking at him from around a stand of carnations. "that Lionel had better come back and have a little talk with you before she called the police."  
  
He laughed slightly - very slightly. "She wouldn't dare."  
  
"No. But your father doesn't know that and I got the impression he's just a bit annoyed himself with this situation." One brow arced up questioningly. "Would I be correct?"  
  
Lex did not respond.   
  
"Overall I find myself admiring the way Martha is handling everything. I mean if I were in her position and you were molesting my son...."  
  
"I'm not...."  
  
Nell abruptly cut him off. "According to the law you are." she snapped, then regarded him coolly as she moved off to the counter. "If I were her I'd have put a bullet between your legs."   
  
"You're a bitch Nell."  
  
She smiled. "I've spent entirely too much of my time dealing with the Luthor family." Her eyes were mocking as she leaned over the counter upon her elbows. Lex could very clearly see down the shirt she wore, which was, of course, her purpose. "You know Lex. I'm not that terribly old. I could still produce a child if I wanted to do so. I'm also not the only woman Lionel has at his disposal. If I were you, I would not dismiss the idea of being completely disowned in favor of another. You are not necessarily the only heir to the throne of LuthorCorp."  
  
His voice was a whisper. "You'd like that wouldn't you. You and my father's little sexcapades sent my mother to an early grave."  
  
"Sexcapades!" Her laughter filled the little shop. "I like that coming from someone currently engaged in screwing a little boy up the ass."  
  
"Vulgarity is unbecoming of you Nell." He narrowed his eyes, "It could just as easily been your niece." and a smile crept over his face. "You know, Clark is terribly fond of Lana and she is a very pretty girl. Perhaps an invitation to dine with the two of us is in order."  
  
Nell had a long reach, and was stronger than she looked. His face stung.   
  
"You lay one hand on Lana and I will put a bullet between your legs, you little bastard."  
  
He slowly leaned in towards her, and his voice was very low. "You know Nell, you'd better start packing - and tell Lana the bulldozers will be here in the morning. The Talon renovation has been canceled." The smile reappeared. "Have a nice evening."  
  
The pained expression on her face only slightly relieved his tension as he stalked out of the shop.   
*****************  
  
Lex was halfway home when the reaction finally set in and the shaking started. He could barely hold onto the steering wheel and the road was simply a grey blur in front of him. He had to pull over. Everything went around and around in his mind over and over again until he started to feel the first twinges of complete panic.  
  
Oh God!   
  
Martha had done the one thing Lex never thought she would do - that he never even dreamed she would do - she had called his father. She had sacrificed herself. Lionel would put a stop to the affair quietly and discretely and Lex would be removed from Smallville immediately. Lionel would always hold the debt over over her, and Clark would be furious at her, but Lex would be gone. She knew this option would do the least damage to Clark, and she also knew that in the end Clark would never completely turn against her for it. She was, after all, his mother. In fact, with Lex out of the picture and having learned Clark's deepest insecurities - from Lex himself - there was a good possibility she and Clark would grow even closer.   
  
Added to the mix was that whore Nell Potter. Martha had sacrificed herself there too by throwing herself at Nell's mercy. She had to have known Nell would find out everything. Had she not known there was something between Nell and Lionel in the first place Martha would not have gone to her. Nell stood to benefit immensely by Lex's absence. She could go after Lionel more aggressively, possibly ending up with a great deal of the Luthor money, and she would have Martha to thank for it. Her thanks, no doubt, would be to start pushing Lana towards a relationship with Clark - a soothing balm for Clark's wounds.  
  
Martha had known exactly what she was doing by calling in Lionel. It was brilliant, and the only real loser would be Lex.   
  
Fuck.  
  
If the whole situation weren't bad enough, one thing was sticking in Lex's mind and causing him a great deal of anguish - Martha's last little speech. He did care about Clark, and having her throw "you don't give a damn about Clark" at him had hurt him much worse than the physical pain of Nell's slap in the face. If he went to Martha and swore on everything from a Bible to his mother's grave she still would not believe him when he told her he honestly only wanted the best for Clark. He could confess to the murders of the two molesting football players and still no one would believe how he felt about Clark. Why would they? He was Lex Luthor. He cared only about himself.  
  
Clark...  
  
Had Lex not cared he supposed he'd drive home, dig out the piece of meteorite he had stashed in his safe, and proceed to lock Clark up in a cell somewhere. He could then deny everything to Lionel, make Martha out to be a complete psychotic, keep Clark hidden away as his personal slave, and continue much as he had before all this happened. Even if he did not feel the way he did about Clark and would stoop so low as to engage such a plan; it had some serious drawbacks. He seriously suspected exposing Clark to the meteorites for an extended length of time would eventually prove to be fatal, and anything less than complete exposure would allow Clark the strength to escape. If Clark escaped - he would come after Lex - and the thought of Clark Kent coming after him in a fury scared the piss out of him.   
  
What am I going to do?  
  
If he'd known the truth of Clark's secrets earlier, aside from unsubstantiated guessing, and he'd revealed his knowledge; Martha would have never contemplated breathing a word to anyone for fear Clark would be put in a lab. Apparently Clark had assured her, and at the time it had been true, that Lex did not know all the detailed facts and had only been referring to the affair. Clark's delayed confession had been perfect timing - for Martha. Now Lionel was on his way, and calling Martha and telling her Lex knew the truth, still wouldn't do him any good. It didn't matter if Clark were bottled up in a science lab or Lex was shipped off to Siberia....  
  
Lex would still lose, no matter how he looked at it. He would lose everything.   
  
He would lose Clark.   
  
He slammed both fists on the steering wheel.  
  
"FUCK!!!"  
  
*********************  
  
Clark was still asleep when Lex finally made it home.  
  
He lay curled around a pillow in the center of the bed with the covers tucked up around him, and in the dim light of late afternoon he looked quite a bit younger than his actual age. Lex stood in the doorway, much as Martha had the day before, and the evil little voices he suspected were the battered remains of his conscience whispered "pervert" at him. His chest still felt tight, but he no longer suspected the return of his asthma. Instead he knew it was the ache of knowing something that meant more to him than life itself was about to be taken away from him.   
  
He'd been there before and he recognized the ache.   
  
When Lex's mother had been nearing the end, her husband finally took himself away from his work and his mistresses to tend to her care. He did so by sending her to a heart specialist in Chicago with a private nurse at her side; only dropping in to rage at her doctors from time to time, and to bring her mail. Eventually he'd returned to Metropolis, leaving her alone in a strange hospital with a hired companion. She had died there - alone - not long afterwards.   
  
Lionel had not informed Lex, who'd been away at school in Europe. Lex had not known his mother was not at home, nor did he realize she was gone until three days after she died, when he received a telegram from Lionel's secretary - too late to be there with her and too late to attend the funeral. He recalled sitting in his room, the telegram in his hands, wondering how Lionel could have been so cruel.   
  
He should have known better. Lionel had never been anything but neglectful and cruel to his wife and child. The only time Lionel involved Lex in anything had been the times when they'd had their lessons in "business warfare" in order to train Lex for the eventual ascendance to the throne. Lex had never traveled with Lionel anywhere except one time and one time only; and on that occasion Lex had nearly been blasted into oblivion. After the meteor shower Lionel never went anywhere with him. He very likely got tired of explaining Lex's appearance. It was horribly petty, but Lex would have loved to shave Lionel bald and send him out in the world to see how he liked it.   
  
He blamed Lionel for the loss of his mother. He blamed Lionel for the loss of his hair and all the emotional trauma it caused.  
  
In a round about way he also blamed his father for the loss of Ryan. If he hadn't been so lonely - if he had not felt abandoned and unloved - perhaps he would not have fallen so hard for the first person who'd shown him any real affection. If Lex had not been so totally fucked up mentally he would have never gotten involved with Ryan at all. They would have never been driving together on that cold spring morning, (in Lionel's car - a voice whispered insidiously) and Lex would not have killed him. Or, if he were destined to be with Ryan, they would have met later under much better circumstances.   
  
Lex looked at Clark lying asleep in his bed and could not escape the vision of Ryan lying dead beside the road with blood in his eyes.   
  
Now Lionel was coming to take Clark away from him.   
  
He wasn't sure if his father was going to be more pissed off by the fact Lex was having a homosexual affair - with a minor no less - or by confirming the fact Lex had lied to him to his face about it. It had been obvious Lionel had not believed his original denial in the slightest. Lionel could also be incredibly irritated at having Martha disrupt him from whatever engagement he had in Europe with the news of Lex's rather poor attempt to blackmail her.   
  
Or all of the above.  
  
Clark sighed, distracting Lex from his thoughts, and as he stretched into wakefulness his grey eyes opened to see Lex standing in the doorway. He ran his hands through his hair and glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table.   
  
He frowned. "You're back early. What happened?"  
  
Lex lied. "Nothing. She had to be somewhere, we made it quick."   
  
"Hmm." Clark flopped back on the pillows. "I have to go home." he murmured.  
  
"Clark."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If I asked you to fly with me to Italy - tonight - would you?" Lex's gaze was steady, and his voice completely uninflected.  
  
"What? No!" His eyes wide, Clark raised his head to look at him and laughed. "Don't be ridiculous."  
  
"Why not?" Lex had not expected to be able to carry Clark off to places unknown, but he'd thought it worth a try.  
  
"Oh, let's see, which of a million reasons do you want first? I'm underage, I don't have a passport, my parents would have you arrested for kidnapping - would having to go to school in the morning be a valid point too?" he sobered at the look on Lex's face. "What is it?"  
  
Lex hesitated and told him the truth, somewhat. "I'm tired of Smallville. I want to take you somewhere special where we don't have to hide." He walked into the room, and threw his jacket over a chair before easing onto the bed. He pried both shoes off, and heard them thud upon the floor.  
  
His kiss was extremely tender. His caress - gentle.  
  
"Where I can show you off."  
  
"Hmm." Clark whispered. "I don't know if I would be ready for...."  
  
Lex shut him up with another - this time, lingering - kiss.   
  
"Ah, now you're going to start something and I have to go."   
  
Tugging at the sheets, Lex pulled them away. "Have I ever told you how attractive you are."  
  
Laughter.   
  
"Have you been drinking?"   
  
One of Lex's hands continued its journey over Clark's firm stomach, the other worked on his own clothes. "Or that I love you?"  
  
The grey eyes were filled with concern. "Now I know something's wrong. What is it?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
To tell him would mean they would have to discuss the situation. Lex did not want to discuss the situation and ruin what was most likely their last time together. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to plan or scheme or analyze. He wanted to spend these last few hours they had remaining savoring Clark's presence - his body, his mind, his very being. He'd never said goodbye to his mother. He'd never had the chance to say goodbye to Ryan. He would tell Clark goodbye the only way he knew how; and he would spare Clark the pain of knowing it was the last time by holding the knowledge to himself.   
  
"I'm just in a mood." Lex said softly. "You know me."   
  
You know my heart.  
  
"Yes, I do, and you aren't usually so overtly sentimental."  
  
Easing himself over, Lex shivered at the sensation of skin upon skin as he continued to lavish his affections on the lean body beneath him. He tasted the skin below Clark's ear, running his tongue along the jawline until he found the exposed throat where he lingered. When he found Clark's lips again he sensed the subtle change in temperature indicative of the on-off libido switch being turned into the "on" position. When his hands slid down from sides and hips to the delicate flesh upon the inside of Clark's thighs, he discovered that his senses had been very correct.   
  
"I'm going to be late for dinner."  
  
"Shhh."  
  
He moved Clark's limbs, manipulating the body as he had once done the mind on so many occasions. With hands and mouth and his own body, Lex sought to memorize every bit of what would soon be gone, and what he felt - for a time - had been exclusively his.  
  
Please don't take him from me. Please.   
  
He looked down into those grey eyes and felt as if his heart would tear itself in two.....   
  
He kissed those lips and felt as if his mind would fall into a senseless void......   
  
He became one with the body and felt as if he could fly....  
  
And he would never, ever, feel any of it again.   
  
Please, don't take him away from me.  
  
*************************  
  
Clark left just before the light faded completely from the sky, despite several subtle, and not so subtle hints from Lex for him to stay.   
  
Lying alone in the darkness, Lex breathed deeply of the remnants of Clark's scent and felt the heat of Clark's body slowly fade from the bedding. The tightness in his chest started to return as he again felt the ache of loss.  
  
How had he allowed himself to be so stupid?  
  
How could he have been so arrogant to assume he would ever be allowed to have anything for his own?  
  
At the very last moment, just as Clark turned from him to go out the door, Lex had almost called him back. Lex had almost threatened him:   
  
Stay with me. Go to Europe with me. If you don't I'll tell the world about you.   
  
Clark had paused in the doorway, given him that wry smile, and bade him good night.   
  
Goodbye.   
  
Lex let him go.   
  
It didn't matter. It wouldn't have worked. He had the memory of Phalen's blackmail attempt to remind him. Lionel would immediately cut off the money to fund such an endeavor anyway, and there was no way Lex would involve his father in such a scheme. Lionel would have Clark dissected immediately and to hell with what Lex wanted.   
  
Lionel Luthor.  
  
It all came back to Lionel.   
  
Always.  
  
Lex rolled over to his other side, and he saw - illuminated by the light from the alarm clock on the bedside table - the book he'd been reading.   
  
It was a new book for his Greek history collection.   
  
His breath caught, and his heart began to beat a bit faster.  
  
Five minutes later he was in the library on the phone.   
  
By eight o'clock that evening Lex's Jaguar pulled into a Metropolis parking lot.   
  
By eight-oh-seven a black Mercedes eased itself into the same lot....  
  
And Lex slipped out of Martha's snare. 


	10. Betrayal

Lex sat in the second floor library as the early morning sun filled the area just outside the door with the brightest light of the day. The library was dark, save for a few decorative lights set among the bookshelves. One such light illuminated a painting set within a recess in one wall - a painting of Alexander the Great - and the eyes of the king seemed to stare at him with nothing but accusation within them.  
  
When the Furies come to mete out their punishment upon you, what then will you do?  
  
You escaped them. You were tried, found innocent, and I will be no different.   
  
I will survive this.   
  
Lex desperately craved a drink, and he resisted the temptation to indulge himself. He'd been popping amphetamines in an effort to stay awake and alert and the last thing he wanted to do at this moment in time was to kill himself. That, right now, was not an option. Instead he sat staring at the painting, sipping at yet another cup of coffee, and waiting.   
  
Waiting.   
  
It was the calm before the storm.  
  
He checked his watch and noted the hour. It was almost eight a.m., a little more than twelve hours since he'd initiated his plans with his first phone call and much too late to call them all off. Lionel's plane would just be entering Metropolis airspace. He would probably pause for a quick breakfast before returning to the LuthorCorp hangar and engaging the services of the helicopter to fly him to Smallville.   
  
The helicopter.  
  
Lex despised the thing. Lionel only used it to make sure he made an over-the-top dramatic entrance. It also assured him of having to spend as little time possible dealing with his son and the Smallville fertilizer plant. In and out, hello good-bye - that was Lionel's preferred method. When Lionel was not around Lex had full use of the 'copter, and he had never once used it, preferring instead to either drive himself or have himself driven. Lex enjoyed the long drive to Metropolis. It allowed him to think and to prepare for whatever meeting he would be attending. He also liked the feeling of being served as the chauffeur held the door for him and how heads turned when he eased out of the back. He could take his time, and stand up tall. Ducking and running under the whirling blades of the helicopter were not his style.   
  
He compared his method of operation - his style - to Lionel's as he compared their sex methods. Lionel was the proverbial "wham, bam, thank you ma'am".  
  
Lex preferred a long, slow, and sensual fuck.   
  
And he hated the damn helicopter.  
  
He put the now empty coffee mug down on the table beside him, and picked up his cell phone. With a flick of his thumb he pressed the button to allow him to review his messages. He'd been carefully screening them ever since he'd arrived back from Metropolis over an hour earlier. This time he saw, with a sad sigh, a familiar number appear. He recognized it immediately as belonging to a cell phone he himself owned but was not in possession of at the moment.   
  
Clark was up.   
  
Lex did not listen to the message, and later, when everything was over, he wished to God he had listened.   
  
It was too early in the game for Lex to make assumptions regarding his success at thwarting Martha Kent's initiative. Whereas he was relatively certain of the outcome, there were still many things that could go horribly wrong, and if that were the case....  
  
He could not bear to get his hopes up.   
  
He knew Clark was still ignorant of what his mother had done, else there would have not been a message at all. Clark would have appeared in person. Lex knew what the message must say:   
  
"Call me. I know something was wrong last night. I want to talk."  
  
I want to be there for you.   
  
If all of Lex's carefully constructed plans fell apart at the last minute, he did not want the last words he heard from Clark to come from a voice mail message. He wanted to remember Clark's voice as he spoke softly from the other side of the bedroom where they'd shared their most intimate moments.  
  
"Thanks." he'd said.   
  
"For what?"  
  
"For putting up with me."   
  
Lex had met his gaze steadily. "I do love you Clark. You know that don't you?"  
  
"I know."  
  
"I always will."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I love you." There had been a hint of desperation in his voice, but Clark had not heard it.  
  
Clark had only given him the wry smile, and the quiet good night.   
  
He'd not returned those three small words. He couldn't, and Lex knew why.   
  
If he'd spoken them aloud, given them freely, he would not then be able to take them back without destroying the one for whom they were intended. He knew one day he would have to move away down the path destiny laid before him and he refused, therefore, to give away that little bit of himself encapsulated in the words: "I love you." His ties to Lex would remain incomplete, and much easier for him to escape when the time came to do so. All the strength in the world could not break the ties of the heart and the binding of the soul forged with the giving of those words. Clark knew it.   
  
Lex knew it very well. He'd made the sacrifice; and he wondered, if everything came crashing down around him now, if he would pay for it with his life.   
  
He put down the phone and rubbed his face, yawning. He'd not pulled an all nighter in a long time and even the drugs he'd taken and the caffeine he'd consumed, were starting to lose their effect. He was not hungry, but after some thought he decided he should eat. He would not have time later, and perhaps a dose of carbohydrates would be in order to keep him going instead of popping another pill. Hannah should have started her work in the kitchen by now. Lex rose, stretching, and stifling another yawn he paused to let his eyes adjust to the brighter light by the door before proceeding through it. The sun was exceedingly bright this morning.   
  
He was quite surprised to hear Hannah's voice echoing up the stairs as he stepped out of the library and into the hallway. She was obviously upset, and obviously trying to stop someone else from entering the house. The other voices he could not discern, but Hannah's rose with outrage as whomever she tried to thwart got past her.   
  
"You can't go up there...."  
  
"Watch me."   
  
Lana.   
  
Damnit! What the hell was this all about? Why was she here? The girl had the absolute worst timing and dealing with her was the very last thing Lex wanted to do. He had too much on his plate and was entirely too tired to listen to her drone on about sentimental bullshit and bat her eyes at him as she made her whiney platitudes regarding the theater renovation....  
  
The theater renovation Lex had supposedly canceled in his angry, smart assed comment to Nell the day before.  
  
Shit!  
  
"Lana wait!"   
  
Lex stopped in his tracks, and his shoulders slumped. He closed his eyes and fought off the wave of dizziness only partially the result of lack of sleep. The voice he'd been replaying in his mind all through the night and into this morning, drifted up the stairs, wrapped around his heart - and squeezed.   
  
Clark.  
  
Of course she'd brought Clark. When she was upset, she never ran to her idiot jock boyfriend. She ran to Clark - because he was so sickeningly infatuated with her she knew he could be counted on not only listen to her problems, but to help her with them. The Talon project had been Clark's idea. Lex had leafed through Lana's proposal and recognized Clark's influence all over it and in fact that was the only reason he'd accepted it. If Clark wanted the world handed to him on a silver tray Lex would have given it to him, but all he wanted was for Lana to be happy, and that was quite easy to provide. When Nell relayed Lex's "message" about canceling the project, the first person Lana called was Lex, who had not been home. The second call had been to Clark, who knew nothing about it, and thus she had finally decided to pay Lex a personal visit.   
  
Lex had not checked the messages on the main phone line, and he had not listened to Clark's early morning call. If he had, he would have known she was on her way to see him and would not be having to deal with this now.  
  
He cursed himself for a fool as she stormed up the stairs and met him in the hallway.   
  
"You blew me off yesterday..."  
  
"Something came up." Lex said quietly.   
  
With his senses heightened by the drugs he'd taken, Lex quite easily picked up the scent of soap and shampoo as Clark came up the stairs and joined them. He stood a bit away from Lana, closer to Lex, and Lex had to stifle a slight moan. This early in the morning Clark had just finished getting ready for school, and the freshly showered smell of him reminded Lex strongly of the first night they'd slept together. He had to seriously clamp down on his self control.   
  
Lana was livid. Her delicate skin was flushed and her eyes were narrowed. "You blew me off and then you told Nell you were going to reneg on our deal."  
  
"Lana..." Clark's expression was one of perplexity, which Lex caught only in the briefest of glances. "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation...."  
  
"This is not a good time Lana." Lex's voice was carefully restrained. "I promise, I'll call you and we'll schedule a time to discuss this properly. Right now you need to get to school and I have other business." He brushed past, and both Clark and Lana fell in behind him, but Lana did not stay there for long and Clark was unusually hesitant.   
  
She hurried past him and intercepted him at the top of the stairs. She stood there, blocking his progress, her expression twisted with anger and grief; and for once Lana Lang was not at all pretty.  
  
"Why are you doing this? You promised me."   
  
He gave her a cool look. Damn her.   
  
"I had another offer, a much better offer, and I took it." He shrugged slightly, and tried to ignore the fact he knew Clark was staring at his back in shock. "We had nothing in writing Lana."  
  
She stood there, dumbfounded.  
  
"I didn't have a chance to call the demolition team. You'll have a few more days to clear out your things." He took a step forward, but she did not move, and he refused to meet her gaze. After a moment she spoke.  
  
"I thought you were different Lex." she said quietly. "Everybody warned me - Nell, Whitney, even Chloe - stay away from him because he'll turn on you. The Luthors are all the same. They don't care about anything but money, or anyone but themselves. I thought you were different."   
  
Lex set his jaw.   
  
"Lana come on...."  
  
Her eyes flickered over Lex's shoulder at Clark, and there were tears in her eyes. "He's got you so fooled Clark. Don't believe him when he calls you friend. His heart is black and his mouth spouts nothing but lies."  
  
Lex's voice was chill. "Let me by Lana. You're upset but..."  
  
"But what?" she raged. "I know what you think of me Lex Luthor. Its always been so obvious. You think I'm just a stupid little girl don't you? You think I don't know about what has gone on between your father and my aunt all these years? You think I don't see what's happening here?" She laughed, bitterly. "Its the next generations turn for the nasty little Kent-Potter-Luthor triangle. You're following right in your father's footsteps Lex. You're playing Clark along, pretending he's your best friend, just waiting for the opportunity to stab him in the back just like your father did to his father. Nell could have been Jonathan's wife, did you know that?"   
  
"Lana you're wrong. Its not like...."  
  
"It is Clark! It is! Can't you see?" She was openly crying now, "That theater meant so much to me! Its all I have left of who I am." But the anger was still there. "Oh but that's the plan isn't it? I'm to be Nell's replacement aren't I? Your father ruined her Lex. He took her identity. He shattered her relationship with Jonathan and he made her his whore. Now its our turn."  
  
Lex did not have time for this idiocy. She was reacting badly to something he had never planned on following through with anyway. He would never scrub the Talon project, not only because Clark wanted it, but because it actually was an excellent plan. Bringing up Lionel, and that instigating bitch Nell, were the wrong thing to do on this particular morning and Lex suddenly found himself growing extremely irritated.   
  
"Move aside Lana. Go home, calm down, and come back later." He took another step towards her until they stood nearly nose to nose.   
  
"You have no heart Lex." she whispered. "All you know how to do is take. All you care about is making a profit. You use people up and you throw them away. You don't know what it means to feel love, or devotion and you never will. You're just like your father."   
  
Time, for a heartbeat, stopped. No one moved, and no one said a word.  
  
Lex would swear, until the day he died, he never pushed her. He would never admit he laid a hand on her. His intent, he would say, had been to simply go around her and down the stairs. In honesty he would never be able to recall if he did or not, and in the interest of saving face, he always erred on the side of caution. He did not push her.   
  
But he did.  
  
The next thing he knew she was falling backwards away from him with her eyes widening in shock and surprise and her arms pin-wheeling in an effort to regain balance. One hand made a frantic grab at Lex, and missed. The other slipped off the railing just millimeters from being able to close around it and at least two of her fingernails were snapped off in that last desperate attempt to get hold of something - anything - to stop her fall. She started to scream...  
  
Her voice broke Lex's paralysis and he lunged for her. His hand made contact with the collar of her blouse, but when he closed his fist it was too late, and he only tore the cloth. He watched in horror as she fell backwards against the steps and her head hit the edge of one riser with a sickening crack; cutting off her scream in an abrupt and eerie silence. Her limp body continued to roll down the stairs into a heap on the rug below. It came to rest at Clark's feet.  
  
Lex had neither seen nor heard him go past, but it was much too late for him to save her regardless. Lex had looked into her eyes as her head struck the step and he had seen the light go out as if unplugged. He knew what the eyes of death looked like. He had gazed into them along the side of a country road five years earlier.   
  
He realized he was not breathing, and sucked in a shaking breath.   
  
"Oh God."  
  
Clark knelt at the foot of the steps, and pulled Lana into his arms, cradling her head on his shoulder and Lex had to clutch at the baluster to steady himself as he saw the scarlet smear upon Clark's sleeve. He watched as Hannah came running, and he saw her expression as she realized what had happened. Clark looked up at her, said nothing, but Hannah bolted as if he had spoken. She headed for Lex's den, and the phone there.   
  
At the foot of the stairs, Clark smoothed the dark hair away from Lana's face, which was expressionless and serene as if she were merely sleeping. His fingers brushed her eyelids, her cheek, her lips, and he bent his head to gently kiss her forehead. He was moments from breaking down completely. Lex knew him well enough to see the signs, and he prevented it by speaking his name.  
  
"Clark."  
  
Clark's head came up as if he'd been shot, and tear filled grey eyes turned to the top of the stairs where Lex still stood.   
  
Everything shattered in that moment. Had someone put a bullet into his heart Lex still could not have been as devastated as he was upon looking into Clark's eyes. Anger, accusation, hurt and betrayal - the words were insubstantial compared to the actual emotions Lex could so clearly see. They were things Lex had seen before in the eyes of other people as they looked at him and saw only his name and his father's reputation. He'd seen them in Chloe's eyes as she warned him to stay away from Clark. He'd seen them in Martha's eyes as she confronted him on the street. He'd seen them in Nell's eyes as she slapped him.  
  
He'd seen them in Lana's eyes as she fell.   
  
But this....  
  
No. Don't do this to me. Not now.   
  
Clark looked down at the girl in his arms, and shifted his body to lay her upon the rug. It was the last thing Lex saw before he found himself backing up into the hallway in fear for his life. One moment Clark was there, kneeling at the foot of the stairs, and the next he was at the top, inches from grabbing Lex by the throat.   
  
Lex stumbled backwards out of reach as Clark suddenly stopped and grabbed the baluster Lex had hastily abandoned in his retreat. He did not attempt to approach any further, but instead glared at Lex with an expression of pain and fury just outside of arms reach. Lex had no doubt, if Clark had managed to get the hold he'd sought with that first mad lunge, Lex would be a dead man.   
  
He glanced down at his hand, and realized he was still clenching his fist from his attempt to grab Lana. Dangling from his fingers, entangled in the torn piece of her collar, was the antiqued gold chain and the luminescent green stone of Lana's meteorite necklace. She'd been wearing it the whole time, which explained Clark's careful positioning around her and the fact he had not been able to catch her. It also explained why Lex was still alive, and when he looked back up into Clark's face, he realized again just how close he'd come to being killed.   
  
Oh please. Oh God. This can - not - be - happening!  
  
"You pushed her."  
  
"What?" Lex whispered. "I didn't, Clark! God, I swear!"  
  
Clark eased himself away from the stairs, but he did not come any closer. Instead he paced, half circling Lex, out of the range of the necklace by about five feet. It was reminiscent of a tiger pacing before the bars of its cage, waiting for the door to open so it could escape and devour the puny humans who put it there. This was not an angry teenaged kid who stalked him. This was something cold, inhuman, and extremely dangerous. Lex saw, in the fluidity of Clark's movements and the lightness of his step, the strength he had always felt being withheld when they were in each others embrace.   
  
He was terrified by it.   
  
"You - pushed - her."   
  
Lex closed his eyes. "I never..."  
  
"Everyone was right about you and I have been such an idiot. You've played me from day one. The first day we met - I should have known. I should have listened."  
  
I'm dreaming. This is a nightmare.  
  
Lex clenched his fist, felt the chain dig into his flesh, and did not wake.   
  
"You knew every twist and every turn. You schemed and manipulated until you had me so tightly wound around your fingers...."  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh Lana was right, only she had it backwards. You weren't out to ruin her - own her - like your father owns Nell. You were after me. I was going to be your little country whore, not Lana. There was more to gain with me. I had a secret. I had something you could use in addition to getting laid on a regular basis. Lana was in the way because I had feelings for her. Were you using the Talon to keep her away from me? Or was it bait to get her close enough to you so you could eliminate her? That plan certainly worked."  
  
It was wrong. It was all wrong! Clark...  
  
"Clark I spouted off at Nell. I was pissed and I said something I shouldn't have yesterday. I would have never broken my promise to Lana. I just - right now is not a good time...."  
  
Pathetic, and lame, but the truth. It was the honest truth.   
  
"So you killed her because she was inconveniencing you?" Clark shook his head. "Oh I see. What would you do with me, when I became inconvenient, have me sent off to be studied? Sell me to the highest bidder?"  
  
Lex let his breath out in a frustrated burst. "It was an accident - a stupid, tragic, horrible accident! I did not premeditate all this! This wasn't murder Clark!"  
  
The words were very soft, and very cold.  
  
"I saw you push her."  
  
Lex's reply was just as soft.   
  
"How can you do this to me? How can you be so cold knowing what I feel for you?"  
  
"How do I know what you feel? Lana didn't trust you, and she was right. So was my mother. No one trusts you Lex, why should I? Why should I believe anything you've ever said to me when I've seen how you can be with my own eyes!"  
  
"I'm telling you the truth damnit! Fuck, Clark, your mother called my father about us. She dragged Nell into the mess. I've been up all night trying to keep everything from going to Hell. Lana bursts in here and goes off on me...." He pressed his hand to his forehead, shaking, trying desperately not to completely break down. "How can I make you understand! I didn't push her. If I did, it was an accident Clark because I'm going completely insane! I'm about to lose you!"  
  
"You have lost me."   
  
Lex froze, meeting the grey eyes once again. His chest hurt. He could not draw a breath.   
  
"How much more blood stains your hands Lex?"  
  
More than you know Clark. Oh so much more than you know.  
  
Desperately: "Clark. I am not lying to you. I love you. I would not lie to you."  
  
Even though I have. Even though I am.   
  
Clark stopped his shark-like pacing. He stood, very still, in the bright morning sun streaming in through the windows. The anger gradually faded from his face, replaced by a combination of fear and a profound grief reaching deep into the depths of his eyes. Gone was any trace of the alien justiciary who had moments ago been reaching for Lex's throat. Instead there stood before him the Clark Lex knew and understood - and he gave Lex a second chance.  
  
"If you love me so much, put down the necklace." Clark whispered. "Isn't love about trust? Is your conscience clean enough to trust me Lex? Put it down and show me the truth. Then maybe I can trust you again."  
  
For Lex it was the ultimate sacrifice. He was willing to give up everything from his wealth to his very life for Clark. He had killed for him and sold his very soul. He'd even proven he could take Clark's life if he had to do so. Giving up the necklace clutched so firmly in his hand would mean Lex would have to give up control of the situation at hand. He would have to hand his life over to another's safekeeping and trust him with it. Control over his own destiny meant a great deal to Lex Luthor. He had revealed this before to Clark. Clark understood his own terms, and this was the price he demanded in exchange for his forgiveness.   
  
It was the sniveling, whining, brat cowering under his father's iron hand who came to the forefront. He recalled the blazing fury in Clark's eyes, and the predatory set to his features. It was he who remembered Clark's wistful longing for the girl who now lay dead at the foot of the stairs and the agony in his moan as he held her limply in his arms. He also knew the strength of Clark's hands and the feel of power hiding deep below the surface of his body as they made love in the night.   
  
That part of Lex was afraid, and he closed his hand tightly around the green crystal necklace - and he did not let it go.   
  
Clark stared at him for some time, and Lex could almost feel the pain in him. He knew it was not his own, for his was so much greater it overshadowed everything else. Lex had failed the test, and he saw clearly what he would have won had he made his sacrifice. Despite all the denials, and his constant battle to keep from relinquishing his heart, Clark had come to love Lex completely. He had been willing to put aside his anger and his guilt and all his suspicions to give Lex a second chance; and Lex had lost it. With a small instance of paranoid selfishness Lex had slapped Clark in the face, and thrown away whatever future they could have had together.   
  
Wordlessly, Clark turned his back, and walked away.   
  
Oh no. No. No.....  
  
"Clark," Lex's voice was a rasping croak, tight with suppressed tears, and filled with agonized pain as if he were being ripped from limb to limb.   
  
He stopped, but did not turn around.   
  
"What if I go public with what I know?"  
  
Clark turned his head and looked over his shoulder. His eyes and his expression were once again cold and alien. "Then I tell them you pushed Lana. I tell them I suspect it was you behind the accident that killed Harrigan and Lewis...."  
  
Lex winced. He'd known then.   
  
"And then I cry rape." Clark concluded softly.   
  
It was a long moment before Lex found his voice again. He responded in barely a whisper.  
  
"You would do that to me?"   
  
The cold, dead look of Clark's storm colored eyes was all the answer Lex needed.   
  
They began to hear the sounds of sirens approaching the mansion.  
  
"Clark, please...."  
  
Clark turned away and went down the stairs to be with Lana. Lex wondered, as the sound of sobbing was heard a few moments later, if Clark's tears were for her or himself.  
  
Lex's own grief went far beyond tears.  
  
**********************  
  
There was a blood stain on the rug.   
  
The police had been there for hours. They asked questions. They took pictures. They asked more questions. Both Clark and Lex had the same story: Lana had been upset about the Talon deal falling through. She'd been distraught, not paying attention, and she had twisted her ankle upon the stairs; resulting in the loss of balance leading to her fall. Lex had tried to catch her and ripped her blouse. Hannah could confirm Lana's state of mind and the fact Clark had arrived with her. Hannah's testimony was vital upon Nell's appearance and her wild accusations of sexual impropriety. She told of the affair, and no one believed her.   
  
"I have a girlfriend." Clark would say quietly. "You can ask her."  
  
Lex knew Chloe would lie for him.   
  
One of the police officers received a call, and as he drew Lex aside his face had been somber.   
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Luthor. This has been a tragic day already but...."  
  
Lex had almost laughed in his face.  
  
The pilot of the LuthorCorp helicopter had radioed in not long after taking off from the Metropolis airport, citing some sort of mechanical problem. Seconds later the craft went down, killing both the pilot and Lionel Luthor. "I'm sorry." the police sergeant had said.   
  
I'm not.  
  
It had been for nothing. The hundreds of thousands of dollars he'd carefully nickle and dimed from his father's accounts to fund his own projects, the hours negotiating with various contacts, and the carefully constructed twisting and turning cover-up to make sure nothing was traced back to its source - all of it had been for nothing.   
  
Lex still lost.   
  
It had not been difficult for him to appear upset and the waver in his voice as he asked the sergeant if things could be wrapped up quickly due to the news - that was real. The officer agreed, and began to move the investigation along towards its conclusion, but he told Lex additional investigative work might be needed at a later time. Lex said he understood, but it might have to wait until after he'd taken care of his father. He'd been reassured the report would most likely indicate an accident anyway. Later a little bit of Lex's inheritance would make sure it did.   
  
It was Martha, not Clark, who came to him. She'd heard the news and arrived shortly after the body had been taken by the EMT's and the police had escorted Nell to the hospital. She gathered Clark into her embrace and the two of them had spoken quietly together before he nodded and walked out the door. The last few policemen followed.  
  
Lex watched him go, and he prayed for at least one last look, but Clark had walked out the front door without turning; and Lex knew he would never come back. He'd felt as if a fist had closed around his heart and ripped it from his chest.   
  
Clark....  
  
"He told me its over." Martha had said icily, from where she stood next to him. "But he won't tell me what really happened here."  
  
He turned to look at her. "Isn't that enough for you?"  
  
"A girl is dead Lex."  
  
"I'm aware of that Martha. What do you want me to say? He doesn't believe me, so why would you? It was nothing more than a tragic accident."  
  
"Was your father an accident?"  
  
Lex had stared at her with an expression void of any emotion. He had nothing left. "I'm not the one who got him involved. His death is as much on your head as anyones."  
  
She refused to acknowledge any guilt. "There is a special place in Hell reserved for those who commit the crime of patricide Lex Luthor."  
  
He looked away from her and he'd been infuriated with himself when his voice broke. "I know. I'm already there."  
  
The Furies had exacted their punishment. They had taken Clark. The thing he'd sought to prevent had occurred regardless of his best laid plans.   
  
"Go home Martha. Its over, and he's going to need you," he'd said quietly when he once again had control of his voice. "He truly did love Lana."  
  
Martha had paused, poised on the verge of speaking, but apparently changed her mind. She dismissed herself and began heading towards the door.   
  
"Martha."  
  
She turned back to face him.   
  
"I never wanted to see him get hurt." Lex's voice had been hesitant. "I know you don't believe that but - will you tell him...."  
  
Martha waited patiently and her face had gradually softened as his pain finally surfaced. His heart was bitter when he'd seen it. Now she understood, and it was much much too late.   
  
"Tell him I'll miss him." he'd whispered - and that was the end of it.   
  
Now Lex sat on the bottom step, alone, staring at the blood stain upon the rug. His elbows rested upon his knees, and dangling from his fingers was Lana's necklace. His hands were as stained as the rug.   
  
His father was dead. No one would ever trace the assassins back to Lex. He'd laid such a twisted trail no one would ever know. He had finally escaped Lionel's hold over him. He was free to do as he wished and love who he wanted to love. He had it all and he had nothing. Clark had abandoned him.   
  
Lex also had no choice. He had made all his bargains and signed all his contracts. It was time to pay the price, despite the fact he'd still lost everything in the end.   
  
He quietly handed over his soul, and succumbed to the shadows.   
  
  
******Author's note: EPILOGUE to follow ****** 


	11. Epilogue - The Winding Road

Later.......by ten years.  
  
  
His usual table was at the back of the restaurant. He always sat at the back, facing the door, both for security reasons and for the fact that he always felt the need to observe everyone who came in the door. Lex Luthor's talents of observation had saved his ass on more than on occasion.   
  
On this particular occasion he was enjoying the view more than usual as he watched his lunch date weave through the crowd. They were in the exclusive SkyMet restaurant, high above the city, and it was packed with business executives cutting deals and making rendezvous with their lovers. It was one of Lex's favorite restaurants for that very reason, as he loved to watch the intricate politics and posturing going on around him. Of course he also always had two of his bodyguards secretly circulating the crowd and he'd gotten the upper hand over many business rivals due to this type of covert eavesdropping.   
  
Today he was putting both his observational and his eavesdropping talents to good use in an effort to get caught up on the news and gossip. He'd just returned from a European vacation to find a huge mess on his hands. The city was in an uproar, and since Lex had his fingers into nearly everything that went on in Metropolis - legal, illegal and all the things in between - he was not pleased. Metropolis was HIS city, and leaving everything humming along nicely only to come back to chaos really irritated him. Chaos tended to cost Lex money, and threatened the iron grip he had over everything; two things very important to him. The current state of the city was not good and Lex Luthor was not happy. When Lex Luthor was not happy, bad things tended to occur.   
  
Hence his lunch date. He'd called the one person he knew who would definitely know what was going on in the city and set up a meeting.   
  
Late, as usual, he thought as he glanced at his watch, then returned to his observations.  
  
Beautiful.   
  
Raven hair and large grey eyes combined with an almost feral grace - there was nothing in the world he found more attractive. He realized, as he drank in the view, he'd been gone for much too long. That thought was confirmed as their eyes met from across the room and Lex felt a little thrill run up his spine which made him very glad he was sitting down behind a table. He knew, however, this was one individual money could not buy and who was very definitely not interested in him in the slightest. In fact, although they were quite civil - even friendly - they secretly hated each other. They were too much alike.   
  
She eased into the chair opposite him, thunked down her purse, and crossed a pair of long lean legs made hard by athletic activity. "I heard you were back in town." Her smile was broad, and there was a definite "smart ass" glint in her eyes.   
  
He tossed a folded up newspaper at her. "What's this? Since when is the Planet a supermarket tabloid? This ranks up there with 'Rat Boy found in Sewers' and 'I'm Having Elvis's Alien Baby'."   
  
She casually scanned the article. "Nice bit of writing...."  
  
"Were you on drugs when you wrote it?" His tone was scathing. "Or feeling horny? 'Superman?' Give me a fucking break Lois."  
  
"You'd like a fuck break wouldn't you...." She laughed, threw the paper back at him. "You're just pissed because he broke up that smuggling ring you had going down on the east end."  
  
"What does that have to do with me?"  
  
Her eyes narrowed "Don't treat me like I'm stupid Lex. I don't have proof yet of anything you do, but you know I'll get there eventually."  
  
Like hell you will.  
  
"He's really got your panties in a knot doesn't he?" The smile returned. "I'll have to give him your regards next time I see him." They paused to give the waitress their orders, and then she leaned across the table at him. He attempted not to look down her blouse and failed miserably. "You getting worried Lex? Afraid he'll gradually climb up the ladder and find out who's really behind all the shit that goes on in this city?"  
  
Lex raised an eyebrow at her. There was no picture in the paper (that idiot photographer they had at the Planet couldn't tell the difference between a zoom lens and his ass) but her description had been enlightening. "Oh sure. I'm afraid of a grown man who runs around in pajamas and carries a little red blankie."   
  
"You should be." She said stonily.  
  
He regarded her quietly, tapping his fingers on the table. His signet flashed in the light coming through the huge windows surrounding them and he sat back in his chair, twisting the ring in a nervous habit he'd picked up over the years. "All right. I'll bite. What's the scoop?"  
  
"Nobody knows. He showed up, started pulling rescues and cleaning up some bad elements around town," Here she rolled one eye in Lex's direction. "and is generally just keeping an eye on things. The crime rate has plummeted in less than a week. He's making Gotham's resident costumed vigilante look like a slacker."  
  
Ah, now there's a seriously warped individual.  
  
Lex had run into Bruce Wayne of Gotham's Wayne Industries at a conference and asked him about "Batman" once. Typically, Bruce had treated Lex as if he'd crawled out of a sewer and had given him a patented "why are you even speaking to me?" look; and typically Lex had responded by flirting with him. Bruce was much too cold for Lex's taste, but Lex's sexual innuendos irritated him and therefore Lex had to make a pass at him every time they met. He'd had a field day upon hearing Bruce had picked up a "ward" and very nearly got Wayne ruffled enough to take a swing at him upon the suggestion of a threesome. Lex knew Bruce was extremely hetero, which made it all the more fun to tease him.   
  
Although he'd not said it in so many words, Bruce's take on Batman was that if he resided in Metropolis instead of Gotham he would kick Lex's ass.   
  
Now Lex had his own spandex clad problem.   
  
Lois shrugged. "He's promised me a more in depth interview."  
  
"I'll bet. He wants to give you a superfuck."  
  
"Ooh, Lex you are pissed off about this! You usually aren't quite so vulgar. You're turning me on!" She picked up her waterglass, and with a smirk, made sure she ran her tongue around the rim of the glass before she took a sip. Her eyes were bright as she put the glass back down.   
  
They were definitely too much alike.   
  
Bitch.  
  
"Maybe I'll let him. Jealous?"   
  
He wanted to throttle her. Screw her first, then throttle her.   
  
Lex refused to let his irritation with her show. She'd just use it against him. "Does he have life insurance?" he asked quietly. "He might need it with you."  
  
"I don't know Lex, you're the one with the trail of bodies behind you."   
  
The faintest flicker of a wince crossed her face as she spoke, and Lex smiled to himself as he realized she thought maybe she'd stepped out of line a bit. The comment illustrated she knew a little more about him than most people did, although she had no proof, and it indicated that she knew pushing him too far could lead to her becoming one of those bodies. That he still had control over her in such a manner cheered him considerably and he smirked.  
  
"Getting brave aren't you? Think your big blue Boy Scout is going to rescue you if you get in trouble?"  
  
She opened her mouth to respond, but was rescued from answering by the arrival of their lunch. They'd both ordered the house salad, and both commenced eating. Lex watched her out of the corner of his eye, and after a while he noticed she kept glancing out the windows.   
  
He leaned forward and gave her a rather malicious smile. "Hoping he'll make a fly by? Come on Lois. Now I know you were on drugs when you wrote that article. Flying men plucking you out of harm's way? Not only were you high when you came up with it, but Perry must have been drunk when he let you print this story." He inclined his head towards the paper still lying on the table. "Its ludicrous."  
  
"Are you implying that I made it up?"  
  
"People can't fly Lois."  
  
*** "People can't fly Lex." ***  
  
*** "I did." ***  
  
He nearly dropped his fork.  
  
"Roach in your lettuce?"  
  
Lex blinked and looked at her sharply. "What?"  
  
"I said, is there a roach in your lettuce? You suddenly looked rather startled."   
  
"No." he said quietly. "Just a little deja vu"  
  
He must be stressed to have dredged up that particular bad memory.   
  
"Ah, shit!" Lois put down her own fork as she looked at her watch. "I've got to wrap this up. I'm supposed to be meeting my partner in ten minutes." Grabbing her purse she dug around for her wallet.   
  
"Never mind Lois. I called you, I'll pick up lunch."  
  
She flashed him a grin. "Big spender."  
  
He smiled back, genuinely this time. She annoyed the piss out of him, but he always found her entertaining. "Since when does the illustrious Lois Lane have a partner? You are a lone wolf from way back, Lo."  
  
"Oh since I stupidly engaged in a bit of nepotism. My cousin Cici called in a favor and I got her ex-boyfriend a job. I figured he'd be some pathetic hack who'd end up writing classified ads. Turns out the son of a bitch has been freelancing all over Europe and Asia since college and is actually quite a kick ass reporter." Her expression screamed "green eyed monster" which made Lex chuckle.   
  
"It will do you some good to have a little competition. You'll write better."  
  
"I write just fine thank you very much." she sniped.   
  
"Good looking?"  
  
"I am, thanks." Her mood rebounded with the joke and she laughed. "He's got the sex appeal of a doorknob and so geeky he makes Dilbert look like a Chippendale model. Then there is the stutter and the fact he can't walk in a straight line without running into something."  
  
"I've seen what I've considered some very sexy doorknobs in my time Lois." Lex raised his glass and made a mock toast in her direction.   
  
She stood up and made a face. "Trust me Lex, definitely not your type." Picking up her bag, she shouldered it and gave one more quick glance out the windows. "I called Cici the other day and asked her where in the hell she'd found him."  
  
"And..."  
  
"She said 'Smallville', which reminds me, I think you may be familiar with Cici. Her dad used to work for the old LuthorCorp - Gabe Sullivan?"  
  
Lex froze, then had to put his glass down before he dropped it from fingers suddenly gone numb. The restaurant and Lois, became very distant from his senses.   
  
"Chloe?" he whispered.   
  
Oh shit. No. This better not be.....  
  
Lois winced as she pulled her hair out from under the strap of her bag. "Yeah. Chloe Caroline Sullivan, after my aunt Caroline. We're second cousins somehow - its a mess - anyway my mother always called her CiCi."   
  
"So her ex..."  
  
"They dated - on again, off again - in high school and college. I really don't see the appeal but Cici's a rather odd duck anyway....all right, give it up Lex. You're looking startled again. Deja vu? What's wrong with you today?"  
  
"What's his name?" he demanded.  
  
"Who?"  
  
He glared at her.  
  
"Oh! Him! Kent. Clark Kent."   
  
Lex decided, at that point, he had to look more than startled.  
  
He had to look terrified.   
  
***************  
  
Lex was in a horrible mood when he walked through the door of his office in the LuthorCorp tower. He was in a worse mood when his secretary presented him with his messages and he went off in a tirade of bad language as soon as she'd shut the door.   
  
Several years earlier Lex had been involved in a rather devious takeover bid on one of the biggest utility companies in the state - a takeover which would have brought him millions of dollars worth of additional income yearly had it been successful. It failed when his "mole" double crossed him and with the help of another industrialist, had taken over the company himself. Lex had lost a lot of money and his temper.  
  
As a result he set out to ruin the man he'd once called friend. In a very carefully orchestrated plan stretching out like a web within the corporate underground, Lex quietly undermined the company's financial security and his former mole's personal life. It had taken years, but finally the company was on the verge of bankruptcy and just last year the mole had put a gun to his head. With the help of a new mole, Lex had been on the verge of swooping in and taking over the utility company once again.  
  
Until Superman showed up.   
  
Lex had hidden his connections to the new mole by having him involved with a number of satellite companies, one of which was a clothing manufacturer. One of Lex's after lunch messages told him the clothing company had been found guilty of some rather nasty violations of child labor laws after Superman exposed an illegal sweat shop. Lex's mole had been arrested just as he'd been ready to spring the trap and allow LuthorCorp to take over the utility company, thus leaving things open for another company to slip in for the take over. Lex had lost his best mole, the utility company, years of careful planning, and even more money. Additionally he would now have to do some tricky juggling to make sure LuthorCorp's name was kept away from the child labor scandal and listen to Bruce Wayne gloat. Wayne Industries had ended up with Lex's utility company and Lex had no doubt he'd done it just to be a bastard. Lex was furious.   
  
Deciding heads would have to roll somewhere, he got on the phone and spent the afternoon ruining the lives of anyone even remotely involved in the clothing company scandal. Among them was the new mole, whom Lex decided was a complete fool for condoning the sweat shop in the first place and being so stupid as to have it discovered. Moles were dangerous when arrested, as they had the habit of talking under pressure, and Lex arranged to have him shut up - permanently. Perhaps he'd send Clark the man's head in a box.   
  
Fuck him.   
  
Lex was in a slightly better mood as he sat on his penthouse balcony nursing a brandy and watching the sun go down. The weather was fantastic, and so was the view. The light glittered off the skyscrapers like it would the facets of a diamond and gave them a brilliant golden aura. Their long shadows stretched back towards the river. Lex either owned, or had investments in, the majority of the companies housed within them and he looked out over the sea of glass and steel with a sense of pride.  
  
His city.   
  
He took a sip of the brandy, and spoke to the presence he'd sensed arrive a few minutes earlier. "The flying bit is a new twist, but your taste in clothes still sucks Clark."   
  
"Form follows function." Clark slowly drifted down until his feet touched the decorative tiled surface of the balcony and he stood leaning against the rail some distance from where Lex sat.   
  
Lex did not look at him, but raised his glass in a mock salute. "All hail Condom Man."  
  
"I'll tell my mother you like her design."  
  
"Oh so she's behind it? Figures. How is the old bitch?"  
  
Clark didn't answer, and Lex shot him a glance.   
  
Big mistake.   
  
The outfit wasn't half bad actually, possibly owing to what it clung to like a second skin. He was fully dressed, but as smooth and hard as a classic artists nude - Michaelangelo's David painted blue and sent off to walk around. Or fly around in this case. He'd filled out, no longer looking quite so leggy and coltish, with the broad shoulders and built up musculature of a middle weight prize fighter - not the over muscled look of a body builder. There wasn't an inch of fat on him anywhere, which was very clear considering one could see every curve of every muscle beneath the clinging suit. For Lex, who's memory consisted of that lanky body covered in baggy jeans and flannel shirts, seeing him thus clad was a bit of a shock. It was, to Lex anyway, horribly sexy and the Clark he remembered would have been embarrassed to be seen in public dressed in such a manner.   
  
But then, this wasn't exactly Clark either.   
  
He even looked different; older of course but something about his face seemed different and Lex could not quite define it. He did seem much more serene, as if quite content with the world around him, and the nearly perpetual line of worry that had creased his brow as a teenager was gone. Apparently life had been treating him well too, for faint smile lines could be seen around his eyes and mouth even at the distance between the two of them. Noticing them made Lex rather sad, as he recalled how little Clark had smiled during the time they'd known each other, and then it went on to make him angry.   
  
"You look ridiculous."   
  
"At least I know my clothes didn't come from the raw and bloody fingers of an underprivileged child working in a sweat shop." Clark said softly. "By the way, I moved your buddy Benson. You won't be able to find him to kill him."  
  
Son of a bitch.   
  
Lex ground his teeth. Even knowing it would have no effect, if he'd had a gun he would have shot him just to make himself feel better.   
  
"So basically, " He replied, purposefully keeping his voice neutral. "You came here to yell 'nyah nyah' at me? How incredibly mature of you."   
  
"I came here to talk to you, but you seem to be the one wanting to engage in childish insults and I don't have the time."  
  
"Heavy schedule fighting crime and flying around looking impressively buff? Don't let me keep you."  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"Been there, done that - have the scars to prove it." Lex finished rather quietly, because those scars were starting to ache a little bit. He wanted Clark to go away and leave him alone, but at the same time - he didn't - and that hurt. He didn't want to admit he still actually cared.   
  
Clark did not move from his position along the railing, nor did his expression change, but his voice became slightly clipped, betraying a tenuous hold on his temper.   
  
"Its so typical of you Lex to assume you're the only one left with scars. Do you think coming back to Metropolis was easy for me? Why the hell do you think I headed to Europe after I graduated from college? I couldn't stand to be on the same continent with you."  
  
Lex lost his own temper and putting his glass down on the table beside him; he stood up in a rage. "I don't assume anything Clark, so don't put words in my mouth, and don't foist your problems off on me. I refuse to bear any blame for whatever angsty emotional bullshit you've had going on in your head for the last ten years."   
  
"I don't blame you for anything."  
  
"You blame me for everything you sanctimonious son of a bitch! You blame me for the affair and you blame me for Lana's death. You used me Clark. You tore me to shreds and then you left me. If anyone should be pointing fingers it should be me. You ruined me. I sold my soul for you, and damnit don't you dare come back here and start lecturing me on my business practices. Every dirty deal, every underhanded crime, every death is on your head. You made me what I am!"  
  
"I know."   
  
Lex started, his breath catching in his throat as he drew it to begin another tirade.   
  
"What?"  
  
Clark sighed, glancing down at his crossed feet. "I was sixteen years old Lex. I had no idea what was happening to me. I had no idea what I was doing, nor understood all the consequences. Blame for Lana's death belongs exclusively to neither of us. As for you...." He raised his head, and looked Lex in the eye. "Why do you think I came back?"  
  
His temper was waning, but Lex did not want to let it show right away. "Obviously to continue making my life hell."  
  
"No. I'll tell you why. I found out a lot about myself when I was in Europe. I came to understand what my destiny meant. I came to grips with who and what I am. Last year I heard about what was going on in Gotham, when Batman started his campaign to clean up the city. I understood then what I was supposed to do, and I started investigating methods of doing it." He paused, and for a moment his gaze swept the skyline behind him. "I decided to make Metropolis my home base. I had Chloe call her cousin and get me a job and with Lois' unwitting assistance, I started digging around into the Metropolis criminal underground. Imagine my surprise to discover you were backing ninety percent of the bad things going on in this burg."  
  
Lex smirked. "I repeat - obviously to make my life hell."  
  
"To fulfill a promise I have so far failed to keep." Clark whispered. "You are part of my path Lex. I came back to save you."  
  
"Save me from what?" Lex asked softly.  
  
"Yourself." He hesitated, and it was obvious he debated whether or not to go through with his next statement. "I also know why you were in Europe yourself recently."   
  
They stared at each other, and abruptly Lex turned away to go into the penthouse. He knew Clark would follow him but he needed to buy some time to compose himself. He could not fathom how Clark had discovered the purpose behind the trip to France, but he knew whatever source Clark had would be accurate. Lex had, after discovering him working for the 'Planet, done some research himself. Clark was an excellent reporter, and his sources were iron clad.   
  
He heard a footstep behind him.   
  
"I don't need a savior Clark, and I sure as hell don't want your pity. Coming back here was a mistake. Just get out of my business and go away."  
  
"I can't do that Lex."  
  
He whirled, his eyes blazing. "Why not? It was easy enough for you to leave the first time."  
  
This time Clark did lose his temper, his eyes narrowed, and in a swirl of the red cape he advanced. "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life damnit, and look what has happened! Yes, I used you! Yes, I ruined you. Okay, I admit it, but for God's sake won't you let me make it up to you? You can't keep running your business at the price of other people's lives! Let me help you get out..."  
  
"Why, so you can clear your own conscience?"  
  
"My conscience will never be clean." Clark's voice was rough. "Let me do this."   
  
The smirk returned. "So I can meet my maker having made restitution? Its too late Clark, I'm beyond saving. I'll be dead and gone to Hell and you can just wallow in guilt for the rest of your life. I don't fucking care anymore."  
  
"I do."  
  
Lex said nothing.   
  
"Its the meteorite Lex. I know you still have it. It's what has caused the cancer. If Lana had lived, and continued to wear the necklace, she would be suffering the same fate. Its easy to say her death was an accident and it spared her another, more painful death later, but you took her necklace to protect yourself from me. My mistakes led you to where you are now. Your death I can never erase from my conscience, no matter how I rationalize or what I do. I will wallow in guilt for the rest of my life Lex, and I know now my life is going to last for a very very long time. If you hate me, take pleasure in that; and if you love me...." He drew a shallow breath. "Let me love you again, while there is still time."  
  
Lex turned his head and looked beyond Clark's shoulder to the cityscape outside.   
  
"Please."  
  
The situation was in Lex's control. He could make it go however he wanted it to go, and Clark had done it on purpose just as he had ten years earlier when he'd given Lex another choice.  
  
He looked down at the signet on his right hand and absently began twisting it around his finger again. He'd had it made from Lana's necklace the day after the accident that killed her and he'd not taken it off since. Why he was not sure - whether it was the fear of Clark suddenly deciding to kill him or just for a reminder of what could have been - he simply did not know. When the pain started in his hand he'd ignored it for many months before finally having a doctor look at it. He'd been shocked to discover the bones riddled with cancer, and Lex was sent to a doctor in Paris for a consultation. They wanted to amputate the hand and aggressively attack the disease in his bloodstream with drugs and radiation. The doctors too were waiting his decision.   
  
Salvation, or death.   
  
Lex stared into the grey eyes so intently watching him. In them he saw all the pain and guilt that had followed Clark over the ten years since their falling out. He also saw the loneliness he himself had felt. Whether either of them liked it or not, they were tied together by more than just those few months they'd shared during the affair. The ties ran far deeper than that, and their destiny together was far more complicated. Lex could see resuming their relationship could easily turn sour again despite their best efforts but he could also recall how good it had felt.   
  
I know your heart.   
  
He came back to me, and I need him more than ever. I can't do this alone. If its my destiny to die now, I don't want to do it alone.   
  
Lex stared into those grey eyes, and he heard what he'd never thought he'd hear:  
  
"I love you."  
  
Neither of them dared even breathe.   
  
A faint breeze came in through the open door, lifting the edge of Clark's cape, catching Lex's eye and drawing him out of the stalemate.   
  
He made his decision.   
  
He walked past Clark, who shuddered a little as he came too close, and back out onto the balcony. He looked out over the city, his city, once again, and moved to the edge of the railing. He still twisted the signet around his finger.   
  
Then he stopped, and stared at it.   
  
Lex pulled the signet ring off his finger, and the last light of day flashed off the green stone as he dropped it over the edge of the balcony.   
  
******************  
  
"You know. I've never slept with anyone else."   
  
Lex started, and looked down at the head resting upon his chest. "You're lying." He ran his fingers through the dark hair and it felt cool against the warmth of his bad hand. That hand stayed inflamed and painful anymore but it would soon be over - he'd called Paris earlier.   
  
"No. I'm not lying." Clark whispered. "I almost did, with Chloe, but I was afraid. I didn't want to hurt her - emotionally or physically. We broke it off soon afterwards."  
  
"So much for putting your 'education' to good use. I don't know whether to be flattered or disappointed."   
  
"Flattered."  
  
Lex caressed the arm wrapped around him; moved his fingers back over the shoulder and down over the side. He felt the strength of Clark's muscles beneath the softness of his skin. Silk and steel. Lex had missed it. No other lover he'd ever had possessed the combination of strength and softness unique to Clark's body. He half closed his eyes and felt himself relax totally for the first time in many years within the familiar embrace. The warmth of their entwined bodies was lulling him to sleep but he did want to end the moment.  
  
"I don't think you ever really left me Clark. You were always there in my thoughts." he whispered.  
  
Clark raised his head, and Lex leaned in to taste his lips. Their kisses were passionate, making up for lost time and soothing the aches born of years apart.   
  
"I have to go." Clark said finally, breaking away from the kisses before they escalated into something else. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Duty calls?"   
  
"Its your fault.You've made a mess of things Lex. I've got my work cut out for me."  
  
Lex took a moment to reply. "I'm not a very nice person Clark. I can't guarantee I can break old habits."  
  
"Try." He sat up, and his breath whispered across Lex's lips. "For me - try."  
  
"For you," Lex replied, as their lips met, lingered, then parted again. "anything." His fingers traced the outline of those still moistened lips. "I don't want anything to come between us again Clark."   
  
"It won't." And he scrambled backwards out of the bed. "I have really got to go. I have to meet Lois in the morning and she's a tyrant when I'm late."  
  
"As if she weren't always late herself." Lex snorted. "She's a card. Have fun working with that one but watch your back."   
  
Clark was dressed before Lex finished the sentence, and he favored him with the infamous wry smile. "She reminds me of you."   
  
"Just don't fall in love with her Clark. I don't think I could forgive you twice." Lex stared at him for a moment. "She's an idiot."  
  
The dark brows came together. "Why?"  
  
"Superman? Jesus Clark, what a name she's stuck you with, and she's supposedly the best writer on the Planet's staff?"  
  
The grey eyes glittered with a look of mischief Lex recognized from years past.   
  
"Not anymore," Superman said with a laugh. "And just wait until you meet Clark Kent."  
  
Then he stole one last kiss, and quietly slipped out the window.   
  
  
  
FINIS 3/17/02 


End file.
